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Thanks again for all your posts, everybody.
I think I found the polygraph service I want to use. I think I have a good grasp on the way it works and how to phrase my questions.
I haven't booked because we have NO MONEY. Checks coming through this week, and enough to pay the bills and feed the kids. I asked him to call today to see if he can get a credit card to pay for it (I'm a stay at home mom and have no income). Otherwise, we will have to sell some stuff. Test will be booked ASAP.
He has been writing, with a few interruptions, since about 8 am.
His secret second life is about to explode.
And he finally seems to be getting that.
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I haven't booked because we have NO MONEY. Sell something(s) of WH's on Craigslist. (fast) Expensive sporting equipment? Sell it. Some sort of collection of something. Sell it. You need not sacrifice for this poly. WH can sell his stuff to pay for it. Extra car sitting around? Sell it.
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I do not believe your WH will come clean until the POLY is booked and maybe even up until day of.
He knows that you don't have the $$ for it and this is why he has continued to play trickle truth games with you for the past month and tried distracting you with AM courses and reading about ENs.
The guy I called was willing to work with me regarding the $$. I believe they would take 50% down and 50% the day of.
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I haven't booked because we have NO MONEY. Sell something(s) of WH's on Craigslist. (fast) Expensive sporting equipment? Sell it. Some sort of collection of something. Sell it. You need not sacrifice for this poly. WH can sell his stuff to pay for it. Extra car sitting around? Sell it. On it.
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I do not believe your WH will come clean until the POLY is booked and maybe even up until day of.
He knows that you don't have the $$ for it and this is why he has continued to play trickle truth games with you for the past month and tried distracting you with AM courses and reading about ENs.
The guy I called was willing to work with me regarding the $$. I believe they would take 50% down and 50% the day of. Thanks Susie. Don't worry. I'm done with his games. Gonna get this done as fast as possible.
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He has been writing, with a few interruptions, since about 8 am. What is he writing, and where?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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WH needs to put down the notebook IMO. There are a few things on the EP list that he can do TODAY and there is action behind them. He can: 1 - Go to the DMV and put the car in your name 2 - He/Both of you can go to the bank and open an account for you. While at the bank, apply for a credit card for the poly. 3 - Start looking into the post nup Right now a whole lot of nothing is going on. Don't make this easy for him, Al. You don't need to hold his hand to do these things. Require action or it will be another month of cheap talk and him doodling about all the things he is gonna do. 
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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He has been writing, with a few interruptions, since about 8 am. What is he writing, and where? The full details of his infidelities. In a notebook.
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WH needs to put down the notebook IMO. There are a few things on the EP list that he can do TODAY and there is action behind them. He can: 1 - Go to the DMV and put the car in your name 2 - He/Both of you can go to the bank and open an account for you. While at the bank, apply for a credit card for the poly. 3 - Start looking into the post nup Right now a whole lot of nothing is going on. Don't make this easy for him, Al. You don't need to hold his hand to do these things. Require action or it will be another month of cheap talk and him doodling about all the things he is gonna do. Bank account done. Post-nup, not important to me until he passes the poly. Because if he doesn't, we won't be staying married anyway. Car and credit card are things we might be able to knock out today.
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Hang in there Al.
What sort of self-pampering are you doing?
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Al
My WH did the notebook thing for 2 years. It got us Nowhere, first he made notes from coaching there then the EPs then he broke them anyway then he wrote ideas on how to meet my ENs and these ideas never materialised.
The notebook is just a distraction, it got me nowhere and it's just a painful reminder of all the things he could/ should have been doing instead of just writing them down and not doing them.
I wrote on your WH thread but I guess he does not like what I have to say to him and prefers to communicate with the "softer" people on MB. Well in my experience the people that annoy you the most are the people you should make an effort to face but I guess he is more than aware im not easy to get round because my WH was just like him but at least he never debated the EPs with me because he knew that what he did was devastating no matter how fogged up he was.
Nevermind, I'm still glad you are sticking to your guns and that you are setting the bar high this time so he will not be able to gaslight you or get round you anymore.
BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months
Divorced
Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.
If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.
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Hi AI,
I am having my WH do a poly on Wednesday. In my case he took $50 down and the rest is due the day of.
Also, he (poly guy) warned me against telling my WH that if he failed the poly it was over, or giving an ultimatum. He said if I instead say that my main concern is he come clean about everything, often the WS comes clean right before the poly and then passes the poly, and then the BS has the information to work with to decide what they want to do going forward, even if that is divorce. Whereas if you give an ultimatum they might try and wing it and try to pass even if they are lying (stupid but I have seen it happen on here in the last couple of months), and then all you ever know is you have a failed poly with no information to work with.
Just a thought.
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Al, maybe I missed it but have the As been exposed to your families?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Hang in there Al.
What sort of self-pampering are you doing? None. Trying to take care of my three kids. Having a very hard time today.
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Hard time, but not wavering.
Poly just booked for Thursday.
It is so damn surreal that this is my life. I feel like throwing up.
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The notebook is not plans or intentions. It's confession. He just booked the poly so he's coming clean (hopefully). Al
My WH did the notebook thing for 2 years. It got us Nowhere, first he made notes from coaching there then the EPs then he broke them anyway then he wrote ideas on how to meet my ENs and these ideas never materialised.
The notebook is just a distraction, it got me nowhere and it's just a painful reminder of all the things he could/ should have been doing instead of just writing them down and not doing them.
I wrote on your WH thread but I guess he does not like what I have to say to him and prefers to communicate with the "softer" people on MB. Well in my experience the people that annoy you the most are the people you should make an effort to face but I guess he is more than aware im not easy to get round because my WH was just like him but at least he never debated the EPs with me because he knew that what he did was devastating no matter how fogged up he was.
Nevermind, I'm still glad you are sticking to your guns and that you are setting the bar high this time so he will not be able to gaslight you or get round you anymore.
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Hang in there, AI.  Once he has finished with his notebook, request it and keep it in your hands. This way you can check whether his given events/details hold the water or change over time. That way he has no possibility to learn his story by heart.
Me, FWW: 43
Mr_Recon6mo, FWH: 44
DD20 and DS23
3 cats
Married 23 years, together 24
Divorcing
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i wish you the very best of luck w/the poly ai, and the start of a change in your life, whatever it may be.
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Hang in there Al.
What sort of self-pampering are you doing? None. Trying to take care of my three kids. Having a very hard time today. Do you have friends or family that can help you with the children? Or that can be there for support? That is important, Al.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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