Hey! There are at least a few Yanks who
can appreciate "The Beautiful Game"!

Personally, I'm a Tyne-side supporter!

Go Toons!

WELL!! I am most certainly not a yank!


I used to get beat up and put down for years for preaching Marriage Builders.........on Marriage Builders. None of the self described, "sage," "seasoned" "vets" knew anything about Marriage Builders when I arrived.

I was a little slow on the uptake but I did figure it all out around 2006-2007 when I went to the MB weekend and started listening to Dr Harley on the radio. Then it was just a matter of battling for the right to discuss Marriage Builders on Marriage Builders. Many people were furious that the board became a vehicle to teach MB instead of a platform to share "sage," seasoned" lofty opinions of the veterans and every other crapwit with a computer and a keyboard.

My favorite time was around 2006-2007 when I participated in a board movement to run off the brazen OW and WW who used to troll the board and attack BS's. [many from gloryb.com, where most skanks reside] When I arrived here, they pretty much ran the board and if you said anything derogatory about a filthy affair you were quickly shut down for making a "disrespectful judgement." I was treated to a call out thread my first week here and attacked by a loud and proud WW for making "disrespectful judgments."

Those old skanks used to come over here like sharks in search of some fresh BS meat! I decided I would be their huckleberry. Please note they are not here anymore! Many sport my Texas boot print in their backsides..

The board is so much nicer now that all those troublemakers are gone!

Thanks NG. I guess the night shifts are playing more havoc with me than I thought.

You know my dad (who is German) would always say that everything wrong with us children came from our mom (who is French). Dang dad, talk about some DJs.

I agree and that's why I didn't use poster names or threads because I saw her online just today.

Thanks SusieQ I think I saw those two when they came back a short time ago and everyone was calling her out from her time before. So I went back and read some of their earlier threads. It was so sad That's when I would be going back to read the past threads and kept getting more disappointed.

Haha, I knew you had to have a big "boot" in the whole situation.

Thank you, my friend, for sticking it out. If I would have come to this board back then I don't think I would have survived "sitting on the fence".

I did see alot of waywards getting the "king" and "queen" treatment. No wonder they wanted everyone sitting on the fence so they could continue to eat cake.

I was shocked when I saw the bantering that walked the fine line into flirting. There would be all these Betrayed spouses weak for RA and the waywards that never changed. No wonder the PM is disabled on this site. Thank you Dr. H for that.

I'm so glad MB forums are used correctly now and want to thank all you guys for sticking it out.

To all my fellow MB warriors, I commend you my friends.

Well you're talking the talk and walking the walk now, aren't you? I have learned alot from you and markos, as well as many other fine posters here.

For that, I thank you.

I started reading here in April of 2008 and started posting shortly after. One great improvement has been the compilation threads focusing on various topics (exposure, plan B, etc). They certainly help direct a BS's attention at a time when it is difficult to concentrate on anything. And having an entire forum on investigating is tremendously helpful - especially when so many people think it is wrong to snoop on their spouse.

Great changes in the forum. And the radio show and forum are incredible gifts from Dr. and Mrs. Harley to the world.

AM

I'll be the judge of that.

Yes, she is.

And did I mention she recently lost twenty pounds, and she looks GREAT? At one point in time, Prisca lamented that I didn't rate "attractive spouse" as a higher emotional need, because that would've motivated her to lose weight. Turns out, I was wrong, and that is a higher need.

Yes you would be the best judge, now wouldn't you?

Good job Prisca.

I'm in total agreement with you AM.

The radio show is an excellent resource and most everything is free. How can you beat that?

BH, I'm sure you've probably seen this, but we had a thread last year about the term "vet":

What is a Vet?

My own personal response

I have, and thank you for finding it again.

Good grief! The first time I've been here in a couple of years and I get to see this? I would say that it is the epitome of gaul(sic) to think one can know that early environment just by reading a few posts.

There were some pretty awesome people in those early years who helped many of us, Suse, DuncanMac, Sheba, etc., etc. Even JL was around then.

FWIW, had I adhered to the 'strict' orthodoxy, I would not be married today. My DW has said that had I implemented Plan B, she would have simply moved on. Plan B letter or no, she would have judged my interest by my actions. For many of you, that might be "An Inconvenient Truth".

Regardless of your judgment of the quality of the posts and posters from those days, many of us saved our marriages with the support of the 'blasphemers'. :-)

That being said, you have a great group of vets here now. Take advantage of that to learn from them how to grow and enrich your marriages.

