My 'device' leaked all over the bed at 4:30 AM.
That made me
Then I cried, feeling helpless
Then, Mr Pep came to my rescue

There are parts of my life that I detest right now.
Then, I am overcome with gratitude .... This is a different sort of ride



Here is my question. What does God want from me right now?
I'd sure appreciate a billboard, or sompin' .... jes sayin'

I dont know what your "device" is but, I am sending you some hugs and prayers anyways...

God may not want anything from you RIGHT NOW, but could be preparing you for what he wants of you later!

)))))HUGS(((((

MNG

It's not a billboard, but you should know that your influence on these boards has been extremely influential in teaching me how to care for people. I can't break a lifetime habit of emotional withdrawal overnight, but I am making significant headway and my life is becoming better for it.

I read everything you write because you have a unique way of communicating, to which I connect for some reason, and it seems you always have something significant to say.

I don't know what God wants from you right now, but I'm starting to get a sense of what he wants from me -- and you've been one of the key messengers he's used in getting that message across.

The instruction we're given to lay up our treasure in heaven means we can't always see the wealth we've accumulated, but you, of all people on this forum, can rest assured that you're wealthy beyond your wildest dreams.

God has something much better than a billboard for you!

His Will which is mapped out nicely in that book called "The bible".


I often ask myself this question when I am at my wits end and I honestly feel there is no more burden I can carry on my shoulders. I question him, "What more do you want from me?"

It is in this deep, often dark place, I head to logic because my heart could be treacherous. Logic states ... do his will and only his will ... surrender all to him

Meanwhile my heart cries out to jump into some kind of sin to ease the pain of that moment.

In these trying times ... go with logic ...

ALWAYS remember.

1 Corinthi�ans 10:13

No temp�ta�tion has over�taken you except such as is com�mon to man; but God is faith�ful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temp�ta�tion will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

MNG

(((Pep)))

Sorry about this trial in your life.

I don't know how many people you've touched/impacted/educated/changed in your life, but from one lil ol me you've largely impacted me.

For that I graciously say thank you, my friend.

What does God want from me right now?
I'd sure appreciate a billboard, or sompin'

A certain raw, newly betrayed husband was in a chapel asking for help. He was contemplating the unthinkable, having about given up. Not an overly religious man, he didn't even know what to ask, or how to ask it. An hour went by, and no answer was forthcoming, so he arrogantly assumed he knew was his path was to be. As he left by the side door, he saw two elderly women trying to enter through the locked main doors. They saw him and asked if they could enter that way to see the beautiful new main church. They had formerly lived in this area, were passing somewhat nearby, and had driven an hour or more out of their way just to see it. Our subject let them in the side entrance, and showed them the magnificent new House of God.

The ladies, after a few minutes, started to leave, and the troubled man walked out with them. As he started to take his leave, one of them said, "You were a God-send, being here just as we needed you."

He hurried away without looking back, knowing God's gift was not him to them, but them to HIM!

The moral, Pep, is every day we have a reason for being, and a service we can do for others. Flaming chariots of fire are not often the communication medium, so we have to be more sensitive to subtle indicators. Maybe the whole point to my story is the fact that almost three years later, that person is able to post this for you:

Like.

Your responses mean so much.
I cannot express my gratitude fully ...
I surrender to His will.
Grateful.

I recognize the grieving process is at work within me.

Oh, Pep,

You were kind and gentle to me when I was grieving and in turmoil during the first part of our recovery from FWH's infidelity.

I have read countless posts from you and learned from them.

Thank you so much for all you do for us here in the "cyber world." I always remember that at the end of each of these threads is a real, life and blood person.

You are a wonderful source of wisdom, gentleness and 2x4s, depending on which is needed at the time.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through and the hard changes taking place in your body and therefore in your life. I can't imagine what it would be like to, say, lose a leg, or some other very important function in my body that I have taken for granted for so many years. I know that I would grieve over the loss, too.

Only God knows what He has up His sleeve for you. You will find it, I am sure, because God says if we seek Him, we will find Him.

{{{{{{{{{{Pep}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Pep, I hope you are feeling better. I have had that same combo of feelings recently...the trifecta can suck but that last emotion is always a good one.

I dunno Pep... have you thought about it this way;


Years ago, you were delivered a traumatic, life-changing event during which the person whom you loved and trusted the most was turned against you... and you survived.


Now; you are dealing with a traumatic, life-changing event and the person whom you love and trust the most is there by your side.

Would there be anything to know in that, ma'am?

And for this I am on my knees in gratitude.

But, I still get sad.
It might be partially hormonal.
Still weaning off prednisone, the evil drug.
Sunday is my final step onto the lowest dose ... For 2 weeks. Then, back under the knife. I am feeling more positive about that, after reading Internet blogs written by others who have gone before me.
Coupled with the fact that I am convinced my surgeon is a genius.

Pep,

Thank you for being here now and thank you for being here in the fall of 2009 during that difficult time for me. Your posts were always on target and kept me grounded (except when I was beyond help).

