Hello, I am new here. I wish I didn't have to be here but I have read a lot of the posts and just would like to share my story and get some advice.

At the end of April, my wife said she loves me but is no longer in love with me. I was totally shocked and devastated. She stayed with one of her friends for the weekend after that. A few days later she said she was looking at apartments and found a little one that was "like a crackhouse". I couldn't let her live in that so told her I would help her get a decent place if she absolutely had to move out. I paid off the balance of her car loan to free up some cash and the next thing I knew, she was looking at buying a house and put an offer on the first one in her price range.

She is supposed to close on this house next week. I signed a waiver for the deed and the loan is in her name only. She said she needed time and space (should have been a clue) but she doesn't know what she wants to do, as far as legal separation or divorce. From the middle of March to the middle of April, she stayed out all night for 4 weekends in a row (another clue). One of them was her birthday where the babysitter didn't work out so she went out while I stayed home with the kids. Another time she went to a coworkers birthday party and was making sure everybody got home safe. The final one before her decision was a bachelorette weekend with her friends where she was totally tuned out and I was so hurt I kept to myself and with my kids.

Recently, I found a letter in her work folder while I was snooping. It was from her and pretty gooey-gushy and it ended with "I love you". I'm really not sure if it was to me or not. Then, I found another note to her from some other guy, I think. I can't read the signature. I asked her if she has ever cheated on me (this was before I found the letters) and she said no. I have been nothing but loving and affectionate, not as much before she dropped this bomb on me, but since. I have never beat her, or cheated on her, or abused her in any way.

I have gone through every emotion possible and after sending her an email yesterday just telling her I missed her and would like to be with her, she sent a pretty ruthless response saying she was done and she loves me like a child or a brother. That email kind of gave me some closure and I feel made me lose my love for her. Before that I desparately wanted to work it out, but I'm not so sure any more.

Anyway, from what I have been reading in the posts, it looks like an affair to me. What do you think, am I correct with assuming an affair? I appreciate any comments and advice on what to do, where to go from here, and dealing with my emotions. We do have two girls, ages 2 and 5. We have been married for 7.5 years and we are both 31.

Sp4mk,

it looks like an affair to me. What do you think, am I correct with assuming an affair?

YES IT IS AN AFFAIR, get out of denial mode, do not fund her affair not one penny more. Everything coming out of your WWs mouth now is a lie and cannot be trusted.

Get on the ball and find out who the OM is NOW then expose him to the world.

You are not alone in not recognizing an affair.

God Bless
Gamma

Welcome to MB! .. SOrry you are here. HOWever .. this is the BEST place to be for such a scenerio. Firstly .. you need to do some SERIOUS snooping and you need to also get your wife back in the house if your going to work on your marriage. Its hard to work on things if your not together.

Get the book SURVIVING AN AFFAIR. Find out who this POSOM is ... hire a private detective if you must. You HAVE to find out .. then you will need to expose this POSOM far and wide to get your wife to clear her head of her wayward fog.

DUring your exposure you will have to begin a STELLAR plan A.

STOP funding her stuff ... you are ENABLING her affair ... you will be paying for her to bang some other dude in her new place if you continue this path. REad all you can here on affairs and get well aquainted with the concepts here.

MNG

Do not fund her house. Do not let her move out.

Her moving out to find herself is to go be with her OM or OMs.

Put a GPS and VAR on her car now.

Put a keylogger on her computer. Do you have spyware on her phone?

Check her phone records. You need to find out who OM is. You need to kill the affair. Exposure 101

Yes, she is having an affair.

Thanks for the replys everybody. I am not funding her house, she has a job and will do it herself. I have asked her to recosider buying the house to no avail, I can't chain her up in the basement and don't have any legal right not to let her buy her own house. She has her mind made up. I am no longer in denial mode about an affair, I truly believe she is having one.

I can't put any key stroke software on her computer...it is a company computer and so is her phone of which I don't have any records. I would really like to confront her on the letters I found but don't want to screw myself with child custody or splitting of assets if it comes to that. She told me she doesn't want anything from me but I don't believe her anymore. I have been talking to some mutual friends, a husband and wife. I have showed them all of the letters and emails and the wife is PISSED. Her and my wife were really close friends at one time. Now the friend feels used and lied to as well.

