Just heard a fantastic radio clip about "keep talking about the affair".

His affair was 6 years ago but she just found out a month and a half ago.

Please tell me what you think. This is just one segment of their four segment call if you would like me to post the others.
Radio clip about " to keep bringing the affair up"

I agree 98% with ML on this, and yes, it's a great book. ML lost 2% for her spelling error. (English Majors?)

Chickadee, I hope you don't get me wrong in my posts. I'm in favor of knocking off the rehashing "Affair Talk" in a marriage. It's not wise nor is it productive to building your LoveBanks....

What I'm NOT in favor of, is when your H left out a large piece of your puzzle, and you just ignore it. It will do damage to you. It's not wise to ignore new information that was intentionally left out of by your H, anymore than it is wise to stop verifying your H's actions and whereabouts.

Dr. Jennifer Harley Chalmers told me that at any time something about my affair comes to mind and I have a thought that I shouldn't tell SMB, that should be a red flag to me and I should immediately find a way to bring it up with her and then move together through the discomfort it may cause each of us. It's called restoring loyalty and trust!

shaddup, tst!

thank you ML- I will look into that book. i will also look at marriedforever.

NW- i will rephrase- cant you boys learn how to communicate better?

BH- i will listen when i get home, and i will listen to the others.

tst- i am sure you are having a field day with my typing and english.

I agree i dont want to talk about this anymore its old. but when chunks are left out and they come to the surface and then he is not clear about it, i have a problem with that. H is creating his own problem, when asked about the details he should have said everything--- then we would be done with this.

all in all we had a good weekend and will finish out dishonesty lesson, very timely...

keep the thoughts coming!!

Meh.

Why change when you can get others to change instead?

Wow NW what's your magic?

I've been telling everyone they need to change not me.

They aren't listening! Hmm

Sorry, you're a female and, therefore, are not genetically qualified to learn our trade secrets.

As a random thought, I'll post this...always makes me laugh now that I have kids of my own:

bh maybe NW can help you rephrase that question. since he knows the secret.

nw thats dangerous territory you are treading in. you dont want to get the ladies started here. bc we are always right.

love the cartoon.

Haha NW that's what I keep trying yo use. I know I'm right so why don't you change. Jk

Sorry chickadee for the T/J

Woops! Looks like you had a typo in your post.

Here, I'll fix it for you...


Much better! You might want to go back and edit your post so that there's...well, you know...no confusion in the matter.

Have a good week.

just an update, things are going well, still ups and downs, spending alot of time together.

got a nice text, -that said i love you very much and thank you for giving me my life back. that was a big step for him! we were speaking to a family member who's marriage is rocky now and i think he is proud of all of the work we have been doing and happy he's not in that place anymore.

baby steps are good.

enjoy the good baby steps chicka! I'm so glad you're getting there.

question/suggestions

anniversary is in the next few days and i am at a loss of what to get/do. i just dont know what to make of the day anymore. really at a loss on how to react to it.

i dont want to ignore the day, but i dont want to celebrate it.

last year i was too crazy to comprehend it.

as some others recently mentioned card buying is a downer.

how about make your own card? with a recent picture of the two of you/your family? that way, you can express YOUR true feelings. i'm not too great at homemade things myself, but have done this before, to the best of my kindergarten-like ability, with positive results. you can get heaps of cheap thingies to put on it (stamps, or sticky-on thingies - i'm not crafty, so i don't know what they're called, but you know, in the craft section :O)

or, conversely, and more to my ability, a computer generated one that you can paste your image into, then add text and other effects. there's lots of free websites where you can do this, then print picture-quality. i've done this with invitations, and they looked really good.

Hey chickadee, today is our anniversary. I decided to skip the card and gift. We will be going out to dinner and to a show tonight, however. Like you, I don't know what to make of the day. I wish I could erase the past year! But I do feel like we should celebrate the fact that we are still together.

~RQ

The first anniversary of our wedding was just three months following D-Day. I didn't feel like a celebration or even really talking about the day at all. But FWH wanted to so something, so we went out to eat at a favorite restaurant. It was just us, because we had transferred just before the D-Day. The dinner was subdued but pleasant enough. We talked about things a little but mostly just ate quietly, looked out the window at the beautiful view, admiring it, and then went for a little walk. It was better than doing nothing at all.

This past anniversary, then a little over a year following D-Day, was a little easier and the day was not quite so subdued. I still don't really "celebrate" it though. Maybe someday. Mostly it was just about how far we had come in the recovery process.

You could still do something to give deference to the very special anniversary of your wedding vows (yes, I know...) but try not to have high expectations of how you are going to feel about the day. Perhaps do something quite different from what you did to celebrate in the past.

thank you!!! still dont know how to feel about it. H wants to know what to do, i told him how i felt. he said he will come up with something, unfortunately, i dont know how i will feel so....

i think its more of a happy thing for H ( that i am still here) but for me it just brings up that our M was a farse for so many of them. (i know that wasnt nice).

just a thought i know there is alot going on next door- and this just dawned on me. after dday#1, i planned A like a rockstar, so much so that H was so happy, and thought if he told me the whole truth that would end. so i guess plan A can also have the "I have it so good, why would i ruin it with the real truth"- effect. H told me this when i asked why he trickle truthed me.

It's good that he does know how you feel. I ddn't tell my WH. I didn't want to ruin the day

I also believe there is more to my WH's A than he is telling me. I *know* that it started sooner than he has admitted to. But I don't know if that is relevant or not. Meaning, I don't know if it matters in the long run. But I can see him thinking the same as in "why ruin a good thing with the whole truth". I just have to keep pushing on...

When is your anniversary?