Jd,

I just went back through your whole thread and you still haven't exposed this.

You need to expose today. Her refusal to write a NC letter screams she is not committed to recovery.

When will you stop being her doormat? She has had at least 2OM and they both need to be exposed.

Did you ever check your spyware on her phone?

"BWs have one "playing card" in their hand to sway a reluctant WS..." I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you mean here.

Jeez, the one time I get coy, and avoid being in-your-face blatant, and the message gets lost....

Women can always use what is likely the universally highest ranked EN to sway an indecisive WH to fully commit to the marriage, and enact the necessary ENs. And unless the BW under consideration has the skills of Julia Child, we ain't talking about cooking!

BHs are not so generally provided such a "trump" card.

BH,

Yeah the spyware on her phone shows nothing. I still didn't get the opportunity to install on her computer, as she had it password protected and locked and I didn't have the hour or so needed to break it. Honestly though the way she's behaving now is enough for me to see.

Expose and say what? "My wife had an affair that ended months ago, just now getting around to telling you? Please use your sway with her to convince her to behave normally." ? Sorry just addled right now.

She finally got around to writing the NCL's yesterday. She spent a whopping 5 minutes on them and wanted to thank OM #1 for the wonderful friendship they had. It took all the composure I have to not put a fist through my desk.

You don't know for 100% for sure that her affair is over and she wants to write a love letter to OM instead of a NC letter.

Yes we've had posters expose affairs even 17 years after the affair that was over for 17 years.



Your wife hasn't had to deal with ANY consequences from her affair.

17 years?!

Where is this from so I can read it?

So clearly a few months isn't too long at all. The problem with I know from what I've read is that exposure is best done all at once. The only reason I'm waiting is because I still don't have a fool-proof way of getting in touch with OMW #1.

It won't happen today. I want to do this all at once and based on all the people I want to send it to with Facebook and a couple of phone calls it ought to take about 30 minutes or so.

Isn't it sad that I have a list of people already but never really pulled the trigger on it? The only people who know are my family.

Couple of questions:

• I've lied to my WW and told her my father doesn't know about any of this. He knows everything. Just tell her and let the pieces fall?
• Our MC suggested I destroy the evidence of her affairs because it was serving as reminders. I didn't destroy it, but told him and WW that I did. Obviously, if I'm going to offer evidence to those interested, uhm... just let her figure out I lied?

Why do I feel terrible about those lies above?

Do not destroy the evidence. When and if you get to recovery then Dr. Harley suggests to stop looking at the evidence.

You need that evidence for exposure. Have you read the new post Mel attached to the exposure thread? We had a poster create her own link with the attached proof.

I would tell her after you expose that you told your dad.

It's because you are O&H and you aren't used to this and that's probably why you feel bad.

We've had posters take hours on exposing.

Our MC suggested I destroy the evidence of her affairs...

Inspired by The Godfather:



Keep the evidence; lose the MC!

Oh I haven't destroyed the evidence of it. This advice was really the first sign I saw that the MC was useless. Anyhow...

I can't get the contact info for OMW #1. I'd certainly like to but an FB exposure to OM's friends and family will have to do. I know she's on Facebook all the time based on the comments I see (I see her being addressed by name but I don't her posts, so I know she's blocked me on her page), so if I do that, she'll find out.

Now to sort out OM #2 - as before he's a sleaze that has no GF/W that I know of. He also doesn't have a Facebook page, so that'll make researching him fun.

Should I expose to any suspected OM's friends/family? I suspect at least two more, but haven't been able to get proof, only suspicions.

I figured out OM #3. It was under my nose the whole time...

I finally decided to take a look over everything again, and realized there had been another OM the same time that OM #1 was going on. It was something I had seen this whole time. I can't believe I glossed over it when I had first seen this. I doubt I did. All I remember about the day I found out was being angry.

I tried to talk to her about DD's bedtime. Turns out she gets her 12 hours a night she needs, but wakes up at 11 am every morning with WW. Absolutely no willing to budge on the issue whatsoever, so I dropped it (POJA default position, do nothing). Not willing to consider the fact that I want to spend time with her but also need to get enough sleep.