I'm just not sure where to go from here. I am done being used and ran over every time I talk to my wife but would love to keep my family together.

So can you figure out who the OM is?

You won't be letting her take the kids, correct?

SP, welcome to Marriage Builders.

Be clear: your WW is buying a house to set up shop with OM and begin her new, swinging 'single' lifestyle.

Why did you sign any document to allow her to buy a house?

Please don't tell us that you thought she would re-think her position if you signed off on the mortgage of her new, swingin' single home.

She won't. I see this all of the time in my job as a Title Agent. I had a BH in my office just last week, dutifully signing away his rights to his wayward wife's new property. My heart aches every time I see some poor husband come into my office to sign off his dower rights on a mortgage his WW has going.
I don't understand what you mean by signing a waiver on the deed. Can you tell us more about that? There shouldn't have been a deed for you to sign. Tell us what you signed.

Sp4mk,

Without getting specific, actual names etc, what information do you have on the OM? Was WW getting friendly with an ex husband or boyfriend reciently?

Your WW is not the W you married,she is addicted to OM, you have to cure this addiction by driving off OM. And since you are the only sane parent left who can save your family, the job falls on you.

God Bless
Gamma

You can stop the purchase of her house, DEAD. If you didn't sign away your dower rights on the mortgage.

If you refused to sign off on your dower rights, she can't buy the house.

Exactly what I was getting at. Thanks Bliss.

I can't tell who the OM is. There is a signature or initials at the end of the letter but I can't tell...it says something about not being able to do homework because he is thinking about her, so I think it may be an intern at work. I say that because over Memorial Day weekend I took the kids to visit my family (even invited my wife who declined to go) and she said she went to the bars with some interns to celebrate some gals 21st birthday, which is ridiculous since she's 31.

I would absolutely like full custody of our kids but she told me not to try anything funny and that we would have joint custody. I live in a no fault state so her non marital activities don't really matter, I think. The kids are at her family's place right now, which I am totally fine with because I don't want them in the middle of this mess and all the tension and I think her family thinks she is screwing up. I don't think they suspect an affair though.

I have totally been loving and affectionate to her the last few months. I think my new tactic is to totally ignore her unless it deals with the kids. Thoughts on that? My conscience is clear now that I know I didn't break up this family. I know I have some communication issues and I'm not the touchy, feely husband, but I also know I can work on that.

The document I signed was a Spousal Deed sale for $0. It relinquishes me of any and all community property interest for WW new house. I didn't have anything to do with the mortage WW got for this house. Did I do the right thing signing this? I think so. If this ship is sinking, I don't want another mortgage tied to my name.

SP, what document(s) did you sign regarding your WW's new house?

maritalbliss, the documents were a Spousal Deed sale/transfer. I was the grantor, WW was the grantee. The bank had to run WW against her new mortgage AND our existing one that we are both on.

Do you want to throw in the towel and not fight for your marriage?

Read this. What Are Plan A and Plan B

Dammit. Is there any way you can call the Notary Public who witnessed your signature and tell him/her that you felt coerced into signing that? I don't know if it will help, but it might.

I absolutely wanted to fight for my marriage until yesterday when I got an email from WW which was pretty cruel. I would imagine that the documents I signed are recorded already so I don't think calling the Notary Public would do any good. Why would I want to be on that mortgage/deed? It may keep my wife out of the house but may also sink my credit. I spoke with an attorney last week and he advised to sign the documents. I'm not trying to argue, and maybe I did screw up but I just don't know what to do right now.

I do have the letters WW wrote and received and am thinking of taking a phote of them and putting them on my Facebook site and sending them to WW contacts. A lot of WW Facebook friends are people we go to church with so that may have an impact, although WW hasn't gone to church the last few weeks.

Those attorneys!!! (Sorry, Mr. Wondering )

Okay, maybe I'm missing something. WHY did your attorney tell you to sign the documents?

Can you tell me what the documents were? What were the names on the documents that were notarized?

maritalbliss,
I think the attorney was looking out for me, not a marriage. He didn't want me to obtain any more debt, and I seemed to agree with him. The document has Grant, Bargain, Sale Deed on the top.