OK @BH, the drop-offs will have to be at home, then: both sets of grandparents live abroad.

I did read the IM training link. It's good and useful, but I still need guidance on this particularly knotty aspect: Back to my practicality questions: how can Plan B work while DSS12 has a key to the house - a key that WW can presumably demand and copy?

Thanks & regards,
igiiroko

Any ideas how I can enforce Plan B, when WW can get or copy key from DSS12?

Alternative is I withdraw key from DSS12, and have him go someplace else for the three hours between his arrival from school and my arrival from work...

Does it not occur to you, my friend, that the reason no one has an answer to your question is that the only answer (the one from me about DSS12) is the ONLY ANSWER?

Your attachment to DSS12 is an open sore on your marital history to WW, and you decline to excise it. Okay, then accept the issues and problems that come with your decision. There is only one "someone" that can solve your problem, and he won't listen to the solution.

Hmm...

I would change the locks anyway. If she makes a copy of DSS12 then DSS12 will have to have other arrangements, which is what NG has been trying to tell you. Then you can put a deadbolt on that only you have the key for.

When are you entering Plan B?

...and more to the point, dude, you have ZERO authority to "make other arrangements" for DSS12's care. Do you not listen? WHEN (not "if") skank-WW decides anything you have done has "harmed" DSS12, you'll be spending a whole lot of effort and resource getting your tailfeathers out of the sausage-grinder.

But, you know best......

Gone 2am Sat here in UK. Working with remote UK and New Zealand colleagues fixing Australian infrastructure. In parallel, mind is abuzz with thoughts of an immediate/shock Plan B. Thoughts so far:
- it's gone 2.30am UK time now -- still working, till maybe 3am;
- 3-3.30am: pack most/last of WW's clothes & shoes etc into bags, to be left outside on driveway in front of house;
- 3.30-4am: pack DSS12's clothes, shoes and immediate personal effects into bags, to be left outside on driveway in front of house;
- 4-4.30am: complete draft of Plan B Letter (I've made a start: the text is below...)
- 4.30-8.30am: catch some Zs...
- 9am: request that neighbour act as temporary IM and take DSS12 into temporary custody pending WW's arrival;
- 9.15am: ask DSS12 for house-key;
- 9.30am: call WW, and advise her that bags are out front, DSS12 is at (location - e.g. next-door neighbour's), and DD7 and I are at relatives until Sun;
- 10am: Leave DSS12 at neighbour's and depart with DD7 for [TBC]

-------
Dear WW,
I have had many sleepless nights thinking long & hard about this distressing situation, and have decided that since you want to remove DSS12 from my care, you had best do so without delay - so as not to prolong his distress, my pain, and the general uncertainty. You will know that I would have come to this conclusion only after profound soul-searching. This is a very far cry from how you and I started, with me being head-over-heels about you. It is a far cry from [DSS12's nickname] and I dancing in the cinema aisles in Sydney, and from my snatching him up just inches from the road as he ran out from a Camden market. It is a far cry from my sharing your pain and anguish at DD7's delivery, and our marvelling as she bloomed from pink to blue to brown to the facsimile of us that she is. We go to NYC for St. Valentine's and [DSS12], danger-magnet that he is, almost gets crushed by a massive stalactite! Not to be outdone, DD7 leaps into the deep end of the swimming pool at [holiday place], and has to be fished out, crying, sputtering, and laughing all at once. In between we take in Croatia, Spain, Bosnia, Venice... and Wales. And through it all, [DSS12] gets more into his soccer, and [DD7] into her performing-arts. DD7 excels at school, and DSS12 reveals himself a sensitive & perceptive thinker.

Parenting is painful joy. I love nothing more than being a family. Nothing.

But we cannot be a family like this.

I am unspeakably hurt by your adulterous affair, but all you seem to have seen is my suppressed anger. I am still willing to try to recover our relationship and family because of the love we have shared in the past. However, I am not willing to do try recovery until your adulterous affair and adulterous ways are over for good. When you arrive at that stage, please let [yet-to-be-identified IM] know, and s/he will pass the news on to me.

The pain is too great to be in contact with you while your adulterous affair is continuing and because of that, I need to protect myself.

I love you. We chose each other. And vowed to love, support and nurture one another. Till death do us part. And neither of us is dead.
-------

Gone 3am now. Struggling to separate first paragraph above into Addendum. Addendum should say DSS12 leaves with WW now, and WW can drop off and pick up DD7 at such place and such times. My fear has not gone away that WW could abscond, however briefly: I do not want DD7 spending one single night at POSOM's.

