So today I went to the court and talked to a family law facilitator. Asked what I should do right now. She told me I have to fill out the paperwork, then take them back there for them to review them to make sure they are done correctly, then I file the papers. But it takes 30-45 days to be filed. She told me I could file emergency cash aid assistance if he cuts me off. So I don't know what to do. She said a lawyer really wouldn't be necessary unless we have a lot of assets do divide up. But we really don't have anything but furniture which I don't want except the dinner table that my mom bought me. I would like the washer and dryer but I can live without it. I don't want to pay somebody big money for that. The only thing I worry about is my truck but it's in his name. So I don't know. I don't know if I should move now. Or just file and stick it out a little while longer. I just can't stand being here. I'm so uncomfortable and on edge all the time.

And since I'm going to fill the paperwork out myself (it's like 200-300) to get them typed out. Will they dismiss if my handwriting is bad. They came with 2 copies thank goodness cuz I started and my writing was horrible. So I'm gonna practice writing before I do it again.

Good job for taking the next step.

Have you looked in your area for someone who will fill the forms out for a small fee? I had someone do my paperwork for $50.

You can always file and see.

I'm going to go ahead and fill them out myself to try and keep whatever money I have. They gave me sample sheets to go off of so it's pretty much a no brainer. I'm so scared and relieved at the same time. I'm going to file the fee waiver not sure if I can get it though. I don't have an income to myself I just go off what my husband gives me. If I don't qualify though it's $395 to file and a separate $65 to file for custody. I don't think he can take the children because of his job but that also scares me. I hate to think of how they'll be treated without me being there to stick up for them. I see how he treats his other son when he's here. Bossing him around or sending him off somewhere else so he won't be bothered. Anywho, at least I got that part out of the way. I just need to print a new set of sheets cuz I messed up a little and my writing wasn't so great.

Ok, so I'm terrified. Not that I'll be harmed, just about the whole process. My money is depleting because of things that have to be paid. So what I thought I had I can move out with is getting less. He comes home tomorrow from work not sure if he's going to be home one or two weeks since we are not talking to eachother. I'm scared to file the paperwork because I'm afraid he'll hire some big shot lawyer and I don't have the money to get one. I'm scared I'll be flat on my behind with nothing and I fear he'll try to take the kids, which I kinda doubt but fear he'll do it in spite of me. My nerves are just on constant edge. I feel sick thinking about it all.

Do this.
Also can you get into your doctor and get some anti-anxiety meds?

Are you divorced?
Are you suppose to go through this much anxiety?
I'm really at a loss, I want to leave and go through with this but I'm just so scared.

Yes I've been divorced and now remarried.

Yes you will go through this much anxiety. That's why I suggest you get into your doctor. This much stress can cause some people to suffer from PTSD.

Wow... I thought I'd get it in my head take the steps and I'd be fine, because I knew what my goal was. I wasn't expecting to feel this way. But I look at all the paperwork and steps you have to go through and the time you have to wait for each step and it's all overwhelming.

Thanks for the replies. It's nice to have some input.

Maybe you should pay the small fee to have someone else fill them out?

I really have no problem filling them out. They gave me an example copy of what I want which is the divorce, my maiden name, and child issues on custody and support and a part for spousal support. Then I take them back and make sure I did them right before I make the copies and file. The thing I'm concerned about though is there is a part that has to have a date of your separation and we still reside in the same house. So I'm thinking maybe I have to hold off a bit till I get a new place and there will be a date. Because I'm worried about moving during the process and all my papers being sent to this address. I'm sure if I move out so will he. So I don't know.

I started looking into things a little more deeper and the laws. Well I guess it is strongly advised to not move from the home before the divorce because it's considered abandonment. I guess your suppose to just set up separate living quarters. But I would think living together while divorcing would make living conditions even worse.

You can live separately in the same house. Happens all the time. You just have separate bedrooms and no longer eat together. Good idea not to move out of the marital home if you can avoid it. This will help you be protected in the financial settlement.

Ok, thanks. Everyone has been telling me to go ahead and leave, but something told me not to. Which is why I looked into it a little deeper. Trust me I want to leave. But I do rely on him financially. And we have the two boys together.

Please listen to this clip on separation.
Radio clip on separation

I listened to the clip, but the girl was for reconciliation.
Ok, so today I'm really paranoid. I completely spaced that I put my divorce packet in my nightstand. We have separate ones so there's really no reason for him to go in mine unless he's snooping. He was in the bedroom the whole day with the door shut. I'm afraid he saw the papers, they were in an envelope though. But over an hour ago he took off on his motorcycle. What if he's filing? If he files first am I the loser? Will I loose everything? I'm so scared and paranoid right now.

Can you put them in a safe place he can't find them. Can you look again for some free representation? Protect yourself.
Radio clip on when should you separate

Do you feel in danger? Are you or your children in danger? Why are you worried about him finding your paperwork? When do you plan to tell him that you're filing?

You have many rights - please don't be afraid. Your fear will paralyze you. That won't help you. If you feel in physical danger you need to get yourself and your children away from him.