Dear BH:

It is with deep regret that I must inform you that your wife had an emotional affair with my husband from approximately April 2011 to February 21, 2012.

Starting August 2011, your wife was my husband�s mentor for XXXXXXXXXXX. I obtained phone records of hundreds of texts exchanged between your wife and my husband. I obtained the content of most of the November and December 2011 texts and saw that the texts were not within the scope of XXXXXX due to the flirting and joking. The two of them crossed a line that should have stayed strictly business as his mentor.

I feel it is my duty to report these interactions to you as her husband.

In February, I asked that my husband send your wife an email changing their means of communication from text messages to business phone or email only. After this, she left the XXXXX program. Your wife sent my husband another text today, violating our request for no texting contact. Neither my husband nor myself will tolerate contact of any sort from your wife.

Please contact me if you have any questions.

Thank you,
TinT

PS. You may find this article helpful regarding opposite sex friends and their affect on a marriage: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8119_friends.html

Just use this and change from friend to family.

Also this.

Also after your WH writes the no contact he needs to change his phone and all contact information.

Thank you Brainhurts!

Is my letter to her BH good to go?

Just saw it, yes looks good. Send it.

I am so scared of what this is going to stir up in my husband's company. Of how her husband will react. That they are going to say that I took it all out of context. That the joking and flirting and texts were all work related. I'm just scared as heck right now.

Here is what I came up with for the mother of the OW to expose EA to her via facebook message. OW does not have a facebook page, but her mom and husband do. I need feedback before I drop the bomb on this skanky-ho.

Dear mother of OW,

Your daughter was conducting an emotional affair with my husband from April 2011 to February 2012. She was his mentor at XXXXXX and she used her position to begin an inappropriate texting relationship with him. She may say it was just mentoring or a friendship, but it definitely crossed a line into what would be considered an emotional affair when she texted him late evenings, weekends, on holidays and early in the morning. She got him to confide in her and she confided in him with her own personal problems, none of which was business related. I was able to send proof of some of what they were saying to each other in November and December to my own email.

My husband asked that she never text him again on February 21, 2012. Soon afterward, she left the mentoring program and he never heard from her again, until today. She texted him again today. I am asking that you use your influence with your daugther to persuade her to leave my husband alone. My husband and I have been married 17 years, we have 3 children, I love him very much, and I will not tolerate further contact from your daughter to my husband.

Thank you,
TinT

TinT, why is she able to text your H? Why have you not changed his cell phone number? You need to cut off all means of contact. Has this not happened?

I would trim down your letter and cut straight to the chase:

TinT, I'm not a vet as you requested, but gonna put my 2 cents worth in anyway.

I know the fear of calling the OW's BH is daunting, but why? What have YOU done wrong? What has HE done wrong? Hmmm, me thinks nothing.

BUT, by not not letting him know what is going on in his life makes you at the very least culpable in his pain that he has yet to experience. Guess why? By not telling this poor betrayed soul what his wife is doing puts you in the same category as your WH and his OW. By not telling him, you are complicit in the deception that is going on right underneath his nose. Is this a burden you are truly willing to shoulder?

You must relieve yourself of this burden. It's not your's to carry.

Just like you, he deserves the truth about his life and to whom he's married.

TinT, please help that poor man understand the truth of his existence. It will change everything for you.

I found OW's BH. I was terrified to call him, but I did. To get to him I had to call his MOTHER and ask her to have her son get in touch with me. She was so kind and gentle and southern....she said, 'is this about his wife?' I said, 'yes, ma'am.' He called me back within 10 minutes. It was then he learned the reason why his young wife had left him. Because she was having an affair with my husband.

He deserved the truth about his life.

Thank you all so much for the support. I'm scared as heck! I edited my letter to her mom and am sending the other letter to her BH. I am going to a walk with my H. He says after seeing me hurt even more, he will support me in exposure to that man. I am so stressed right now my carotid arteries are burning. So odd. I will expose before midnight tonight. Please pray for me. I'm terrified.

Stop the fear. OW should fear YOU, not the other way around. You should be FURIOUS at her damage to your marriage!

But stay calm and try not to want to kill the OW (they have laws about murder ) Talk to the man.

I agree. Exposure is the way to go. That man has the right to know.

I just hit send on the exposure letter via facebook to the OW's BH. Thought I'd feel relieved...maybe that comes later.

You did the right thing.

Don't you feel better that you helped this BH know the truth about his life? Wouldn't you have wanted someone to tell you?

I just exposed EA to OW's mother the above letter with edits (thank you) via Facebook message. I'm worried about the fallout.

I think I am feeling empowered and want to email OW too. Does
Harley recommend this?

Also, I have emailed Steve several times over the past few days and he never responds. Has anyone who pays the big bucks for his counseling ever get email support in a crisis situation. I am extremely disappointed that he was not able to help me.

Thanks for everything,
TinT

Read this. Dr. Harley "I Encourage BH to confront OM"

Hi TinT, well done on exposing the OW!!!

I just wanted to chime in and allay you of some of your worries. I am a BW who had to beg and plead for someone to tell me of my WH's A after his continued denials. Even when a friend exposed him, they refused to tell me any details or who OW was. It took months of my snooping and pain, but to no avail. Then, after NINE months of trying to heal without the facts, I got confirmation of who OW was. Only then, once I knew who the assailant on my marriage and life was, did I really start to move forward and heal.

You have done the right thing by exposing. Ensure you get this OW's BH's contact number / email so you can contact him direct. To ensure that he knows.

As for the Harley's not responding, I have heard that some email addy's struggle to get through. Try contacting the mods here and they often help pass the message through. I have emailed the Harley's and always had a prompt response, so it may be your addy on a spam filter.