Well, H saw the doctor today about his depression. The doctor prescribed an anti-depressant. H finally admitted to me that he has been depressed for about 18 months. I think it just got gradually worse until he finally succumbed to the affair. <P>I realize that there are a lot of things that need to be improved upon in our marriage. Emotional honesty is probably at the top of the list. If we had this, then he probably would have told me how he was feeling, and he could have avoided the affair. The policy of joint agreement is lacking too (mostly on his part). And, we have never learned how to resolve conflict in a healthy manner.<P>The anti-deps should at least help him to get back on track with some rational thinking.<P>I was also thinking that it may just have another added benefit - a possible side effect is loss of sex drive!! Oh, devious me. I wonder how OW will feel about this??

sidney,<BR>Good thing you got your H to the doctor for the anti-dep but what about you ? Are you doing OK? I never took prescribed anti-dep (probably should have) but I did try the St John's Wort. Didn't seem to do a thing for me or my H. <P>There are many here who have taken prescribed medication for depression and can probably tell you if they really seemed to help. I've heard many say real positive comments. About that sexual side effect,,,darn if that happens!!!!

Sidney I hate to burst your bubble but I think my H took the generic of that, and he was keeping too women satisfied. ( at least I was best time we ever had) He said he had lost some of his drive a little latter but not enough he stopped with me but not her she got pregnant at this time. Then after her abortion he started up with me again. Maybe it increased his. <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Sidney - glad to hear that he's getting some of the help he needed! That's indeed terrific news.<P>I agree w/ NC though. Remember to take care of you during this ordeal.<P>I know how hard that first step was for him to take; let's hope he keeps on taking them.<P>About the sexual sa's. Well, we'll keep our fingers crossed!!!<P>Lori

That's great. Wish I could get my H on some.

I'm glad your H is taking the anti-deps. It's a major step on his part. He's actually doing something constructive to help himself, and in turn help your relationship.<BR>My wife refuses to see a doctor about getting a Rx. She's been diagnosed by two seperate therapists with severe chronic depression and still won't seek treatment. Among other things, she's afraid that I'll blame all our woes on her condition and that I'll think the anti-deps are the cure-all. <BR>It's sounds like your H's actions show a level of trust and hope in your marriage. I'm very happy for you. I'm sure there's still a long road ahead.<BR>How did he come to agree upon treatment?

Sidney, I myself am going to a psychiatrist soon for clinical depression. My W will also be going. I believe that I will be put on anti depression meds. One of the things I've found out was the symptoms for depression. Lack of direction, lack of energy, no focus, no ambition and that's just to name a few. The counselor that told me this also said that if we went to marriage counseling and didn't treat our problems the marriage counseling would be worthless. Just a thought to share with everyone.<P>------------------<BR>That Which does not kill us makes us stronger.<P>

Thanks, guys, for all the comments, shared experiences, and wishful thinking about the sex drive!<P>Declan- The way I got my H on anti-deps is I met with our primary care physician and explained the terrible situation we are in. I told him that I really felt that H is suffering from depression. <P>I have read a lot about the illness since discovering the affair. The reason I intervened, is that I read all the symptoms, and he had nearly every one. I also read on <A HREF="http://www.mentalhelp.net" TARGET=_blank>http://www.mentalhelp.net</A> that depression is difficult to diagnose because:<P>- Most doctors miss it in 5 out of 10 women, & 7 out of 10 men who come to them for other ailments. Unfortuneately, there is not a simple test to discover it.<P>- If the patient has had the illness for any length of time, they may not realize there is something wrong with them. Therefore, they probably won't seek treatment themselves.<P>- There is something called 'smiling' depression in which the patient is able to mask all the symptoms in the presence of health care providers.<P>- In many cases, it is only immediate family members or close friends who have known the patient for awhile who can recognize there is a problem.<P>The doctor told me he wanted me in the waiting room while he had the consultation with H. He said, "Just in case he is in denial, I may have you come in and reassure him that we only want to help him".<P>I set up the appointment, & told H that I thought he should talk with the doctor because he was depressed (he admitted to me he was), & that there was no reason he should have to suffer when there is medication that will help. At first, he was a bit paranoid about me doing this. I reassured him that I loved him & didn't want to see him hurting. I also told him that the doctor wanted me to come along (so he wouldn't be surprised).<P>In my situation, it wasn't very difficult because I think my H knows there is something wrong with him. But, I know him (hope so after 21 years!) & he would never have done this on his own.<P>So, I guess the short answer in my long-winded note is you should probably speak with your primary care physician.<P>It's the kindest thing you can do for your wife. Good luck.