Actually, the latter correspondent doesn't say she doesn't know OM. In context:

"As a believer in the sanctity of marriage, I sympathise with your situation and so I have sent a prayer up for all involved, hoping God will bring healing to you all.

"At the same time, I am concerned that any shame intended or directed at OM does not only fall on OM, but on your wife, yourself and children as you have left yourselves open and vulnerable to the wider digital world, by putting this on Facebook. This is not good!

"As such, I have messaged OM with a plea to fix up and resolve this asap.

"As YOU have messaged ME without knowing me, I believe you have given me the authority to address you also.

"Therefore I must remind you that a husbands duty is to protect his wife and family.

"If your wife has defiled your marriage by her involvement with OM the issue should have been taken up within your families first, then the Pastor that married you both and if no resolve was reached, go to a private marriage counsellor. This should never have reached Facebook friends as you do not know the capacity of my friendship with OM.

"If I were in a similar predicament, which God forbid it ever comes to that, any chances of a reconciliation with the husband supposed to protect me, would have all flown out of the window, purely because of the naming and shaming on a worldwide forum.

"So now, your wife will have to decide if she can actually forgive you for doing such a thing. I pray God will touch her heart, yours also. As you both now need to apologise to each other."

She follows this with a recommended programme of prayers for the next seven days. I am typing a simple message of thanks...

Er, yes.

What you were just told is that your wayward wife who has ripped out your heart and stomped all over it...is entitled to "forgive" you for exposing her filthy mess to the world (which is, as you know, biblically justified--the exposure that is!)...

What a load of hooey!

"Madam, you have confused protecting with enabling. A loving husband does not enable his wife's adultery as affairs thrive on secrecy. Thank you for your opinion."

Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. 21 But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.

John 3:20-21.

Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. Ephesians 5:11

Exposure is a call out to people who can help end the affair. If shame is a resultant emotion, that's the problem of the wayward to deal with.

igiiroko, don't worry about educating the people who respond to you. You've done well.

I feel I'm not making the transition from raw emotion to considered action very well. On the other hand, my transitions from having suspicions, to having evidence, to having the confronting conversation -- in which the adulterous affair, rather than being renounced, was declared as an on-going thing at the expense of our marriage -- all took many months. Am I rushing myself? There's a potential flash-point when WS shows up tomorrow Sat to pick up some more of her stuff and "see my children", as she puts it.

Btw, OM contact above said she was only saying "how many women of today may respond" to my action (i.e. Exposure) - and that she had "messaged" OM to "to fix up and resolve this asap". We'll see...

You have transitioned VERY WELL from non-action to action. I would have never given you given this much credit when I initially read your thread. You are doing great!

Well let exposure do it's work.

Good job on exposing. You're becoming a MB warrior.

She does not speak for "women of today;" she only can speak for herself. Women are not stupid enough to think it is a good idea to enable an affair. Only SOME women.

Called home earlier to see how DSS12 was. Says WS has been fighting with him "all afternoon". He told her what she'd done was "appalling and atrocious" (his words, I swear), and that she wasn't even sorry etc. She threatened him with the biggest smacking ever. He hung up on her, she called back, they'd argue more, he'd hang up, and she'd call back again. He said to me "Now I feel like I don't want to talk to her for a long, long time." What do you mean? "Weeks and weeks."

She said to him she wants him to come live with her in London. That's new: even a day or two ago she was talking to me about renting an apartment close to me/us here, so DSS12 and DD7 won't need to switch schools etc. Now, all of a sudden, she's worked out some school in London where he could go to school. In any event, DSS12 said "NO WAY! I don't want to move - home or school! You're only doing this for yourself, not for me! You just want to make it fit with you going to be with (mentioned OM's name)!"

That's when he went on to say "atrocious and appalling" and "can't believe you did that", and that's when WS went bat-sh*t mental. She went on to say she'd him ship him back to Bio-Dad in Australia if DSS12 didn't stop "disrespecting" her.

Is that what we call it now, "disrespecting"?

When I arrived home, WS was on the phone to him again. As usual he handed the phone to me, and as usual she came straight on the attack. Yesterday, her accusation was that I was "brainwashing" DSS12.

Today she said "You just sit there and listen to him saying all kinds of stuff about me, because it suits you that I'm the one who did the wrong thing." What was I supposed to do? The boy knows right from wrong, and to his credit doesn't shrink from telling it straight to his mum.

