Good you're on the right plan.

So what are your WH's top EN? How can you meet them?

What do you mean you haven't been talking much lately? Fighting? He is at home with you?

Continue to read Dr. Harley's material and it will make more sense.
You understand his lovebank concept? You will learn to have a very romantic marriage if you follow MB plans.

Have you seen this? A Summary of Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts

can u teach me or give me the link on how to identify EN?

I understand what is a love bank but i don't know to go adding love into it...

Not much communication lately coz by the time he comes home from work (he have to go all outlets at shopping malls for the daily closing)it's already late like 11pm+. But i still have to wait up for him coz he don't like to bring house keys with him and have to serve him dinner/supper when he get home... then i'll go to sleep as i need to wake early morning to send my son to school.

I'll read the basic concept link you gave

Oh ya, after the lie. I was scared to be alone. Even following my sons no matter which room in the house they are so that they can keep me company by being near them and no mood for anything.
But today i feel better, not that terrified by being alone even tho still abit..

Here you go The Most Important Emotional Needs

You make deposits into his lovebank by meeting his most important needs. Most men (but not all) top needs are SF, admiration, RC and PA.

The best way to figure it out if you don't know, is think back to when you were dating. What did he respond to from you?

i asked him before what can i do the help and make him happy and he said

1) stay at home and take good care of the kids so that he don't have to worry and concentrate at his work
2) don't give him emotional pressure as he have enough stress at work.
3) after a hard day work to go home to a warm, clean home with wife, kids and dinner (normally is supper) awaiting

is this considered as emotional needs?

Even tho i would prefer to go work but seeing how hard he is working i agreed and stay at home since we came back to hometown.
But since D-Day i feel as if i'm just a maid or the dog that is taking care of the house and family with no questions asked.
And with lack of time, attention and affection from H. I feel very lonely and alone.

Yes, for sure 1) and 3) are covered under an emotional need that Dr. Harley terms "domestic support".

But..., and this is a HUGE but, domestic support is not one of the intimate emotional needs and it is meeting the intimate emotional needs that puts the most love into the love bank.

The four intimate emotional needs are conversation, affection, recreation companionship, and sexual fulfillment.

The fact that your husband didn't mention anything along those lines speaks volumes.

At the very least, he needs to learn about MB principles and meeting emotional needs. He thinks these are his top needs, and I dare say he is assuming that financial support is your top need and is why he puts so much emphasis on his job. It is up to you to let him know that's not the case, and that you can live on less money if it frees him up to meet you most important needs.

More alarming is that he could be withdrawn and assumes that you cannot meet the intimate needs.

And, the worst case scenario is that he would rather have someone else meeting the intimate emotional needs which means he is ripe or in an affair.

I guarantee that the three things he gave you will make you no more than a free nanny, it certainly won't be sufficient to fill the love bank alone.

I have already told him i don't need to be rich, if both of us work. It's enought...

About sex, he said he's so tired and stress from work he don't have the time and energy for it. Since he started this work (2mths+) i was always the one to initiate it but he did not refuse when i initiate.

I am actually unsure whether is he having an affair or not... last night i saw him sms-ed some1 but when i checked his phone, all outbox and delivery notice already deleted... inbox only left normal useless smses

Well if he has nothing to hide why delete the messages?

You need to keep on your snooping. Install a keylogger and then you'll know exactly what he's typing. Can you do this?

Here you go.
Keylogger Programs

yes and will install keylogger... but is there any keylogger for mobile phone?

for recovering deleted text, beside needing the sim card reader, i still need the sim card recover software?

What kind of phone? Iphone or android?

Look at these.
Iphone help
Keylogger for android

nokia 2330 (non smart)

I think the Sim card reader is the way to go.
Tracking apps for non-smart phones

i'd managed to installed friend finder in my H's mobile. Last night he went karaoke with his colleagues, he already planned this with his colleagues for a week so i did not suspect him of anything.

he called me when he was at the place and said he's at mainland's karaoke but my friend finder found him on the island (we stay island)
2 hours later, my friend finder found him in a hotel and he's not picking up my call.
i called the hotel and confirmed he is a guest there. the hotel personnel refused to give me the room number but connected me to the room. i heard his voice and a woman's voice asking what's up. He didn't know its me.

