You are getting way too much information from IM and relatives. You need to plug up the holes in your Plan B because this isn't a Plan B at all! You are being tormented with what he says and does, when you should be protected from that. It is no wonder your love bank is tapped out and you're thinking divorce may be the way to go.

I'm not certain I understand what the IM should tell me then...how much info?
His sister is close w me, she's been really supportive.

IM should only tell you the necessities. For example moving needs Xxx for this bill by this date.

No relationship issues unless it's him meeting your conditions in your Plan B letter. You need to tell SIL that to protect you she can not tell you or talk to you about him at all.

Do you have this? I would send it to your IM. IM Training school

Thank you!
My sil and I did speak yesterday about her no longer telling me any information about him. I advised it was too painful for me, and she understood and agreed.
I also asked his mom not to talk a me about him for the same reason.
I also spoke yesterday w our relator to say the same thing, she has already began sending separate communications to us regarding showings etc.

It seems he's being more odd as this progresses though. He called our relator and told her yesterday that someone broke into the house the night before last while he slept. He thought this bc he light and exhaust fan was on in our laundry room when he came downstairs in the morning and of course it wasn't simply that he forgot to turn it off. She had to file a report, called the police etc. Seems no one broke in, nothing was taken, no one used the lockbox code during the night.

Is that normal, making absurd claims? Just him calling our for attention as he is not getting it from me?
I did not go to the house as I knew he'd be there and bc of plan b I could not go.

Good job on plugging those Plan B holes. Keep them plugged up.

Waywards aren't prepared for you removing yourself from their drama. So he was probably trying to see if you'd call to see if he's ok. Do not contact him.

Be prepared for him to try other tactics until he knows you're serious about NC.

So what Plan B activities do you have planned for you?
You need to join the Plan B nail polish for your toes group. Scotty and Indie are the presidents. So what color are your toes?

Thank you!
My sil and I did speak yesterday about her no longer telling me any information about him. I advised it was too painful for me, and she understood and agreed.
I also asked his mom not to talk a me about him for the same reason.
I also spoke yesterday w our relator to say the same thing, she has already began sending separate communications to us regarding showings etc.

It seems he's being more odd as this progresses though. He called our relator and told her yesterday that someone broke into the house the night before last while he slept. He thought this bc he light and exhaust fan was on in our laundry room when he came downstairs in the morning and of course it wasn't simply that he forgot to turn it off. She had to file a report, called the police etc. Seems no one broke in, nothing was taken, no one used the lockbox code during the night.

Is that normal, making absurd claims? Just him calling our for attention as he is not getting it from me?
I did not go to the house as I knew he'd be there and bc of plan b I could not go.

Good job on plugging those Plan B holes. Keep them plugged up.

Waywards aren't prepared for you removing yourself from their drama.So he was probably trying to see if you'd call to see if he's ok. Do not contact him.

Be prepared for him to try other tactics until he knows you're serious about NC.

So what Plan B activitiesdo you haveplanned for you? You need to join the Plan B nail polish for your toes group. Scotty and Indie are the presidents. So what color are your toes?

Just feeling so alone this weekend. I'm at my parents And they have things planned but this weekend was always a busy one bc we always spent it at his family picnics, this is the first time in 11 yrs that I'm with my family. I miss his family a lot.
I'm just a mess. There isn't anything I want to do for myself. I did get a pedicure but it didn't really help me to feel any better.

what? a pedi didn't help you feel better? j/k :O)

you are experiencing withdrawal, MO. this is very normal. you may even be feeling kind of child-like because you are with your family without your spouse. that's ok. allow them to help you emotionally during this time. it's really hard when you want to curl up into a ball and die, but let them force you off the couch/chair and involve you in DOING stuff. play games, help with the cooking, keep the kids entertained - these things will help give your mind little breaks of space. you need them.

Bubble bath with candles, give yourself a facial, do a puzzle, read a non-romamtic novel, rent some movies, turn the ac down really low and make some hot chocolate and popcorn and watch those movies under a blanket, buy some day old bread and feed the ducks at the park, take a walk, call your girlfriend and get a cup of coffee, make some brownies and enjoy hot with a cold glass of milk.......just a few ideas off the top of my head.

Agree.

For the movies make sure you rent the comedies. Old corny one's from your childhood.

