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I haven't called any today. He was around. I think I'll be able to make some tomorrow. Can you do any Plan B preparation? The letter? Line up an IM? How much longer until he leaves? Do not engage in his fights.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Is there an easy way to read the plans? I can't seem to find them.
Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June
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Is there an easy way to read the plans? I can't seem to find them. Frenchie, posters have been linking the important articles to you since you began posting. Have you not read them?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Yes I did. I went back and re-read them. Just though there was a place on this site that had everything in one place. Maybe things I missed. I've filled for divorce in July last year. Next court date to have it restored to docket in the 26th. I had withdrew it because he wanted it, I took a chance I regret taking. I should have never withdrawn it. I'll see what happens on the court date. Right now. I'm getting my ducks in a row
Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June
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Just though there was a place on this site that had everything in one place. Frenchie, the information you need is on this site, but you have to make the effort to educate yourself by seeking out the articles here and reading them. I am concerned that you appear to have no knowledge of the articles here, when so many have been linked to you. They are also linkied throughout this site. Have you read any of the articles that have been linked to you in the responses on your thread?
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Yes I did. I went back and re-read them. Just though there was a place on this site that had everything in one place. Maybe things I missed. I've filled for divorce in July last year. Next court date to have it restored to docket in the 26th. I had withdrew it because he wanted it, I took a chance I regret taking. I should have never withdrawn it. I'll see what happens on the court date. Right now. I'm getting my ducks in a row Agree with MaritalBliss. Frenchie what exactly are you looking for that you didn't find in the links that were already posted? Is it about D information?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I'm looking at the info from my cellphone so I guess it's not as easy as it would be from a computer
Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June
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Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
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I'm looking at the info from my cellphone so I guess it's not as easy as it would be from a computer Oh that makes sense. Tell me what you need and I will link it here so you can open them up. Start here and read all the links How To Survive an Affair I would concentrate on the Plan B information I posted to you. Do you need me to post them again?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Posts: 71
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No I have plan B. thanks 
Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June
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No I have plan B. thanks When is your appointment with a lawyer?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
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Some more on telling the children. This from Dr. Harley himself. JOEneedshelp:
My position on exposure to children has been consistent over the years for a host of reasons: Tell them about the affair as soon as you discover it. The primary reason for this type of exposure is that they should know eventually anyway, even if the marriage is on the road to recovery, because it gives them accurate information about what their mom and dad are going through. If the marriage is headed for recovery, the unfaithful spouse is usually willing to go along with the revelation. But if the affair is still ongoing, or if the recovery is not very solid, the unfaithful spouse will resist the exposure, and become very upset when it's made. Then, it's especially important to expose the affair to the children because it generally speeds up the death of the affair. Affairs don't always die a natural death, but exposure speeds up whatever would have happened without it.
Joyce is correct in observing that it's a tough call when the children are 6 and 4, and she tells me that she didn't say not to tell them, but left if up to Joe's judgment. But my position has been that, tough or not, it's the right thing to do. When the marriage is recovered, it's a great lesson for the children to explain how vulnerable parents are to this very insidious enemy of marriage.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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frenchie, what is going on with you? is your WH still at home? have you found a lawyer? have you told your kids? are you able to use a computer rather than your phone? do you have access?
please advise where you are in the process.
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My kids do know and have known since everything came our last year. My kids are range from 14-20 years old. My next court date is next Tuesday to have it restored to docket. I can't afford a lawyer and make to much to get once court appointed or probono so I'm going to have to go through mediation. If we can't agree then the judge will have to make the final call on those issues I guess. Any decent judge wouldn't let him get away with what he is trying to get away with.
Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June
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I have to agree with the tough call in what you posted. I don't believe in lying to your children. How many of you tell your kids there is a Santa clause? Easter bunny? Tooth fairy? Is that not lying? I've never had my kids believe in any of that. I just think caution needs to be taken with children. Everythig that happens to them wether positive or negative hanges who they are. That what I'm saying.
Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June
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Posts: 20,476 Likes: 5
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I have to agree with the tough call in what you posted. I don't believe in lying to your children. How many of you tell your kids there is a Santa clause? Easter bunny? Tooth fairy? Is that not lying? I've never had my kids believe in any of that. I just think caution needs to be taken with children. Everythig that happens to them wether positive or negative hanges who they are. That what I'm saying. So are you disagreeing with Dr. Harley's advice on telling the children? Comparing Santa Clause to Infidelity?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I have to agree with the tough call in what you posted. I don't believe in lying to your children. How many of you tell your kids there is a Santa clause? Easter bunny? Tooth fairy? Is that not lying? I've never had my kids believe in any of that. I just think caution needs to be taken with children. Everythig that happens to them wether positive or negative hanges who they are. That what I'm saying. Yet you were advocating lying to them about adultery. If you don't "lie" to them about Santa, why would you advocate lying about infidelity? And I think folks can discern the difference between a white lie and a black lie. Teaching kids about Santa does not harm them. Lying to them about infidelity does. I can tell you from first hand experience that, as an adult, I RESENT my mother lying to me about my father's infidelity because it confused and upset me. On the other hand, I CHERISH her for telling me about SAnta because it brought so much joy and fun to my childhood.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Frenchie, your children aren't really children anymore. 14-20. They have well-developed minds, they are aware of sexuality, some of them are legal age of marriage and old enough to be parents themselves.
But what I am trying to get at, is that they are not fools. They are not waiting up all night to spot the Tooth Fairy, those years are far behind you. Ask any of us here who grew up in a home with a parent lying to "protect" us from the truth - many of us will all tell you the same thing. We knew, to some degree. When we found out the truth later (and it's often others who tell them, not the 'protector'), it is really insulting. My first thought was "uh yeah, I'm not an idiot but thanks for thinking of me as one".
*Edit, I see Melody Lane beat me to it.
Last edited by alis; 06/20/12 11:40 AM.
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In our family, we tell children the truth about Santa Claus, and treat him like any other fictional character: we enjoy the stories, but they are just stories.
I think I actually heard a radio broadcast where Dr. Harley said they did similarly with their children, but I might be confabulating it.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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ok well I'd like to change the subject.
today my WH told me that yesterday while I was at work her called to talk to his dad and his half sister he had to affair with answered the phone. He talked to her less than 2 minutes so he says. My daughters were there and they heard him talk and they said it wasn't long at all. He was speaking spanish and our kids are not fluent so they don't know exactly what they said. Anyway I am so pissed off right now at him. We had an understanding that he wouldn't call unless I was home. when I reminded him of it he said that I'm always at work when he can call which is BS! I was just on vacation for 10 days and he didn't call then. My first day back and he calls. Mind you he never really called his dad before. I.m livid. Can't trust him at all. I told him he will never change. He does what he wants when he wants and doesn't care. He is the one who said he wouldn't call unless I was home and he still did! So sick of this. I know I'm just putting things off and prolonging things but I know I have to move on no matter how much it hurts. I told him I was done and not to forget about court on Tuesday!!!!
Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June
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