I do know that Zhamila on the 101 forum, who is coaching with Steve, has been saying that he was on leave and out of touch for the past week. He is back this week but I am not sure what day.

I think I will send the BH of OW a certified letter as well to be sure he got it. I think this woman is addicted to my husband and hearing his voice on an educational group phone conference tipped her to text him. He has now paid the money to block her number. I check the phone bill every day an he knows it so he would not use that means to contact her. Her email is blocked on his work account. I helped him set that up. I am just disappointed that he didn't think it was a big deal and she was able to make contact. I am optimistic about his openness and honesty with me as he has always been a protector liar and telling me about her contact was a big step for him.

I just want her out of our lives. I know she is going to tell her mom and her BH that she did nothing wrong. Maybe she thinks what she did was harmless and fun, but what she did and how she interacted with my husband almost destroyed our marriage, so it was a big deal. I will never forget how I felt when I discovered their flirting and bantering back and forth. It hurt me worse than anything. I NEVER want to feel that pain again!

But I am tempted to address her "hurt" she felt from my husband's cut off of her via texting. He didn't even cut her out altogether, so I just don't get why she was so hurt. He had to finish out the mentoring program he paid for, so I agreed to that (stupidly).

Anyway, thanks for the support. I am needing it!

Send it to the BH. He is the one who has a right to know of his WW's activities.

If you choose to also send a message to OW, that is your choice. I never did and I am not sure she is worth the ink. My thoughts change on this often though.

Right TinT, I see this as a chink in your marriage armour. You and WH have to protect your marriage. But so far, you are relying on blocking OW from emailing his work on THAT ACCOUNT. Now, OW are manipulative schemers as you well know. What if she contacts from another email address? What if this makes a LB$ and contact restarts?

Affairs are an addiction. You need to ensure ALL contact is stopped. If your WH was an alcoholic, would you allow breweries to email him? I doubt it. Imagine if that email hits him at a weak moment, when he is craving a fix. Get his work email addy changed. It can happen. Think of all of the women who get married and change it. Ask him to do this as one of his EP's.

Has he changed his phone number? You need to ensure she can't contact him if you truly want her out of your lives...

Caracal,
You make valid points. If he changes his work email, she will get it right away. He owns a franchise and all the owners have a web page off the franchise's main page. It lists phone and email so changing it won't do a thing. Now I can get her blocked on his other email account. He says he'll change his cell number if I want him to. I can't decide. I've also thought about him selling out his business and restarting again, but that would put us back to him working 70-80 hours a week to build another business and broke We can't have that. His job is finally flexible after 13 years! Also we have a big surgery we are paying off now.

I do agree that affairs are an addiction and I don't want him to ever be vulnerable again. We have many EP's in place that we never considered before. He has said that after reading SAA he thinks he should stop texting any POS ever again. That it isn't worth the risk. I am thrilled to have come such a long way. My LB account has been going up and up, even with this contact. I just wish I could make her understand why her close friendship with him was so dangerous. I just want this chapter to end so we can begin the next one.

I'm glad the LB$ is going up. You need to protect this. He needs to keep making deposits.

Now, you can choose to sell the franchise, but you seem reluctant due to FINANCES. Admit this. Divorce is very expensive. Are you blocking holes in marital recovery? Are you affair-proofing your marriage? Because divorce could cost you more...

If you persevere with WH remaining at work (and I am by no means advocating this) Can you get copied in to ALL emails from the franchise page? I would ask him to change his mobile / cell number.

A friend in a similar sitch has arranged for ANY time WH leaves the office, she is copied in to the office email that he is now unavailable. And copied in to when he returns. She therefore knows to contact him on the mobile during those hours.

I'm not a vet. I am sure they will chime in with suggestions. Do NOT rugsweep this. It will not save your marriage. This is your best shot at having the romantic marriage you dreamed of.

And EP's are a huge way at ensuring you feel safe...

The bigger picture is still his weak boundaries around the opposite sex. That isn't being addressed, and it has to be a very STRONG EP for you. He has to eliminate all avenues that allow him to have these kinds of friends.

I am concerned if this EP isn't taken seriously, then this type of EA stuff will continue and you will slowly die by a thousand cuts.

Can you address this with his business as well ... can he come here to post?

Husband just asked me what my "handle" was on MB and I told him. He never asked until yesterday if I had a thread. I am trying to encourage him to post so he can get your help with establishing boundaries with POS. I am really hoping he'll post. I'll keep asking.

In the meantime I'm wondering if you could prepare me for what type of response I may expect from OW's BH?

Thanks,
TinT

Well in my stitch he was pretty shocked (we were all friends). He asked me to send him all my proof, which I did.

Then he asked me what to do and I sent him the link to MB.

Most BH are thinkers and need time to let it sink in. Be there for him when he tries to make contact.

Or better yet, keep trying to get a hold of him.

I also exposed on facebook which we had a ton of common friends because we were all friends. My WH and the BH were team mates.

I have printed out the letter that I sent him on facebook and I'm going to send it to their home, certified. I am not sure how I will get to the post office today, but will try. I am ready for closure.

Also do you think I should now have him hand write the no contact letter and I send it to her certified too?

Yes I would have him hand write it.

Send it certified to OW and put a copy to her BH along with your exposure.

We had a poster just recently expose to the BH because she was terrified of talking to him.

When he received the letter he contacted her, asking her for her evidence, and was very grateful for being told. The OW had lied ( like they always do) and told her WH that she had told her BH. According to the BH he had no idea.

Ok, great. I have emailed him the following no contact letter to hand write and then give to me:

OW,

I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk to you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that BW did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay BW for the pain I caused her, I will continue to do my best to be the husband she deserves. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make ANY contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.

