Time by herself to lift the fog?

You can't be serious. Really? Listen to how this sounds.

What you are really saying is "I am not going to fight for what is mine. I am going to ALLOW my WIFE to be with another man while I stand passively on the sidelines watching it happen"


Look, a lot of us has been where you are at and completely understand. We are speaking from experience. You will become STRONGER the sooner you actually DO something. It will give you the best chance to save your marriage and build self-confidence in yourself regardless if your marriage works out or not.

Be a good example to your children. Be STRONG.

Make it happen.

Pathetic, dude! Let me paraphrase:

I owned a bright red 1964 Ford Mustang, and was
a neglectful owner. I failed to frequently rotate
the tires, did not wax it monthly, and sometimes
let 2,500 miles go between oil changes. I realized
how poorly I was treating it, so made changes to
my behavior. Now a car-thief has stolen it, but I
know how much he enjoys riding it, so I'm not sure
I should report the theft and fight to get it back.

Where is your sense of "self", dude?

(I could have done the same with Bruins' season tixx,
but I'm a Rangers fan and I started to feel skeevy.)

We BS's have all felt weak at times. For me, I hated that feeling as it was foreign feeling to me, being a strong person my whole life. I hated it so much that I decided it was up to ME to feel strong again by taking decisive ACTION.

Want to feel strong again? Do exactly what the vets are telling you to to. Exactly.

Well isn't the whole point of plan b to cut off communications? We did plan A for 8 weeks and nothing so isn't this fighting for my marriage? Have any of you gone through Plan A and B then back to A and now B again?

Continuing... from: Principles of ethics and professionalism in psychiatry
Principles of ethics and professionalism in psychiatry

Why are you so scared to approach this POS and tell him what's up?

If he is indeed the person you say he is, he may just fly away in the face of trouble with you. Affairs thrive in secrecy. You know that right?

Once the A with your W becomes more trouble than it is worth and contact has ended for real, after a 6-8 week withdraw, your WW might just come out of her fog and realize what she has done.

It isn't going to happen until you blow the fantasy relationship out of the water. You do realize what Dr Harley says about the LB? Any of us can fall in love with someone if our LB balance reaches a certain threshold.

She fell in love with you before, go in there and make her fall madly in love with you again.

This is like a car wreck, cant take my eyes of it.

Plan A and Plan Band ultimately Plan DIVORCE if it goes that far is for those who have ended the affair (or at least have tried to end it) which you have not done.

I dont ever suggest it because I didnt feel the need to do it myself but you and your wife need counseling by the counseling center here. No one else should attempt it.

Discussing it with us, hoping for devine intervention, and waiting for this woman to come to her senses are proving to be futile.

Im heading towards happy hour and a great weekend of stuff to do and your thread is bumming me out.

I cannot believe a man would sit as idly by as you are while someone is destroying your life. Whats wrong with you, buddy?

...I question at this point if I exposed she would just vilify me and he would run to her rescue putting them even closer together....I am not ruling out anything any of you have said and am not afraid to fight...I just dont want to do anything without thinking it through clearly and making sure its the right avenue to take...I flew off the handle a lot in our previous life together....really bad temper....its all I can do to not let the anger take me over and go beat him to a pulp..I have fantasised about it often but if i did it would play right into his hands that I am some kind of rage monster undeserving of her.

This is my last post to you until I hear you have ended this affair.

Here's the good news, you dont have to think about what's right and what's wrong. Its been done by the owner of this site after working with 1000s of couples like you. He has given you a plan to follow and lots of backup reasoning.

You are afraid of something that you should not scare you. She's gone and she thinks you are OK with it. Why is that so hard to see?

You are not going to hit or harm him until after SHE has written a No Contact letter and he's been warned to f-off. And only if he has the cajones to make contact with your girl.

Now, Im really done with this thread because you seen to just want the attention and have no desire to fight the fight.

Almost everyone is afraid of exposure - afraid it will push the affair partners together. Do it anyway. YES, it will make her mad. SO what?! Aren't your kids worth making her mad??? If you do it correctly, it tells the world you are fighting for your family and against immorality. You're asking for others to stand up and support faithfulness and your marriage - and NOT stand for infidelity.

Do you really care if your cheating wife is MAD at you?????? That's what I had to ask myself about my H when I discovered his affair and felt fearful.

I have to agree with the men here. It's time to man up and start showing some self-respect. Your wife can't fall back in love with you if she does not respect you - and she certainly cannot respect you if you don't respect yourself and show it!

You don't have to be a raving lunatic to show self respect.

Trust me...once you start doing some things that a self-respecting person would do in your situation, you will feel much more in control of your own life rather than feeling helpless that "they're just in luuuuv" and there's nothing you can do about it!

My H moved out. He told me he could NEVER be in love with me again....all that stuff. Now, a year and a half later - in recovery - we are CRAZY about each other.

Thanks Marcos for this even though it was said on another thread. It finally click in my head.

Please read and listen to what Dr. Harley says about exposure.

Please read.
Exposure 101 Did you read this?
Dr. Harley "I encourage BH to confront OM"
What Are Plan A and Plan B

You see thats the problem..I agree with everything you are saying and to regain self respect I want to be DONE with her and all her BS. F her and that wishy washy I dont know what to do BS....she has put me and my kids through hell and what kind of person does this to a 6 and 2 year old? Self respect for me is a fine line of walking away and fighting...I have fought for 9 months...I exposed and did everything DR Hartley recommended and it did not work...I have done everything but face him and I am afraid of what I will do....When do you just say F it and let her figure it out for herself? When do you move on? I saw the look in her eyes ...she does NOT CARE...She is caught up in the fantasy and I do not want to go down with her....fighting is only good if there is hope...I dont know if I see any

Sorry...just a little up and down today...just really thought it would work this time...dont know if I can go back to square one

Do you feel like you've done absolutely everything for your marriage? If you went to D there would be no regrets?

Read all of these. When to call it Quits

I am not sure but am heavily leaning on done all I can....As far as regrets go ...I dont know...starting to think no

How does one not see the obvious correlations/contradictions here?

1) She is caught up in the fantasy and I do not want to go down with her....fighting is only good if there is hope...I dont know if I see any

2) what kind of person does this to a 6 and 2 year old?

3) F her and that wishy washy I dont know what to do BS

Between 1 and 2: Your young children are watching you, dude, and learning. It would be good if they learn that fighting for what's right and noble is laudable, even if the fight is lost. Throwing in the towel is NOT a good lesson.

Between 1 and 3: Let's suppose you're right and this has been irretrievably broken by her actions (with his evil connivance). Doesn't at least a small part of you want to exact revenge, to ruin them as they ruined your family? If that's what it would take for you to pick up the weapons and go to war, then do so. Who knows? You might do such damage to him that he bolts, and you might hurt her so much she'll realize you care for her.

One doesn't know where the advantages come from. Mine came from being arrested, and then almost murdering a pre-teen child. The first shocked my bride into reality about US, and the second terrified the OM into worrying about ME.

(But let me warn you: The best way to reduce participation here is to have my colleagues start to think that they care more for your marriage than you do.)

Did you read the thread and listen to the clips I posted to you about Dr. Harley encouraging BH to confront OM?

bruinsb, are you reading the articles that BrainHurts is posting? Or are you just posting your answers?

Please take the time to use every resource given to you. Read the articles, listen to any radio shows people post.

Lots of people have done that. It means they are doing the plans wrong and shooting themselves in the foot.