Stay around with your family this weekend and stay busy with them.

You will feel better under the protection of the Plan B blanket.

We're walking around a major city today, just wandering around. I have dinner tonight with my very good friend that I've been staying with off and on so that's good.
He was served again yesterday regarding disclosure of information to try to prove infidelity...phone records etc. I'm certain he was quite angered by that, maybe he will think about things, who knows.
Are there any general timeframes as to when I could start feeling better about this?

It all depends on a couple of things.

1).How dark you keep your Plan B. If you let cracks in Dr. Harley says it's like putting you back to Day 1. You can't heal if you stay caught up in his drama.
2). How busy you keep yourself and how well your self caring is going.

Some people feel good after the intial couple weeks of missing them and the separation period and then you will go through anger and then withdrawal.


Hang in there and come here for support. It sounds like you have a good support system IRL?

Yes, my family and friends are being fabulous.
I just feel this June 21 date looming that he's going to say/do something, which is just days before my 30th birthday.
It's so frustrating that I'm still on his timeline for going one way or another. I'm trying to move forward as it doesn't matter, that I'm making this decision for me but I just keep thinking about what is going to happen. I know that's giving him the control and I'm trying to refocus but it's very difficult no matter how busy I am.

Stsying in the house alone tonight cleaning as we have a showing tomorrow...big sigh. All I can think about is how this is d�j� vu and all of the nights I wondered where he was this past winter.
He's insane to leave me, and this. He never gave me an indication I wasn't meeting his needs until I started asking this winter when he started being so mean and absent. It was months of lie, of him pretending so convincingly while I ran myself ragged driving him around from his DUI, cooking, cleaning, helping my family. I would have made any changes he needed, I loved him so much.
Why would he ever want to go from our charming home thats in a desirable area to an apartment in nowhere land w her?
He always said he hated that area. The people, the lack of anything being around etc.
Nothing makes sense and it's all I'm thinking about being alone.
Sorry for my pity party, hoping plan B starts helping my sanity soon.

Plan B will help. Nothing waywards do makes any sense. So sorry you are hurting. All he cares about right now is getting his next hit off his "drug." He doesn't think about anything else. When he comes out of the fog, he will see it all.

Stay strong.

Hi all,

I think my IM still needs some training, but just an update.
I was advised, he has moved home again and cannot see the situation changing but is not yet 100% certain of his decision (this is the type of update I had requested as I need to know if he's around to determine if I could be there as we agreed we would share time/expenses for the house unless he moves home in which case he pays for everything, except my potion of the morgtage until it sells)

I was given also advance notice that he thinks he's moving home "for good" later in the month (likely around that june 21 date I assume but I do not know) and that this moving home time could turn into that. The "for good" would then mean breaking things off w her, nc, my whole list of needs to R....if he does it.

It's frustrating, and I cannot help but wonder his long this newest moving home time will last.

Oh and I found out why he is free wed and sat - she works those nights.

What do you all think?

It sounds like he's still involved with her and not choosing to recover.

MW you're in Plan B why are you hearing all this? You're not at the house, correct? You need to tell your IM to filter!!

Did you send them the IM training I posted for you?

You'll never heal if you keep letting these cracks happen.

The issue is with the house expenses.
If he's certain he's moving home I will pay the additional costs to revise the agreement through my lawyer and then I can afford my own apartment. If he is not, then it still may need revision depending on how long he is there.
I did send that training info to the IM and had a conversation w him about not telling me things like that second part that I do not need about how it could maybe could turn into being for good. I think I'll be switching IMs, he actually thought giving me advance notice was him being helpful for me to plan.

I'm really frustrated at the uncertainty at this point as it pertains to cleanliness for showings. Him being there means its not in the condition I'd like for showings.
I guess my real issue is now knowing he's back for whatever time doesn't bother me. It's ridiculous that he's playing this game again not even a month later, but I'm not additionally hurt by it, I guess because I feel I know how it's going to end up, I'm just not sure when.

I do not want to be married to this version of him and I don't see who he has become changing at all, he's dead set on this being all his decision revolving around that June 21 date.

I may have missed it, but why the 6/21 date? There must be another reason for that date. I'm a WW and even in the most foggiest of days, I don't recall giving my BH a date. Just curious about this date he has given you. There is no magic in a date when it comes to recovery IMHO.