"Well, you should say to him 'It'll be alright', and 'She's still your mum, no matter what' and 'Put it all into perspective' etc."

I said I wasn't interested in an argument. I'll let her know when I'd be taking the kids swimming tomorrow Sat, and when she can come round to pick up more belongings. But DSS12 doesn't want to see her.

DSS12 has clearly not gotten his morals from his mother. Holy COW!

That boy's more grown up than his mother!

And no way should you say "she's still your mother, no matter what" ...."put it all in perspective" ...what the f does THAT mean???

Oh I really feel for your son. I went through all that crap at about the same age. Good for him for speaking truth to power. I will pray for him to escape her and be able to find a good life despite her attempt to wreck it. In my case I was able to escape my mother and live with my dad, and that made all the difference in the world.

You should probably be documenting all of this behavior of hers. All parenting behavior, really.

You are the only sane adult he has going for him right now...so do try to be there for him.

Plan some sort of male-bonding activities with DS12.
You're in the UK?
Soccer match?
Music concert?
A round of golf, or mini golf?
Fishing?
Boating?
Whatever ....
Do special things with him.
Hug him often and tell him you love him.

We got the exact same allegations of brainwashing, igiiroko. It's eerily similar.

Phew. Weekend done, a blur of contrasts.

Sat: WS was to join us at swimming pool mid-morning, but didn't. She rang just before noon, saying she'd just woken up. As it happens, I was on phone to DSS12's Biodad at the time. Biodad's stand is he'd send for or come collect DSS12 if he feels that'd be in boy's best interests, esp. if break-up of our family is imminent. He also riffed about DSS12 being disrespectful: it turns out DSS12 had laid into his mum for "wh*ring around" - ie DSS12 had gone beyond saying the "appalling and atrocious" that he'd admitted to me. I hadn't been aware of that of course, and reinforced to DSS12 that such language/behaviour is unacceptable.

In any event, WS joined us for late lunch, after which we took kids to lido. WS sat by the poolside, fast asleep, her head on a table. I splashed around with kids in pool and down water-slides etc. We spent about three or four hours in the leisure centre, stopped off for dinner, then took cab home, whereupon WS spent an hour packing a (second, larger) suitcase, and then left.

At one point during dinner, I had found myself regarding WS's face and her lying mouth especially, and thinking lovely and furious thoughts to myself.

Kids are so used to her being away, we chillaxed as normal. But I'm sure WS will be making a scene soon about DSS12's residency in particular.

Sun: Kids and I had a fantastic day on a canal cruise aboard a narrowboat. Beautiful weather, lovely landscape, kids sharing tiller duty, party of ten, with five adults and five kids: fantastic.

Yes, definitely help bio-dad any way you can. He sounds like a good guy with his head on his shoulders. And I'm sure he would have no trouble with you maintaining contact with DSS12, if you wish to continue that.

Even though WS has betrayed me so totally, I still feel - perversely? - a little uncomfortable, guilty almost, at having DSS12 handed to his biodad. His sister and I would miss him, if it came to that. But WS has not helped matters by her past conduct, and she is making things worse by bombarding me with messages such as these:

• Not liking this situation at all - it is going to take me forever to save enough money to afford a place on my own. U know that - meanwhile I am not there for the kids when I can be now that I am working and getting my license.:(
• I only care about them - my son especially must feel abandoned by me (to use your word) as he is staying there with you. He doesn't want to change schools etc
• He of all people should be with me - eventhough u r the dad I am his biological mother - this is very damaging to him - but I understand u don't care. all u it appears is the ultimatum. But I can't do what u want as it is not what I want from way before since 2009. Horrible situation horrible

#1: ".. I am not there for the kids...": You haven't been for 18 months, 12 months at best. You were out of work for five or six months -- and spent that time in London, ostensibly "job-hunting", in reality in OM's company. You certainly weren't "there for the kids" then;

#2: ".. my son especially must feel abandoned by me...": Well.., YOU left, lady. He doesn't want to change home or school...

#3: ".. but I understand u don't care.": Why would you have been leaving your kids with someone who doesn't "care"? How, in all good conscience, can you write what you just sent me?

(Btw, she reminds me that 2009 was when she said ILYBINILWY.)

Don't take anything she says personally. She's whining to you about the fallout of her infidelity - not your problem, friend.

"I'm sorry your actions have resulted in all of these damaging things."