Sorry I haven't posted back before now. DH and I got into a huge argument Sunday night. He left and I haven't seen or heard from him since.

I'm at a loss on what to do.

Let's get a plan.

What happened? What was the fight about?

You have no idea where he's at?

The fight was over another lie. I did everything I shouldn't have: angry outbursts. We had some alcohol. BIG mistake.

No, no idea where he is. I know he called his sister to go to her house, but she missed his call. She thinks he might be staying with someone from work. This is also not the first time this has happened.

Do you have a GPS on him?

What was the lie about?

Who is the person from work?

No GPS.

A video he looked at while I was sleeping.

I don't even know if he's staying with someone from work. His sister thinks that's what he might be doing.

Porn?

Can you call his work and ask for him?

I think you need to start prepare for Plan B.

With him gone you could change the locks and get into Plan B. He might be with another OW. This abandonment to you is straight up abuse.

You need to protect yousrslef. Can you get a locksmith there and prepare for Plan B?

Here.
How To Plan B properly
Plan B letter samples
IM Training School

It wasn't porn. It was girls in bikinis.

My Dad called his job yesterday. The boss said he'd have my DH call him back, he was busy at the moment. He didn't call back.

UGH .. Is plan B my only option? I don't believe he's with another ow. He did try to go to his sisters house. Also, everyone at his job is male except one female that's a lesbian.

I'll go read them now. Thanks.

Well you could call the coaching center and have them get him on board with MB and give him a plan.

He has lied and cheated multiple times on you with no consequences.

Another thing if you react to him with AO then stay out of trouble liars will keep lying.

What are you doing to stop your lovebusters? You must stop them? Do you have a problem with AOs?

He just came home. I'll post tomorrow.

Lovebusters and this helped me tremendously with my AO.

Anger Mgmt 101

Sorry I haven't been back before now. Busy getting kids ready for church camp,etc.

The night DH left and couldn't reach his sister, he went to his Mom's house. I honestly do not believe there has been an ow in our marriage. Just the physical cheating when we were teenagers, and engaged/pregnant.

I do believe porn is cheating, but what would the consequences look like for that?

Also the night he looked at the 'sexy bikini girls with guns' on youtube, he was actually looking at military guns, but that happened to come up, and of course he just had to click on it, (for the guns, dontcha know .. ugh). Besides this one, I haven't seen any of this kind of stuff on our computer since this all came out almost 5.5 years ago. I don't have a keylogger, but I do have a program that shows me all questionable sites. He was heavily/falling down drunk that night. I do believe DH is the kind of person who would get intoxicated and cheat. Or he just needs the opportunity.

2."The "avoid trouble" liar is used to getting their way. They usually have a long history of agreeing to anything and then doing what they please. When confronted with their lie, they promise they will never do it again, another lie, of course."

^^ This is our latest. Told me last week, AGAIN, that he wouldn't buy more alcohol, bought it AGAIN today, promised AGAIN today not to buy it anymore .. UGH. Of course I don't believe him.

He has agreed to start MB with me. He KNOWS this is the only way I'm staying married. This mess has gone on for way too long. He's not meeting my needs. I need O/H, or else I don't want conversation,affection or anything else from him. Of course his alcohol is also messing with my FS. He's making it very hard for me to want to meet his needs, (I still am, for now).

So where do we start? We own all the books and workbook. I'm at my end.

I'll answer all of your other posts tomorrow or Monday .. Kiddos are wanting to chat

I think the first step is to get help for his drinking.

Do you think he's an alcoholic?
From here Alcoholic Spouse #1

Hi there. I am just going to weigh in here. I also live with a liar. You sound like you are pretty clear on his behaviors. I thought I was too. What I have since realized (after pulling my head out of the sand) is that they hide much more than you know. That doesn't mean he has had an affair. I also have a problem with AO's (especially now.) After years of putting up with the lies, porn, cheating, gambling, emotional and verbal abuse, criticism, fogbabble and such, I just can't tolerate one more moment of cr%p!!!! That said, if you allow yourself to have AO's, they and the habit of doing so, usually take over!!! Not good. Especially if you respect yourself and believe in respecting others.

Stay strong, you are going to need that for yourself!!!! You are worth it!!

I forgot to add,when you are married to an addict, your life will be turned upside down. They do absolutely everything to keep you off balance so they can do what they want to do. The problem is that those things they do, wear you down, break you down, break your spirit. Stay strong!!

I'm back. My H is choosing alcohol over me. I've been so tired of it all, I told him tonight; me or alcohol. He told me he won't quit drinking, and then tried to turn it around on me, like I'm giving him up because of the choices I gave him.

Not long ago, he bought porn and went to a hotel because he was mad at me. Said he did it to "piss me off".

I don't know what to do. I have no job and never have. I love him, but I can't do this anymore. I'm afraid I'll stay for financial reasons, and be miserable the rest of my life, and I'm only 34.

Please help.

I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Do you have some place to go? Family?

[/quote]
I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Do you have some place to go? Family?[/quote]


Sadly, no.