Hugs

AM

Matthew 6
New International Version (NIV)

Giving to the Needy
6 �Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.
2 �So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. 3 But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, 4 so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
Luke 10
New International Version (NIV)

The Parable of the Good Samaritan
25 On one occasion an expert in the law stood up to test Jesus. �Teacher,� he asked, �what must I do to inherit eternal life?�

26 �What is written in the Law?� he replied. �How do you read it?�


27 He answered, ��Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind�[c]; and, �Love your neighbor as yourself.�[d]�

28 �You have answered correctly,� Jesus replied. �Do this and you will live.�

29 But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, �And who is my neighbor?�

30 In reply Jesus said: �A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. 31 A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. 32 So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33 But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34 He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. 35 The next day he took out two denarii[e] and gave them to the innkeeper. �Look after him,� he said, �and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.�
36 �Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?�
37 The expert in the law replied, �The one who had mercy on him.�

Jesus told him, �Go and do likewise.�


With secrecy in service (behind the computor screen) and like the good Samaritan (regardless of who) you helped me through my painful rectal/cranial extraction process without your left hand knowing what your right hand was doing. You just simply gave of yourself with no expectation of reward.

How many others have you helped selflessly throughout the years on this board? Your reward goes beyond what our earthly minds can probably comprehend. Humbleness-Love-Tough love-straight up truth. Letting others make their choices freely but also letting them know there are good consequences and bad consequences to the choices they make but they are free to make choices. To me you are the good Samaritan to so many on this board.





Offer what you can when you feel you are able. HE knows exactly where you are at. I wont pretend to know where you are at with the physical ailments. I have not gotten there myself in life.

All I know is you have helped many along your way through lifes struggles here and I for one greatly appreciate that fact.

All the best to you and Mr. Pep

nESRE

Nesre, please allow me to add another board to the monument.





The first time I really heard this passage was at my grandfather's funeral. It was a bit of an occasion. The priest who did the service is retired, but for both my grandfather and my grandmother he donned the robes. My family had gone to the same church for almost all of my grandparents' lives, and my grandparents were very involved - my dad, aunts, and uncles all went to catholic school.

Both of my grandparents were very faithful people... but they were quiet in their faith, and believed in a life of service.

I heard this over and over and over during the funeral service - example after example.


And then the above scripture was read, and it all made sense.




Well, Pep... it's not a secret you are a woman of faith. Yet, not once can I recall you vetting anybody about their faith before you rendered aid.

That, to me, makes you one of the sheep...

Prednisone throws me for a loop.

When I was on it a few weeks ago I was so mean my wonderful husband locked me out of the house with an ice cream sandwich and told me to go for a walk and come back happier. Poor guy...

I just can't handle prednisone, I turn into a frickin' witch on it!

Arggggggggghhhhhhh

I think you're correct.
Standing in the queue waiting for further instructions.

Not very long ago, I decided I needed a support group.
I was spending entirely too much time feeling sorry for myself.
So, I asked the RN taking care of me if she had any suggestions.
She offered a support group near me.
I went to the soonest monthly meeting.
About 30 adults of varing ages, but most of them around my age.
It reminded me a lot of the SAA forum. When a noobie arrives, everyone gathers around that person to offer a "Welcome" and a "Tell us your story". I told my story, but omitted the fact that I am a medical professional, which is my usual choice. I do this so that I am treated exactly like anyone else. In all my previous hospitalizations, I was eventually discovered because of the way I ask questions and process medical information. Then, they DO treat me differently, and that is not always in my best interest.

So, in this support group, I was very careful to phrase myself as a lay person. There was much love in the room. I could feel it. Much of their time is supporting each other in recovering positive body-self image. Very nice, I must say. Very much like the support offered to damaged BS on SAA forum. In my story I mentioned that I am having the next surgery to eliminate waste more normally. One of the younger women was visibly upset. She asked "Why would you do that?". She was somewhat offended that I did not want to spend another 20 years with this device if I had another option. The more I explained my choice, the more she got upset. She was not rude, but I could see she was upset as if I had told her she was deformed. She said "What if it doesn't work?"

So I told her about the surgeon. This surgeon was highly recommended by the GI specialist. So, Mr Pep and I drove 50 miles to consult with him. The surgeon has a very Muslim name, so we went with certain expectations.

Well, in walks this very interesting looking man who spoke eloquently with a thick Scottish accent!??? OK. I did not ask, which was very difficult for me!!!

He had my list of concerns, which I had emailed previously. One-by-one, he went down the list and answered my concerns. Then, he described my options, one of which was "Watch and wait", but considering I had run out of medical treatment options, and my cancer risks were phrased " It's when, not if", watch and wait held little comfort. Plus, I was very high risk for opportunistic infections and multiple future hospitalizations.

He said we could think it over and let him know. We told him we decided on surgery. He said, "Well, if you want me to do the surgery you'll have to wait a few months. My wife and I do 2 months of missionary work in Africa twice a year.". Right then and there, I knew he was my guy. We told him we'd wait for his return.

This is also part of the story I told that support group. The next day, Mr Pep went to his AM AA meeting, followed by coffee with a male AA friend. Mr Pep shared our previous days experience and his concerns for me. His friend said, "You know I had that surgery, don't you? I had excellent outcomes and a great surgeon. He's in San Francisco, speaks with a Scottish accent, and does missionary work in Africa."



Now THAT's what I call a billboard from God almighty !

Standing in the queue and waiting is not my strong suit.
But, it is His will.
So, I must do this gladly.

Thanks for the support.