Just posted my first post today...tried as I might, I couldn't make it any shorter...

So today I emailed my husband a Plan B letter. I haven't heard back from him. Now I know that I am not supposed to be in communications with him, but knowing how controlling he is, and how he reacts to things...

I know that what he is doing is contacting his lawyer. He is going to come after me legally for telling him that he can't be here what he needs to do if he wants to see the children, and I am scared.

Has anyone had a WS respond to a plan B letter in this way??

I would slow down here. First off, in order to go into plan B, you have to be able to back it up. Have you changed the locks? Have you found an intermediary?

In the Plan B letter, you should attach a visitation schedule where he can pick up the kids without coming in.

Do you have an attorney of your own?

Also, if you make up several threads people will not be able to follow your story. Please stick to one thread.

And EVERY WS objects to Plan B because they do not like losing control of the BS.

Go change the locks TODAY. Call a locksmith and have them changed. CAll an attorney TODAY and get into see him.

Kiddo, you are NOT behaving in your own best interests right now.

Changing your locks will make you appear irrational and inciting when when you and your WH eventually reach the (evidently inevitable) negotiation/litigation stage. He still has legal rights to your (joint) home, right? He has never threatened you, your children, or your access to your children, has he? Your being heartbroken, angry at him, disgusted with him, does not confer extra-legal privileges upon you. It would be useful to consider how your actions will be presented by HIS lawyer at the time of his choosing.

Talk to YOUR lawyer before taking any additional "feel good" actions.

Stop thinking like a child whose toy has been taken away, and start treating your situation like a campaign you have to win, for yourself and your two children.

I beg your damn pardon? This is standard operating procedure when one goes into Plan B. It keeps the WS from walking into the house. It does not make her look "irrational" at all, it makes her look serious about Plan B. He has done more than threaten her. He has been abusing her openly and flagrantly on a daily basis for months, hence the necessity of an airtight Plan B.

HL, do not worry one second about changing your locks. We have BS's on this forum who have done this hundreds of times. It has NEVER created legal difficulties. We have had many WS's complain and make legal threats, but they were never able to follow through once faced with the prospect of having to face a judge and explain just WHY you even want to change your locks.

HL, let me put it this way, in 11 years on this board and hundreds of instances where a BS changed the locks, we have only had 2 instances of the WS calling the police in an attempt to be let in. In BOTH instances, the police told the WS to leave to keep the peace.

What happens more often is that your attorney will tell his attorney that your WS's presence is too painful and to ask him to respect your wishes. The WS complies because his lawyer doesn't want him perceived as a cruel bully. And no WS wants to give you an opportunity to appear before a judge and have to explain the reasons WHY you changed the locks, ie: emotional abuse.

Well, eventually, you mentioned the right words here:

your attorney

Bounce these initiatives off your lawyer, HL, as I suggested in my note, to see if he feels he will be able to make a case for "emotional abuse", when the time comes.

She is allowed to change her locks. He is allowed to re-change them back. If the police arrive, one party will be forced to leave anyways to prevent a domestic incident, and that is usually not the woman at home with the kids.

Just my experience, which is quite comprehensive on this issue

She does not need to consult an attorney to change her locks. It is not illegal in any state in this union to change the locks, I assure you. She does not need to wait to make a case for "emotional abuse." She needs to change the damn locks TODAY and then tell her attorney to do what it takes to defend that action, if warranted.

The right words are: change the locks!

Hi all, didn't mean to post and run, but I had a busy day with the kids.

Maybe I really shouldn't really consider this a true Plan B because quite frankly I am afraid of the repercussions if I change the locks. When he filed for divorce, we both received the standing orders of this county that apply when a divorce has been filed, and I am pretty sure that I'd be violating something if I change them. He did withdraw his divorce complaint but today he let me know that he informed his lawyer that it is back on.

He did agree though that he will not come over without adequate notice so that I can leave, and that he won't ever just walk in. Let's see how long that lasts.

MelodyLane, seeing your post, with the word "abused" right there in black and white made me finally realize that he has been emotionally abusing me for months. I have pages and pages of mean emails and text messages from him too...I can probably use those in order to have him formally "kicked out" of our house.

My head is spinning now...I will post more later.

HL, PLEASE hire the meanest attorney you can find and countersue. You MUST get legal protection. Do you live in a state where you can file for divorce on grounds? And did you see my post about exposing the affair?

Do you have an IM in place to intercept any contact from him?

What response are you talking about? No response? That is the goal.You should NOT expect a response because you are in Plan B. You should hear nothing from him if you are in Plan B.

In the meantime, contact an attorney to make sure your rights are being protected, as well as those of your children.

Who is your IM? I am concerned that you have not implemented a true Plan B.

What I meant was, responding in the form of nasty legal action.

At this point, I am just going to accept the fact that my husband wants a divorce. I had already retained a lawyer when he decided to file a month ago, so I am all set there. At this point I have to just plan for my future and hope that he comes to his senses.

If I change the locks, he will become so enraged that I am afraid of what will happen. I don't think he would hurt me physically..but I think that he would cause a scene that would hurt my children.

My friend was separated from her WH and didn't change the locks. While she was out one day, he came in and took many things, furniture, TV, etc.

Her lawyer: "You should have changed the locks".

Change the locks immediately, like, tomorrow. And on Monday, tell your atty to file for exclusive use of the home.

It is completely crazy to not change the locks. I have also been posting here a long time and have never seen a BS get in trouble for doing this.

You need to change the locks, HL. Not only will he be able to come in and take things, but when you go into Plan B he will become infuriated and may barge in on you. He obviously can't hurt you if he is locked out. He will not like losing control of you and will try to get you to break contact. You need to man up here and take steps to protect yourself. Change the locks. If he doesn't like it he can get a court order to get in. But he is very unlikely to do so because he won't want to have to explain to a judge just WHY you want him out.

You need to change the locks!!!!

I did, no repercussions.

The HOUSE is still my WHs HOUSE. If I rent it out, hell get half the rent. If I sell it, half again.

But it is not his HOME - not while he is in an affair. He can't come and go as he pleases. My Plan B would have been broken a million times if he could!

My solicitor said it was fine so long as I didn't bar access to the house or belongings. But he has to give her a good reason for access

If the law and all the police had said 'no' - I would still have done it.

I'm not having a wayward who frightens me in my home.

Change the locks now, sort out the legalities of it later.

While he has access, HE can have the locks changed on YOU

And very probably will since you sent a Plan B letter.