My H and I have been together for 31 years - we dated for 6 years and have been married for 25 years.

He lied to me for 29 out of our 31 years together. He does not seem to be lying to me know, but then again, I'll really never know. He's "transparent," but as I learned, complete transparency is a fiction. If someone wants to do something covertly, they can and they will.

The book, **edit** (you can find it easily on the web), is what enabled him to change. We found Marriage Builders D-Day; bought and read all the books and CDs; counseled with the Harleys (he lied to our counselor, by the way); and went to individual counseling. Nothing helped, but this book.

Unfortunately, even though my H has changed, nothing will ever restore my trust. I feel as if I became infected by doubt, and that suspicion is now a chronic illness I will always suffer.

If you are a liar, STOP. ALL. LYING.

Read the book to find out why you do it. It becomes harder and harder to lie the more you know about how it happens.

Good luck.

BV

BV: Thank you for sharing this. It confirms my worries, but also makes me want to try harder. I'll make a point of looking into this book. I come from the school of thought that you have to look at all angles before choosing your path. My focus is on MB right now, but both my BS and myself have resolved to work on ourselves when this initial (and long) period is over.

Thank you for sharing this. And your signature speaks volumes. Thank you.

Awesome, good to hear it, trt.

When the book arrives, we'll start nagging you to read it.

Reading is one step up from talking.

Doing is several steps up from both of those, of course.

Really working MB, REALLY WORKING IT, will change anyone for the better.

Think about it. Even the simplest requirement of MB basics, such as RADICAL HONESTY requires that we be honest with ourselves first, and likewise honest with our spouse. This RH requirement will build the integrity muscles.

You and your wife will be working on yourselves while working, REALLY WORKING, the MB program.

The best thing about this natural MB growth potential?
You don't need to waste any time delving into your past searching endlessly for "Why am I like this?"

Navel gazing is discouraged because it is:

Not necessary
Not productive
Is a diversion away from the needs of the marriage
Is not generous or empathetic towards your spouse

My learning how to BE a better wife has taught me more about my own flaws and weaknesses than any navel gazing exercises.

You will find, Barnaby, that after your marriage is recovered and you are a mean/lean/ MB machine that there is very little "working on yourself" left to do.

But, don't trust me on this, live it yourself.
Then, pass it along to others who will follow you.

Maybe it's time to change your school of thought a little bit, because so far it hasn't been working well!

We don't want you to get into analysis paralysis. We have here a working plan. It addresses the issues you have raised. We know what it is like to watch people take forever to get moving, and what happens to their marriages when they do, so we want to encourage you to get started working the plan here as soon as possible. We also know that people here who have worked the plan as a couple have recovered their marriages.

Barnaby Jones, television detective. A "long looker and a slow thinker."

Bartleby the Scrivener, character in a Melville short story. Someone who "...would prefer not to."

Be Barnaby.

BV

MaritalBliss - I think he meant he is writing his no-contact letter .....not exposure letter....

WOW!! I've said almost, if not all, of these things. Holy carp...

As long as I don't have to be Barney...

New update. I've deactivated my FB, G+, and Twitter accounts. Feeling a little more free.

Good. What was AI's reaction?

Here you go, trt. This is you main objective.

And now I no longer have any blogs or any social media accounts whatsoever.

This and my 2 email addresses are my ONLY Internet presences at all. And after I take out all of the important things I need from both of those, I will be deleting them as well and starting a new one that my wife will have FULL access to. And when I create a "backup" account for that one (ie: for password recovery and the like) I will use HER email account as said backup.

I feel free, and she's very satisfied.

Go take a look at her thread. The last sentence.

Now I can focus on HER and HER ALONE. With NO distractions whatsoever.

What you should do right now is click on her username and then click on profile. Then click on ignore this user, or whatever it says. Have her do the same.

Neither one of you has any business being on or reading each other's thread.

BTW, good job so far. I hope you realize just who you have responding to you. You couldn't pay for better assistance than what you are receiving right now simply for asking. Don't take it for granted. You're in the best hands you could possibly be to save your marriage.

I don't say that lightly.

Wes, they should be reading each others' threads. They should not post on each others' threads.

Obviously I completely missed something then.

I know - I did the same thing.

Considering I never have seen suggested what I said do, I feel like an idiot. Sigh....

LOL! And I said that too! Wes, you're doing great. It's good for posters to see the interaction on their spouse's thread, but they shouldn't post and create a distraction on the thread. It makes sense when you think about it.