You're shooting again.
When are you going to get to work?

Okay, I found it! They spelled Savannah without an H on the day you were on. Apparently you wrote in twice? Or someone else who happened to use a similar name.

Anyway, now we can listen:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=2411
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=2412
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=2413

**EDIT**

I understand. But it sounds like you've found the broadcast already. And again, I didn't start recording until well into it...almost at the end, when I realized I'd like to capture the advise he was giving.

If I get some time later, I'll transcribe what both Joyce and Dr. Harley said to me. But if you're mining for material to trace a pattern, you're not going to find much. AGAIN, the bulk of MY questions and struggle to the Harley's is in writing. The broadcast consists mostly of me listening.

Are they going to become physically violent against you?

Awesome! This saves me the trouble of transcribing. And you'll get more than the abbreviated version that I recorded.

I think I said why I wanted to hear the broadcast; I want to hear what Dr. Harley told you. I'm pretty sure I've said that about six times now, but I'm not really getting the impression you are listening, here.

Please explain your reasoning.

My reasoning is that if exposure to a "church crowd' turned out badly in cases of infidelity that you know about, then it was the "church crowd" that was bad. If they do not help the confessor/adulterer and his or her family to overcome the adultery, then that is because they are bad. You cannot use your example of a bad "church crowd" to contradict Jesus's instruction to apologise to each other.

When are you going to tell your husband, Mary?

Ok, I just wanted some help here...but this is TIRING!!! Indiegirl, did you miss where I said it WASN'T Facebook where we reconnected. I even stated that I shut down my FB page months ago. It was a huge time waster. I only looked him up on the professional network after we said 'hi' at church one Sunday.

I really appreciate much of the advice here, even the hard stuff, but I can't follow this post if people are gonna just re-write my story and attack based on fabricated information.

Facebook or not facebook. It doesn't matter. The advice is still the same. Your situation is not somehow better because you met on a professional network instead of facebook, hon.

When are you going to tell your husband?

Can_Not_Believe....THANK YOU! Someone understands where I'm coming from. That's just a BAD IDEA with the folks we attend church with.

The blind can't lead the blind. Folks who are not walking in the Spirit themselves will make a disaster of your information. I've got enough problems without signing up for that.

Ok, work calls...gotta go make some money. Will check in later.

Thanks again!

YOU are THE BLIND, Mary! How is it you can lead them?

Can_Not_Believe has absolutely NO experience saving marriages. Dr. Harley does. Would you rather listen to Can_Not_Believe because he makes you feel better?

When are you going to tell your husband, Mary?

Mary, this is the problem I am talking about when I talk about sweeping problems under the rug. This is neglect on your husband's part. We can help you with this, but we need to keep the problems separate and deal with each one in turn.

Listening to you right now talk about how wonderful your husband is. Lots of great comments here from Dr. Harley about how much your husband needs you. It doesn't sound like "stand by your man," i.e., put up with his short comings and accommodate him not being interested in spending time with you. I think you might like to listen to this again.

Mary, I keep asking questions, and I have to ask them about five times before I get answers. Would your church become violent toward you if you confessed your sin?

"For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear."

http://bible.cc/2_timothy/4-3.htm

You can find excuses not to tell the church. I would say that if they are not walking in the Spirit then you would do well to cut ties with them. Why are you in such a church, if that is how they are?

But there is no excuse not to tell your husband. No excuse, full stop.

That's entirely your call, Mary. Come back if nothing changes and you remain miserable however. I see great potential in you and I don't think you are dumb enough to try and bury a dinosaur sized lie in a mouse sized hole. I don't think you'd be happy or at ease that way. We are here for you if you change your mind



Villify? I disagree. Villification is saying someone is hopelessly unchangeable (as you imply your husband is). I don't think you are hopelessly unchangeable at all. I just think you need a bit of shaking up. MB is like bootcamp. Get used to the 2x4s. I did. Check out my thread and the flak I took if you don't believe me.


Great insight! You could be a class MBer if you chose to be. To elaborate, it is easier to avoid actively seeking ENs, if you get them at home. But you still need to block people who actively seek you out. Plus there are always times in your marriage when ENs can't be met: illness, bereavements etc so you need to be able to cope with not having ANY needs met if need be..



I hear you. A full restoration of the romance in your marriage is part of the recovery plan. But we need to get your H on board with that without lying to him. He needs to know the floorboards in the house are rotting. Painting over the rot won't work.

I know you are afraid, but your marriage is more important than your fear.



You must report any posters who spout bitterness at you. It isn't allowed under MB rules. Click on notify if anyone breaks the forum rules and the mods will remove their post.

We are bound by very strict rules and we are not allowed to spout personal philosophies.

We are only allowed to repeat Dr Hs advice. If you see any posts that conflict with his advice, notify the mods.

No one has posted a personal philosophy to you so far, but you should be aware of the rules.

We are telling you to expose because Dr H would tell you to.

We are telling you your situation is not an exception, because it isn't. He lists out the exceptions very carefully. There are only three reasons not to expose and you don't qualify. Your feeling embarassed and judged is actually fantastic and a great reason to embrace exposure.

If I were to take a crazy pill and decide to post 'don't expose' or 'ok, Ill let you off', the other posters would report me to the mods and my misleading advice would be deleted.

So if you want different advice, go to a different site.

If you think Dr H would respond differently to your story in person, contact the radio show.

I think saving your marriage and making it a romantic and fun one is highly doable with MB advice.

But it is your call whether or not to embrace it.

Come back when you're ready.