"Originally Posted By: markos

Originally Posted By: bruinsb How do you control your emotions and fears?

The way you are talking about it, endlessly: stop doing that. You are causing your own emotions by your actions. Don't talk about it, don't dwell on it.

I have six children and I constantly have to tell them "You can do something even if you are afraid, even if you don't want to." It's as simple as that. For example, one of my children will sometimes spontaneously decide he doesn't want to put his head under the running water from the shower to wash his hair. I'll hear all sorts of whining "I'm scared!!!!!" And I'll say "Okay, you are scared, but that's not stopping you from washing your hair. Do it anyway, even though you are scared."

There's no "how" do you control the emotions. Take a deep breath and focus on DOING what you need to do, and quit using your feelings as an excuse not to. When you start posting about what you are DOING instead of what you are FEELING, you will find that it turns out you will FEEL a lot better."

Thanks Marcos for this even though it was said on another thread. It finally click in my head.

Sorry I just copied and pasted not sure how to work the quote button yet.

Good job.

Is she still in contact with OM? Did you see your lawyer?

Saw lawyer. He said he will do what ever I want to do. Told me to move back in the house. Last I checked through my cousin she was still posting things on his Facebook page. Haven't seen no text go to his phone, but there is a new number that is following the same pattern as before but I can't figure out whose it is. Spokeo just tells me it is a landline out of Georgia, but I think it is a google voice number that may be linked to OM's cell phone. The reason I think it
is a Google voice is because the landline number is able to send text to ww cell phone. I have had somebody call the number and it just rings and then goes to voicemail but it is a generic voicemail so I don't know who it is.

If anybody knows how to trace this number I would appreciate the help.

Also nobody thinks this marriage can be saved except me and you guys. Not even my own family thinks it can be saved. My family supports me every other way but keep telling me it is over.

Well have they dealt with infidelity? Probably not, and we have.

Are you on ADs for your depression?

So now that you're back at home get a keylogger on that computer and put a VAR on her vehicle.

What Plan A plans do you have prepared?

Not on AD's yet but might have to to get me through this. May go tomorrow since my Dr is open on Saturday for a few hours.

No my parents have never been through infidelity. They have been married going on thirty years now. They got married on Pearl Harbor Day and have been using and inside joke saying they have been fighting ever since.

Plan A is to be the husband that she thought I couldn't be.

Cut the grass like she wanted me to.

Learn to hang of my son's clothes using her system which I have learned. She said I wouldn't learn her system.

Help with the boys more.

Tell her she is beautiful, even though for years she wouldn't believe me.

I know there is more but these are some of the things she listed in one of the questionnaires I managed to get her to fill out.

I know we need UA time together but I don't think that is going to happen at this moment.

Thanks BH for coming back.

Of course, my friend.

Ok so when will she be home?

Can you install a keylogger before she gets home?

What about having something for dinner ready?

Have you told OM's BW they are still in contact?

She has already made it home.

Will have to look at a keylogger if she leaves again.

OM was not married. He did have a girlfriend while seeing my WW. But a few days after I busted him in my house the OM broke up with his GF. I then found out through my cousin who is still friends with him on Facebook that he had a new GF. About ten days after dating her he got engaged to her but then after about a week or so they broke up.

I may be able to cook dinner.

So what was her response about you being back?

Keep an eye on who his new woman might be and let her know ASAP if there's contact.

Do you smell good and look good? Are you in a good mood?

Do remember the carrot and stick of Plan A? Carrot and Stick of Plan A

She hasn't said a word to me yet.

I will keep an eye out on any new woman OM might get involved with.

Not really, still cutting the grass. Will have to hit the showers when I'm done.

She just came home without the boys. She just walked into the house and said when I was ready to talk she would be inside. I know this is going to lead to an argument, what do I do.

Control yourself and DO NOT ARGUE.

If she says anything that you don't like you keep repeating "I know we can have a very wonderful, romantic M but I will not have 3 in my M".

If she gets snotty you repeat it and add "you want a cup of ice (or cookie or potato chip but I was staying with the summer theme).

I didn't argue with her, but she is leaving. The only problem is that she didn't bring my boys home. I will have to go Monday and file for a legal separation and get a custody hearing. Although she will probably win since she has the better schedule.

Where are the boys? Go get them.

I think you need to call your lawyer back. We're still here for you.

I wouldn't bet on this. Remember what state you're in. Did you ever show her that message from the felon that you were told to show her? You do remember the one I'm talking about, right? And if not, why not?

You tell her that she is free to leave but that she will NOT be taking the kids with her. You will not allow your children to be exposed to the kind of "man" that doesn't have enough freaking sense to not do things that will get his sorry [censored] sent to prison. You let her know that you will not file for divorce, that you only do marriage. Make HER do all the hard work. Let her know if she wants out this badly, then she files. But also let her know that if she does choose to file then you will be counter-filing on grounds of adultery and seeking full custody of your children. Then you tell her that you'll be having POSOM subpoenaed for testimony and have all his phone and email records paraded in full view in a court of law. You can also let her know that his criminal past will also come out in court and will probably play a major part in custody. This is all very easy to do in this state. South Cackalacky is bass-ackwards in a lot of ways, but you have a distinct advantage in this arena in this state. USE IT DAMMIT!

t2c, I getting tired of asking you questions and telling you things over and over and not getting timely responses, and I'm sure everyone else is as well. You better get cracking and start doing what you're told to do WHEN YOU ARE TOLD TO DO IT or you're going to find yourself completely alone in this. I don't say this to be a butthole, but it is what it is. Nobody here has time to waste on someone that doesn't care about his marriage as much as we do.

Man up, if for no other reason, for your kids.

Tigerwes, that is why I finally came home. I'm manning up. The problem with the kids is that we both have legal rights to them. She can't take them while I am at the house but no sooner as I go to work then she can leave with them until one of us files and we have a temporary custody hearing.

My lawyer also told me the same thing about having the full advantage and he is willing to fight for what ever I want not like the other lawyer that told me to just settle out of court.

I haven't showed her the message yet but I did send him the message that you wrote I think, about him messing with my life I am going to mess with his life. I also added at the end of that message that is he set foot in my workplace, house, or on my land I would have him arrested for trespassing.

And sorry I haven't answered your question over the past couple weeks, I do apologize. I need all the help I can get and don't want to lose none of ya'lls support. I think my nerves took a ride on the tallest roller coaster today but I made it and feel better.

Where are your boys? Can you go get them?

I could but I think a fight would insure. So I am going to let it blow over for tonight and get them tomorrow.

Also I need to know if I done the right thing. She wanted me to leave until July since her nephew is down for a month. She asked could I do that for her. I then asked her what she has done for me. I said what have I wanted for two months. She said it was over and then asked again would I wait until July to move back in. I calmly told her no and I wasn't going to argue about it. That is where the conversation ended. Did I do right, wrong, partly right, or partly wrong.

Perfectly done. Don't back down either, because she will come back at you for a better solution that suits her, not you.