Sorry if my reply to you was brash. However I presume you do not have the education, experience or training of S Harley so your comment of "agreeing" with him struck me as extraordinarily pompous. Sorry if you took offense.

I would say most of the people here agree w/SH! I don't know how you presume to know anything about me. I'm done here. You insult those trying to help you.

Dec, you need to understand that EVERYONE posting here speaks ONLY of MB principles.

No one posts personal opinions. No one unfamiliar with MB is allowed to post uninformed advice.

You don't need to worry about newbies posting nonsense that is not MB.

If they did the mods would remove it.

Pretty much everyone who has posted to you has a good deal of experience.

Of course we are peers, not professionals - but we all agree with the harleys!

I told you that in an earlier post. You did not respond.

If I had a nickel for every sitch where the affair started while a spouse was pursuing RA, I'd be rich.

Are you going to alter your RA so that your wife is involved?

Your obstinence is alarming. Do you not understand that most people don't set out to have an affair? They begin innocently - here's the great line "We're just friends". That's how it starts. You truly believe you're 'just friends'.

I believe that very few APs are 'predators' - they're just humans with lousy boundaries.

Indie, I'm here for opinions, trust me I know that. However, if I make a simple observation about something striking me as pompous, it did. Many here do give useful commentary, suggestions, etc. but some is sheer and utter speculation. I've been asked if I'm going to stop the long talks with women and my flirting with them. Say What !? When did I ever say I had long conversations with women now, or that I flirt. Being more open and cordial doesn't mean I've got desire to get into their pants, or working a way to do so. I'm surprised someone hasn't yet told me to quit beating my wife. And I should respond to that?

I've taken a lot of things into consideration. We have 5 more sessions with S. Harley lined up with my second one being this morning. Sort of like having poor vision and not knowing it, because maybe you never had good vision. Those kind of analogies can be made to many things, including some of what I have already mentioned in my prior posts.

This was a quote from a thread that I was directed to, not mine. It was about flirting, etc. and that someone who was apparently flirted to felt that way.

I have previously said that it needs to happen, and I already indicated how.

No you dont. You dont understand how the forum works. We are not allowed to post personal opinions. NOT ALLOWED. Any personal opinions would be deleted by the mods.

Anything that is not what Dr Harley would say, would be deleted by the mods.

People do offer non-MB advice and personal philosophies sometimes, but this is reported to the mods and the quotes are removed very quickly aorund here.

I would learn how the site works first, because your thread is going nowhere and experienced vets have stopped posting to you.

I am also going to bow out because my time is valuable.

What you can do, Dec, is read the announcement forum which explains the rules of posting, and how the site works.

In the announcement forum, people are advised to read the ten basic concepts, something I would highly advise you do.

You seem to have no conecpt of ENs and the lovebank. Thats why you dont understand why other women are meeting your ENs and filling your lovebank.

I appreciate that you already do understand beating your wife is bad, you havent made any mentionof violence either, and thats why no advice of that kind has been posted. It's a more commonly understood cause of harm to the spouse than allowing others to fill your lovebank.

You will understand the lovebank after you have read up on it.

Happy reading

"I appreciate that you already do understand beating your wife is bad, you havent made any mentionof violence either, and thats why no advice of that kind has been posted. It's a more commonly understood cause of harm to the spouse than allowing others to fill your lovebank."

It will be my privilege to give you the last word. Thanks

Here's the problem: Facebook is like a singles bar. That is how people start affairs nowadays. It is mentioned in as many as 1 out of 6 divorces.
If she does not delete her facebook account she is continuing contact with these men.
She can pick up the phone and call her kids if she wants to save her marriage.

HDW. If our sessions (5 so far w/ two more scheduled) with S Harley have taught us anything, then they have taught us that it is not FB. It is her understanding what I need regarding reassuarance and trust. FB is only one avenue, there's ATT, USPS, Delta airlines, you name it, many other avenues that are present at any given time on any given day. With the proper boundaries and reassurances though, FB will not be a problem. If FB was a problem, then we would have problems with most any other forms of communication, and that is not realistic. Further, if I thought FB was going to be a problem, then my feeling of appropriate boundaries have not be established. We have a better clearer understanding of what I need in that regard.

I have also read about the incidence of Divorce and FB, and I thought it was 1 in 5.

Well then a singles bar isn't an issue either.
Your wife's affair started on Facebook.
I am always amazed how addictive Facebook is to some and they CANNOT give it up; they always have an excuse that they can't live without it.

If your wife went to Joes Bar and hooked up with a guy would you be comfortable with her going back to Joes (with a list of your expectations in hand). Or would you prefer she stay away from there?

I understand what you are saying. FB is not a single's bar though. I could maybe keep her locked up in the house too, but that is not practical. Certainly FB could have become a full EA or more, but it didn't, thank God. And thank God because we are now addressing this and several other necessary things of our marriage too. Thanks

dec, FaceBook can be an addictive social medium that will wreck a family. It should be removed if your WW has had contact with OM on FB. I pinky-swear that she will live without it. I've done nicely without it for two years, now. And I haven't missed a single important moment in any of my friends' lives.

And yes, FB CAN be a singles' bar. I have seen numerous incidents in my job where once happily married couples split because of the sudden FB appearance of an old boyfriend.

Maritalbliss..... my outlook has been generally a bit different, which is probably what led to my (over) reaction when she befriended an xlover on FB in the first place. If my W doesn't want to be married to me, I'll leave, or vice verse. With the program we are getting in place though with S Harley, I don't envision that happening, ever; but, one year ago, I would not have said the same thing. We are becoming more aware/"coordinated" with our respective ENs and LBs. The coaching has provided some valuable kernels of insight for both of us. I also understand some have become addicted to FB but I could not imagine my W becoming so. She can become addicted or abuse many other things in life too, but doesn't appear to have done so yet. (Oh, with the exception of maybe chocolate !)

I will add that what happened, when it happened, was a blessing in many respects.

Thanks

Did you make it through all your sessions with Steve?

Yes. We have our plan in place, working it and we'll update him again shortly on its good progress. All the timing for us now appears angelic! Thanks for following up.

And what was concluded is she wasn't doing well at meeting my top five ENs but doing absolutely nothing to drain her LB, and me doing ok on meeting her top 5 ENs but draining my LB real quick. :-)