I can't control myself. I rush there but was not given the room number so i can't do anything. I called and he didn't pick up. I smsed saying i'm going to leave with the kids. He didn't reply until 10mins later when i was on the way home.

He started being defensive and angry. saying im being disrespect to him and the woman. I told him to go hospital to check whether is there any sperm in the woman's vagina. I was so wrong to say this as they could have used condoms.
I was at loss when he accepted. he said if no evidence i want u to apologies to the woman. and u will never have the custody of the kids.
I panic and went straight home and took my children to my bro's ex wife house. I stayed the whole night there. he never say sorry. he sms-ed (i refuse to answer his calls) saying he will agree to divorce but he will get the kids.

The next day he asked me to go home to talk over this. He admitted he was wrong. I told him i want the full truth.

1)He said the woman is working at one of the outlet of the shopping complex which he have an outlet too.
2) He lied to me his first location as he already planned to ask the woman out for partying (drinking, ecstasy, etc.. he never touch those for years. He claimed to be very stressed) i was so hurt of this. I said why u need other woman to accompany u for these? i cant? (and it's not PA issue as the woman is short and fat while im tall even if abit over weight) he only can say sorry and he's wrong.
3) The woman suggested for them to go hotel to continue their "high" as his boss is with them at the karaoke and they cant let the drugs take over. (before i went back to confront him, he still [censored] me saying he was too high to go home and don't know he went to hotel)
4) He claimed there was no sexual activities involved...

Deep down in my heart i want to believe him and just erase this nightmare but my brain is not letting me do so. What should i do now?

Are you documenting all this?

I think you need to get into plan B. He's using drugs and verbally abusive. You can't keep your emotions under control because of his lying.

He will not get the kids id he's doing drugs.

Did you get his underwear to check for DNA?

I don't know the laws in Asia...can he get custody of the kids or are you likely to? I think he's trying to intimidate you into staying with him but doesn't want to make changes.

Now would be a very good time to make a list of your conditions that it would take for him to remain with you. And I would not have sex with him again w/o first getting a STD test, both him and you as I seriously doubt this was an isolated event.

It also might be good to see an attorney to find out your rights and how to best protect your custody rights, financial rights, etc.

i feel useless. i cant do anything. i cant make up my mind and steel my heart. i wanted to leave him, just end the whole thing when i discover the whole truth today but im indecisive. im reluctant to leave him.

Since i found out he spent the night with OW (17/6/12) i'm always suspicious, and track him.
On 21/6/12 we had another fight, he turn the table on me and saying i do not respect him for keep tracking him (my tracking will send empty sms to him) he was very cold towards me even tho i was crying my heart out. He blame it all on me.
The same night (middle of the night) OW sms-ed him saying "i cant sleep, what to do?" but he gave me lots of excuses.

On 22/6/12 he bring my personal phone everywhere he go - bathroom (and refuse to let me enter which he never do before) and sleep with it.

On 23/6/12 i checked his FB and found out all the while, all the lies the OW is his colleague. Not sure she is married or divorce but she have a daughter. On their messages, he told her he love her, miss her, want to marry her and saying bad thing about me like i want him for his family's money (which is [censored]). All this conversations was on 18/6/12, a day after i caught him overnight with OW means he never intend to break off.

I initially planned to leave today but ... im too weak... i lost the strenght that i had when i left him during the first time.
im even too ashamed to be updating this here.

We know your pain.

Why won't you expose this? You will get support. Copy her facebook friend's for exposure.

Please don't feel embarrassed to post here, we've all been through this stuff. Try not to cry in front of him, don't beg him, don't appear weak. Expose fully and stand your ground. Right now he's in a fog and when they're in their fog they behave without a conscience, but he can come out of it and the marriage can be restored. Exposure is #1 to do.

i actually plan to leave him before i expose as my revenge... should i leave then expose or stay and expose?
financial is a problem to us as he refused to let me work for several months and i don't have any savings. families n friends is no help either.

Expose and stay, unless your safety is a concern. Are you concerned for your safety?

Exposure isn't used as revenge. It is to help kill the affair and shine the light on the wrong.

Do you have a place to go? Do you want out of your marriage? Can you get into your doctor for some ADs?