I'm sure if I asked he would do that. I thought about that same thing and will discuss it with H tonight.

so, really, who's doing the harrassing?

Exactly. That's why the best person to be informed is the OW's BH.

He needs to be told that SHE broke NC.

yep. ita.

make sure you keep that contact,TNT, jic. i'm a big believer in CYA in paperwork!

I think she thinks we are going to sue her for sexual harrassment since she was his mentor and she instigated 75% of every text series that went on. He instigated some of it, but she did all the ones on evenings and weekends and holidays. In my opinion, no business should be conducted by my husband when he is home with me unless we POJA and we agree that he can check his work email. Regardless, we don't have anything on her that would be considered sexual harrassment, I don't think. And I never said it was sexual. She was hitting his affection and admiration needs, not SF.

He is telling all three of his employees that he is cutting out texting with anyone but family. He told his first employee that yesterday. He said, "if you text me to say you are late or ask me a work related question, know that I'll be calling. I have historically not been a big texter and really feel that people, me included, say things on text that would never be said in a phone conversation or in person. For that reason I am moving away from texting."

But I have everything documented in email and printed a lot of stuff out as well. He is working on his no contact letter today for me to approve. If I don't approve it, we are either going to POJA it, or he is going to take it to Steve on Monday at our appointment and have him help with the content. I want to do it ASAP. Also am going to send my letter to the BH signature guaranteed so he has to sign for it the same day. I agree that H should know that she broke no contact by text. But I always thought that his "no contact" was too weak. At the time, she was still his mentor and he was just telling her he was changing their relationship to business from friendship and to contact him by business phone or email only. She did break that. The main reason I am making him mail a real no contact letter is so that it is clear we want no more contact, ever.

Update:

1. H has exposed affair to his male employee.
2. He will expose affair to last employee when she gets back into town Monday. This last employee may possibly still be in contact with OW.
3. H has drafted a no contact letter to OW for me to look at later today.

4. I have an appointment today with my doc to get on AD/AA meds.
5. I have printed out and addressed exposure letter to OW BH. I included a copy of my husband's email changing their relationship to professional as well as her text to him from Tuesday, violating his request to stop texting him.

H sent me the below first draft of no contact letter. He plans to email it return receipt so he has evidence that he sent it and she received it. Feedback appreciated.

OW,
I got your text and wanted to make it very clear that I do not want ANY contact with you going forward. This means in person, text, email or phone calls. �Not to my cell phone, to my office or to my home. �In return you can expect that I will not make any contact with you. I care a great deal for my family and I will not do anything going forward that could be interpreted as detrimental to their happiness. Please respect this wish.
H

TnT,

I'm so happy things are in progress. The NC from your WH looks good and I'm so glad you're informing BH of OW.

I hope she does think you can sue her for sexual harassment. Maybe you should? Look at the damage she has done.

I'm glad you're getting into your doctor. You can tell you are so much stronger. Good job, my friend and stay with it.

Here's the final draft that we agreed upon and he sent it return receipt to both her email accounts, both of which he has blocked from return emails.

"I got your text and wanted to make it very clear that I do not want ANY contact with you going forward. This means in person and by text, email or phone calls. �Not to my cell phone, to my office or to my home. �In return you can expect that I will not make any contact with you. �Respect my desire to permanently end this relationship. "

Hoping for relief soon. Waiting to see my doc for some additional relief.

Thanks everyone for your extreme patience with me and your support.

Just a quick update:

I took some good meds and was finally able to sleep through the night for the first time since New Year's Eve. Also, I had a bit of a melt down regarding my daughter and the situation and H stuck with me through it all. Even after I said something very hurtful. I have apologized and am ready for some kind of normalcy around here. We can't have UA becaue of her delicate condition and DS3, but we are trying. It will be better soon.

Also got a confirmation email that OW read his no contact letter.

Thanks!

Good. Do you know if BH received his exposure letter yet or not?

Did you get confirmation from the certified letter?

I know with your DD15's surgery time is limited, but you need that UA time more than ever with all that's happened.

Can grandma come over and babysit for a bit? Glad you're finally sleeping. Self care, sleep, diet and exercise are essential.

One grandma has DS13, the other has already had DS3 3 days this week. She's already caring for my dad who has cancer and wears her thin.

I haven't been able to leave the house except for my dr appt yesterday since I can't leave DD15. She was bleeding heavily again yesterday and in a lot of pain. It has been rough. So I haven't sent the letter to her BH. I almost feel like at this point it is vengeful and I am not that kind of person. I just want to move on. I sent the Facebook email and hope it is enough as I can't take much more of my energy thinking about her. If she calls his office, or texts or calls from an unblocked phone we are going nuclear, exposing to the entire company and I'll do all his FB contacts and her mom's too if I have to. But for now I have the letter there along with his email and a copy of her text from Tuesday.

Do I really have to take it to that step?

I know you want to move on, I really do.

Dr. Harley says the first priority of exposure is the BS of the OP. He needs to know. I'm sure she intercepted that facebook message. It is not vengeful at all. What if the tables were turned and you were in the OW's BH's shoes? Wouldn't you want to know?

We've had posters tell the BS's of OP up to 17 years after the affair.

Her BH needs to be told so he isn't in the dark. If he truly received your facebook message he would've asked questions, most likely.

Yes. Do not skip the most critical step.

Won't it just open up another can of worms? I am not sure how many more worms I can handle after 6 1/2 months.

So the other victim in this whole situation, that YOUR WH and OW put everyone in, doesn't have the right to know?

So OW gets to continue to abuse her BH and you're ok with that?

You need to make 100% sure that her BH knows.

I drove over to BH's house when he wasn't responding to my emails and texts. Guess what? His WW was deleting everything and so he would never have known if I hadn't drove over there.

I really don't care a bit about either of them. Seems backward for me to mail this letter after he sent her a real no contact letter.

I appreciate your feedback. I think I'm hesitant also because my H says he doesn't want it sent because he doesn't want to see me suffer anymore. Now that he sent the real no contact letter I feel relieved. After I send that exposure letter I'll get anxiety again. I'm a mess. I know. I think I will ask Steve on Monday. He wasn't even going to have H send the no contact letter, if you can believe that. He only asked him to send it since I told him it would help me move forward

Wow that poor unknowing BH.

I wonder why your WH wouldn't want that BH to know? Maybe there's more to know?

Have you heard the clip on what Dr. Harley says a WH must do to earn his BW back? Dr. H says the WH should go to everyone and tell them everything.

Here.
Ecellent radio clip where Dr. H talks about what a WH should do for his wife to give him another try after his affairs. He explains it like an addict.

Radio Clip on a WH on what to do to get back with his wife 3:50 mark

I'm sorry if I've confused you by posting advice that is contradictory of Steve's. I'll bow out on your thread and leave you to his direction. He's the one you need to be listening to.