Married for 25 yrs now wid 2 adult kids�I have faltered..my husband knows every detail now ..was having an affair wid an unmarried guy..who turned out to be a jerk..he blabbered d details to his new girlfriend ..who contacted my husband AND GAVE HIM EVERY DETAIL. Even so the bedroom postures .i am doomed..please am 47 now was married a virgin..nver been wid another man but my husband till this guy came to my life..met on a game on internet..and aftr seeing him for..2 yrs meeting weekly enjoying the excitement..and thinking I owe this to my self..i did it.
My husband P has been a womanizer all his life whether paid sex or otherwise he has had his fun..and used to boast about it in front of my n amongst family n friends in a joking manner > (he has made passes at my own best friend and first cousin. I came to know of this recently) But he is a super helpful and connected and a large hearted man for his friends.its been 6 months since he came to know..he has reacted with immense emotions and beaten me and abused and abused.
P is extremely hurt and cant deal with it�I tried taking him to a shrink and he has no one to talk to he doesn�t wanna share this with a anyone and it would bring a bad name to the family..i want to mend this ..he feels the whole world knows and is laughing�I feel bad for him ..i destroyed him..he feels dat..his ego has got hit very badly..i know I am wrong but pls help me save my marriage�
My daughter knows..she still loves me..

And about the guy I was seeing dnt even want to bother to say any thing..he is a serial user of women in their mid 40 ies
The point is dat its not that P is not trying , he is,but things keep coming back to him ..he keeps repeating d instances..i am nt allowed to go any whr..if I do I tell him and make sure I make phn calls etc..my best friend and my cousin knew earlier also dat I was seeing this other guy..very strange but they are the once he had made passes repeatedly
The Y I DON�T HAVE AN ANSWER FOR.. what should I do??I cant destroy my marriage..every time he did it or whatever he has done I don�t even ent even retaliated and told him that I know about ( sister n best friend thing ).every few days he abuses and says all sorts of filthy things..and d indifference kills me above all. Will he ever be able to forgive and forget ??

Regards
nandu

If you are a victim of physical abuse you need to leave immediately. With the emotions he is feeling you are in grave danger. He needs help you can't provide. Read "Surviving an Affair". I'm sorry you're here.

daughter interviened ..he stopped beating but verbal abuse when no one is around..extreme indeifference now..cant leave..such a beautiful time daughter and son about to settle in thr proffession..me not independent..dont want to leave to..want to survive..but how do i help him ? every time he asked whr what how ..he said il forgive u if u tell..but he cant thts it

wanted to share initially he was hving sex at time its gud i feel secure and feel its going to be ok..but it keeps coming back..he keeps getting bouts.

are thr any chances this will subside gradually ? should i be hopeful ? the only thing he is scared of is ..what will people say..? only for that reason i feel he is wid me..he say i hv sex wid u cause its my need ..i use u like a whore . i still am hopeful..cause he has money he could hv sex else whr he doesnt need me for that..
you must be thinking i am d person who has faultered..and am blaming him..no its not that i am totally at fault..but wanna make this work..he has admitted he has been at it..then why cant he forgive?

i can tell you the ans to the Y but cant explain it to him>>i guess for the excitement..probably his world was more imp for him i felt than me..and definately an idle mind. ND ALSO PEER PRESSURE MY WORKING FRIENDS HAD MALE FRIENDS GIVING THEM SOO MUCH ATTENTION.

nandu, I'd love to help with some advice, but your posts are tough to read. Do you have a problem with vowels?

Has your WH affair been exposed?

Who has your affair been exposed to?

There's physical abuse from your WH to you?

Are you still gaming?

Can you afford the coaching center?

Yes it has been exposed to my husband and daughter. Right now no physical abuse . No am not gaming at all.coaching for what ? And I am sorry so used to the chat style so have been using short form of words to write.please ask questions on what you don't follow I shall answer.

Nandu, if your husband is beating you, you need to leave there. Do you know of a safe place where you can go?

Don't answer any more questions about your affair - you don't want to precipitate another physical conflict.

Dr. Harley says you must separate where there's physical abuse.

Please listen and separate
Radio clip on physical abuse
Segment #2
Segment #3

hi
he was physical abusive initially but now just abusive verbally..last week has been very bad..felt like killing myself..but cant do more damage to my daughter.before last week we had great almost normal 15 days. leaving is not an option..i still love him more than anything else in d world..if i had to leave him i should have left initial years of my marriage when he very mean . i want you to help me help him make peace with the situation . i told him last night if you forgive me you will also stop hurting. it is not that i dont see him hurt..i do. but the point is it cant be undone. please advice.

i dont have any place to go .he tell me if you want me to forgive you go tell your brother what you did..let him hurt the way i do. he even threatened to tell my son ..who has gone for studies abroad and is alone.

Maybe a polygraph is the answer to his questions. Physical contact with another man can be catastrophic to his self esteem if he perceives it as something that he feel short on in the bedroom.

Both yours and your WH's affairs should be exposed.
Read this. Exposure 101

Is your WH still in his affair?

Were either your OM or his OW married during the affairs?

I understand it's tough ..I don't care about his affairs. I never questioned or gave it importance as he was good at home and with the family. He always boasted about them and made it a joke in social gatherings. What I did was a mistake I am guilty. What he did or will do he feels is his birth right. I was used in my so called affair also as the guy was juggling several women . So I am repenting and i admit I made a terrible mistake . I know for a person like him forgiveness is not going to be easy..all I want him to look at how he has been and think and at least try. By nit talking and maintaing distance and taunting all the time we are not getting any where. I have tolerated his being unfair a lot of times because from where I am divorce is not an option . So this is just one horrible mistake I have made...I have a right to b forgiven I feel.

I am not aware of that but he is friends with a woman who he claimed in public to have an affair with. Yaa they were very much married. The guy I had an affair with was not married.

You never questioned his affairs? Why? You didn't think they were important or affected your family???

i had no solid proof..so cudnt say anything

How is this not proof of your WH's affair?

how do i reassure him ? i dont want to tell him more details of want happenend between me and that guy.

You nee to separate if there's been physical abuse.

It doesn't matter one bit if its stopped.

It has to stop for a year before you can live together