My first post on this board was dated 6/28/2001, and it brings back memories. I listed my kids ages as 5, 8, and almost 10. Lots of things happened since then, but the kids are all successful. We have a shared custody plan where I have 5/14 overnights.

Over this past week, the oldest, who is now almost 21, says he is "done" with his Mom and that this has been brewing since middle school. He is a full-time college student home for the summer, but now is moving out of his Mom's house. The other two are sad about his decision. I think he's making a mistake. Not necessarily about moving out and becoming more independent, but about throwing away the relationship with his Mom.

He says he thought that his Mom didn't really like him growing up. There may be some truth in this, but isn't that the case at times with everyone? I'm trying to reason with him, but so far, not getting anywhere.

tmmx, without knowing the history of your posts, it's hard to comment one way or another on your son's decision. At 21, he's certainly old enough to make his son's decisions.

Just to be clear: you are the boy's father? (You might be his mother and speaking of yourself in the third person; I can't tell.) And you are divorced? Did one of you have an affair?

Okay, digging through a few of your old posts, it seems to me that your wife had an affair, and that it eventually led to the end of your marriage.

That being the case, I wish your son had been living with you all this time, not his mother, but of course that may not have been possible. And it's very typical for those who have an affair to find that their children don't want to have anything to do with them when they grow up. I haven't seen my wayward mother in twenty years. It's safer for me that way!

If your wife had an affair, then your son's perspective is probably valid: waywards typically care only for themselves, even to the detriment of their children.

One sad but common thing when a wife has an affair is for the children to blame the father. So I would say your son has a good head on his shoulders if it's her he's moving out on, not you.

If you are divorced from her, I wouldn't waste any breath trying to redeem her in your son's eyes. That's her job to do, not yours.

tmmx, did your wife alienate your son with her affair? Why did your marriage end? If it was over an affair, their relationship may be ruined. If I were you, I would listen to the radio show from yesterday because this issue is addressed. Affairs often destroy relationships with children.

I think what you have described happens many times in divorce situations. I know my four kids love their father....but not the same way they love me. And they choose to live with me, spend holidays here and phone constantly. They phone my ex only when they need something. Kind of sad.

At 21, he is old enough to make his own decisions. He may change his mind later, but for now he may need a break. In any case, it is her problem. You just need to be there for you kids.