Now thinking I can swing Plan B into action any day - today, next Sat, or even mid-week. This Sat would be a good shock etc, but I don't have an IM, and I've just remembered MIL is meant to be calling DSS12 from Australia, and talk to him for first time about the sitch.

Reactions? Thanks.

MIL is applying pressure for biodad to take DSS12. Agrees 100% her daughter is not fit mother.

I'd urgently like to get a MarriageBuilders IM for my Plan B. How do I go about that (especially since Private Messages are disabled)?

Does any regular poster here know that an IM at a six-hour time difference has ever worked? If so, I'll step forward.

Massive blow-up, full of what I guess you'd call LBs. WW came to get more stuff (cue argument and me threatening OM if he touched my daughter) and take kids to the shops. After they left, I left for town. They arrived back before me, and WW got on my case for "not communicating" that I was going to be away. I was only 7mins drive away, and arrived to see WW attempting to clamber thru a first-floor window, reached by climbing up a wheelie-bin (tall trash-can) at the front of the house, in full view of the main road etc. I brought out my phone and took a couple of snapshots -- and all hell broke loose -- from WW's mouth.

I recorded some of the audio -- which included her accusing me of scheming (huh?) and being "sly" (I set up that whole scenario!). She also deployed the H-bomb -- "I HATE YOU!" -- interspersed with her usual choice Anglo-Saxon and vows to take me to the cleaners via the courts. Me, I must have a screw loose or a chip missing, because I remained calm and found her tirade almost faintly amusing.

Do you need an IM for Plan D?

Did you see NG's post?

I know we've had IM's from different parts and since it's all by email I think you can make it work.

IG let the MODS know they can give NG your email and NG will do the same.

IG I think NG will be a perfect IM he's no nonsense.

Oh, man, that probably made her even crazier! Waywards HATE it when the object of their tirade refuses to rise to their tantrum!

Well done.

@BH: Yes, I did see @NG's post (thanks) earlier -- but felt it was not my place to answer. I do hope we have an affirmative, though...

Stoopid question: how do I reach the Moderators? Thanx..

@mb: Yes, it made her crazier, so she ended up lashing out quite wildly, saying lots of inappropriate things in front of the juvenile audience. Close to the end i.e. her departure, she did calm somewhat -- but something else must've riled her, because she left on a rant, the house shaking to its foundations at the force of her slammed door.

In all seriousness though, I have felt quite upset at this bout of projectile vomiting (that's what I call WW's rants: vomit), and I'm not sure why. WW is pressing DSS12 hard to move with her, though, while MIL (i.e. his grandma) is pressing for his return to Australia where she/MIL and biodad both are. DSS12 feels rather pressured and torn: part of him would like to be with his mum; part of him would like to see what it's like with biodad for a change; and part of him doesn't want to move schools (he's just broken into the drama and athletics arenas) or be separated from his sister (although WW's response to that amazed even me: "well, you don't really like your sister, anyway"!).

DD7 was tearful today; and enthusiastic at going out specially with WW; then hugging me spontaneously and hugely later in the evening.

Hit notify that's at the bottom right corner of every post.

Ta. Done..

Good. Now NG just needs to do the same.

I know it hurts both you and DSS12 of the possibility of separation. Make ALL your time with him count, big time.

Would MIL allow contact with you? Can you trust her on that front?

Done. Let the games begin!

@KR: Yes, absolutely I trust MIL, and yes she will allow contact. I have always had what seems a good relationship with MIL. IF -- and it's a BIG IF -- WW allows DSS12 to go to biodad (and MIL)in Australia, BD and I have agreed on a protocol of visits so that kids see each other in school holidays...

BD 'phoned this morning UK time, and decided after our chat that he definitely wants DSS12 to join him now in Australia. His challenge is getting WW to agree: given that he signed a letter consenting to WW leaving Australia with DSS5 (at the time), BD asserts now that he signed the agreement on the understanding that WW was bringing DSS5 into a stable family environment -- and that the breakdown of that environment gives him grounds for rescinding his consent. That's if it goes legal. He'll also try to get WW to see sense: "it's my time, my turn to look after [DSS12]..."

WW meanwhile is preparing DSS12 for life with her in London: buying furniture, promising him the pet snake he's coveted in the past few weeks -- and assuring him that POSOM's apartment is small, cluttered but safe, as it's "on the top floor of an apartment block, and there are two levels of security to navigate [i.e. main front door, and apartment door]." He could be spending a fair amount of time by himself...