Sincerely,
WH

That is a wise question TinT. I wish I had asked that myself.

It is possible that OW has already taken protective measures and painted you as an overly jealous and controlling wife. "Honey there is someone at work with this crazy wife who thinks I had an EA with her BH. Can you believe that? I hope she doesn't start to harass us.

The key is to destroy that image by remaining calm and cool. Offer to send him your proof.

Plant the seed in BH head and let him start to put it together. You are in a good place because your own WH is willing to admit to it.

That's exactly what I'm afraid of Pokerface.

I have told myself that obviously what I read sent me into a panic of fear that they were having a PA. My H never talked to people at work the way he talked with her. She was swearing in her texts, using slang, flirting heavily. Texting him when she knew he was at home. It was never sexual in nature, but it was a closeness that was way out of the range of normal for business. I never claimed her to be in a PA. Her text from yesterday (see above) made me think she thought he implied it was something sexual. It was never that. It was them meeting each other's needs for admiration and affection. The cussing, the slang, just not professional and crossed a line.

So whether or not her husband thinks that how they interacted with each was acceptable in their marriage is up to him. In MY marriage, that is unacceptable. So it is all on him. That's what I'm trying to tell myself.

What bothers me most is what her mother will say. Again, I will send the info and she can determine for herself if she would act that way with a married man. If her family finds this type of relationship okay, then hey, no problemo. I gave the info, asked her mom to help me keep that woman from interfering in my marraige, and that is that.

I have a call into my doctor for some meds. I am still having burning in my carotids...must be a form of a panic attack.

TinT.

Some people will choose the path of denial and that is not your problem.

All you want is NO CONTACT with your own WH.

Don't sweat this. Your WH sounds like he will back you up.

Deep breathes. And yes it makes you physically ill so the sooner you get it over the better.

I thought it was over. He sent her that other email Feb 21st. She never responded. I was relieved. When she left the mentoring program I thought that maybe he should now send the no contact letter, but thought, why bring it back up now? Now I wish I had been smarter. Just crazy she would text him 3 and a half months later. Makes me want to go punch her in the face. I never would, but I WANT to.

Now that you finally exposed to OW's BH he can watch her on his end.

Waywards are sneaky, especially OW. That's why all contact information needs to be changed.

I know that feeling! Believe me. Waywards are very sneaky and underhanded. Never underestimate the lengths that they will go. That was my own biggest mistake.

Exposure will put eyes on OW and that is like a punch in the face.

There is really nothing bad that can happen here except that they can call you crazy. Do you care if that will end contact? If OW BH does not believe you then his marriage will probably suffer another affair and this time it might be physical. Then BH will think back...and he will believe you.

Has your WH come clean at work about what was going on?

He is telling his 3 employees on Monday, he says.

One is out of town this week and he wants to tell them the same day. The one who is out of town may still be in contact with this OW as I believe she sold her some weight loss products. If she did and then told OW about us going through surgery with DD15, that also could have spurred the contact. But she definitely texted him right after he spoke on the call she was listening to from her city. As I said early on, when she was his mentor and they were on these educational conference calls, they would text and flirt and joke back and forth for an hour and a half during the calls instead of listening and him learning. Ticks me off. Hearing him on it probably made her miss the attention he gave her. Grrrrrr......

I want to send the following to the OW today. Please advise!


Dear OW,

Imagine your husband going to sleep New years eve and you follow him to bed 30 mins later after saying goodnight to your children. Now imagine coming into the bedroom and seeing his phone light up in the darkness and see that a text has come in from some woman he works with. Now imagine, out of curiosity, scrolling back and reading texts between your husband and this other woman that were flirtatious, with cussing, slang terms, and unprofessional, non work related discussions. Now imagine your entire world shattering when you discover what you think is most likely a physical affair between your beloved husband and this woman based on the way they speak to each other.

Imagine not knowing what to do because you are fully supported by your husband because he has asked you to leave your career to stay home and raise your small toddler. And the fear that you will lose it all and not only lose your true love, but also your home and children because you believe your husband is having an affair.�

Now that, OW, is what I will define as "hurtful". Not the letter that my husband agreed to send to end your emotional affair with him. You have NO IDEA the pain you caused my family with the carelessness of your texting. You DID cross a line, just as my husband said in his email. �I have read your texts with MY HUSBAND. You two crossed a line. We hold solid evidence of that in our hands.�

NOTHING in that email that my husband sent you you on Feb 21 was "offensive, unprofessional, and hurtful," unless you are wrapped up in the fog of an emotional affair with my husband. So maybe him cutting off your relationship with him did hurt you. You spent hours and hours texting him, so I am sure you missed him when he locked you out.�

My�husband requested that you contact him in an professional way via business email or phone. You broke that by sending yet another unprofessional text to him yesterday. Everything you said in your text backs up the fact that you were conducting an emotional affair with my husband. What kind of reply were you hoping to get? An apology and then a rekindling of your relationship? Shameful, OW, evil and shameful.

Do not interfere in our marriage ever again. If you do, �we will file a restraining order. You may want to read up on proper business etiquette or else you may be unemployable in the future when you repeat this offense again.�

All my best to you and BH,
BW


Your text to MY husband:
"Since I am not a corp employee anymore, I thought I would let you know that your email was offensive, unprofessional and hurtful. I have NEVER insinuate
d anything inappropriate to you, I have NEVER acted in an unprofessional way to you. The hurtful part is that, as a mom and wife, I always asked you abo
ut BW and your children and always wished the best for them, even wanted to try to help with info for school for your son. All my best to you and
your family going forward and hope you accomplish your professional goals as well. You won't hear from me again. OW"