I tried to get her to read just the summaries of what the EN's and LB's are. She rolled her eyes, said she already knew what they were because they were "common sense", then proceeded to demand I go to the store with her.

I thought that telling her I wanted to do the very best to meet her needs would be easy. She still won't fill out the questionnaires.

I thought writing down my AH for her would be something that would be easy ("Oh! You want me to tell you what you're doing wrong? Yay!"). Nope, that was pulling teeth too.

So that's one EP down. She's not willing to give much more than a glance to any MB material at all. I'm starting to hate being around her. I suppose this is what happens when you let a situation like this fester for too long.

No more questions. I should have exposed the moment I read about it. Guess I needed the hammer of convincing. Finally got OMW #1 contact information, OM #2 & 3 parents (both on Facebook!), and all the contacts saved. Now to play the waiting game until I get a spare hour...

You don't use POJA until recovery.

Your WW isnt willing to change bedtimes because she is using your child as a buffer to AVOID spending time with you.

Keep snooping. You are going to need to do something to shake her out of her complacency and avoidance.

We've also had people expose 1 year after the affair so no a few months isn't nothing.

Here is lightsout's thread who exposed 17 years after his WW's affair and mind you when he exposed to OM's BW she was only his GF at the time of the affair.

lightsout's thread

Just like I figured you are finding out about more OM. You need to up your intel and get all the information and EXPOSE this.

Until you expose this and start the road to recovery your WW will not work POJA so stop the headaches for yourself and get to snooping.

So is OM3 married? Who is this pile?

OM3 is someone I should have known about already. It was already in the evidence I have. I gathered it around the same time I figured out OM #1. I had been avoiding looking over my evidence since it had always been without a purpose.

Oh well. He was kind enough to make his Facebook profile nice and open. Hi mom, dad, family, and girlfriend. Hope you enjoy this nugget of knowledge about your friend.

I like rainysweet's website idea. I've already got webspace so putting this on my Web server is 10 minutes of work away.

Make sure you save all of OM#3's facebook contacts to a word doc because once they get wind of the exposure they will block you.

So when are you planning on dropping the exposure bomb? We are here for you my friend. I can't tell you how good it feels to get their dirty little secret out in the light.

I think the record was 600 facebook friends. Rainy did 400 and she stalled for along time and her WH's affair has been going on for 3.5 years.

I have already got all the contacts saved. If I did a wide FB exposure it would be 1216 people.

As soon as I have an hour. Or a few.

I wouldn't worry about doing all 1216.

Try and target family and married friends. Make a priority list of all the contacts and then go. Make sure you read rainy's updated advice on how much time to wait between messages. She got blocked twice but once you wait enough time you become unblocked.

jd, i am saddened to hear that your WW isn't giving you an inch. it is time for exposure and then perhaps plan b, don't you think? she won't have so much time to meet other men online when she has to get off her duff and make some money and support her lifestyle.

Wow.

I talked to her about EPs today. I came home to her deleting her Facebook account. I haven't asked her to do this, so I asked her if she had a list of things she planned on doing.

She asked me if there was anything she needed to do for me. So I gave her my EPs. Here's the real kick in the gonads:

• she said that her idea of a friendship was an intimate relationship between two people,
• she didn't want me to be her exclusive friend under this definition,
• in matters of romance, gender doesn't matter to her,
• she can form supernatural "bonds" with people, and sorry husband, you're not one of those people.

So my wife is bisexual? Isn't that uhm, kinda one of those things to know about WHEN YOU <blank> ING get married? She can't form her definition of a close, intimate friendship with me?!

Is there any reason not to start a dark plan B now?

Well she's pretty much telling you that she will continue to have affairs.

I would expose all of this and then go into a dark Plan B.

It will take a few days to get completely prepared for Plan B.
Get an IM.
Write the Plan B letter.
Can you get her removed from the home? You don't want to leave the house.