In closing, I would respectfully suggest that you all concentrate your efforts on your own marriages rather than sitting in judgment of those who came before.

Good luck.
<A drive-by that ended sooner than expected>

Hey Heartpain. And I would request that you not lecture the folks who have been here all these years actually doing the heavy lifting. They are the ones who took the time to learn Marriage Builders and donate their own free time here helping others. If it weren't for them this board would still be the sewer it was when I arrived 11 years ago. If you are going to criticize those who are doing the hard work, you might want to grab a shovel yourself if you want to be taken seriously. I have been here for 11 years and haven't seen you do anything more than the occasional cameo appearance every year or so.

I think others can read and see that this place was a virtual sewer 10+ years ago. Yes, it was. I was here. Brazen waywards and OW from gloryb were treated better than the broken hearted betrayed spouses who showed up desperately seeking help. And did they get help? Nope. Rarely did they get Marriage Builders help because few people even knew about Marriage Builders. The regular posters routinely passed out destructive advice or touted other marriage programs that are inferior to Marriage Builders. This was little more than a chat forum. Betrayed spouses were attacked for making "disrespectful judgments" if they dared make a derogatory remark about adultery. OW were treated like rockstars. THAT is galling.

Most of the self described veterans had bad marriages themselves and few even owned a MB book. Those folks substituted their own flawed personal philosophies for those of Dr Harley, an absolute travesty of justice for those coming here for help. How many marriages were lost because this forum was a literal Tower of Babel? This was a chat forum for BS's and WS's, not a place to learn about Marriage Builders.

Your comment above about the "strict orthodoxy" of Plan B demonstrates my point. WHAT "strict orthodoxy?" There is not one when it comes to men, unless it involves a marriage where a WS will not end her affair. And in those cases, divorce is the definition of success unless you are into polygamy. There is no success in staying married to someone who won't end her affair after 6 months to a year. This is not marriage-at-all-cost, after all. Just staying in a bad marriage is not the goal of Marriage Builders and never has been. You might find that to be an Inconvenient Truth.

We have a great group of posters here NOW [young and old - some of our best posters have only been here 3 months] because they took the time to educate themselves about Marriage Builders. Many have great marriages themselves. [others might be divorced or in Plan B, which is sometimes the definition of success] They applied these principles to their own lives and help others do the same.

We can and should "judge" that this board was not a place that helped marriages at one time. It was a sewer that was unwittingly financed by the good hearted and generous Dr Harley. God Bless him for cleaning up the sewer so folks could learn about Marriage Builders on Marriage Builders. What a novel idea, huh?

Thank you Melody.

Thank YOU, Brainhurts, for being a REAL "veteran" on this board. Thank for your many contributions to the broken hearted people who come to this board every day seeking help. YOU are the definition of a real "veteran."

I showed up here in 2009 after my H's affair. I read all of the articles first, and they sounded 'right' to me. Then I went to the forums. I read everything I could.

But the farther back on the threads that I went, the looser the concepts became. It seemed that anything before 2005-06 was pretty much the Wild, Wild West, and little reference was made about the Marriage Builders program. So I stayed away from those early posts (and I hope other new posters do, as well.) It seemed to be a catch-all for any concepts, any theories - any suggestions, for people trying to save their marriages. How irresponsible of those posters, who posted advice that was counter to Marriage Builders! If you recovered your marriage IN SPITE of that advice, good for you.

NOPE. I will not do that. And I am insulted that you would attempt to chastize my volunteer efforts here and push to sway me away from promoting MB advice. Not going to happen. I will not stand silently by and allow new, hurting posters to stumble over poor advice. I will absolutely not do that. Sorry.

Thanks Mel and MB and all the fellow "vets". That was the the exact attitude I would see in most of the old threads, not from everyone but from the majority. One of the examples he noted was one of the posters I was following and that's when I saw the EA/invite for lunch and I almost got sick.

I so appreciate you guys and this forum for teaching MB and of course the good Dr. Harley for giving us this plethora of information.

I arrived in August of 2007. I never saw evidence of OW running things. But...things have changed dramatically since then. I felt welcome in 2007. **edit**

In 2007 through 2010 I felt very supported and understood. After that I feel things changed dramatically. I mean, DRAMATICALLY. I no longer recognize this board.

Good.