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And good luck on the exam Indie!


Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.

WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.

Plan B has set me free.

"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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Originally Posted by Caracal
But actually, I think many waywards become pretty good at masking their waywardness, just as many alcoholics hide their addiction. .....
I just can't believe we didn't notice them all IRL before Plan B.


Fascinating! I think you're right. And they ARE everywhere. Like flies. Sometimes its easy to spot one. Like the cousin who was my good childhood friend but as soon as I became betrayed she didn't speak to me or make eye contact at family partys. Too busy with her boyfriend who wasn't divorced when they met. And his toddler children.

Then there's the old schoolfriend I bumped into and had lunch with. Had an amazing time though it stopped me in my tracks when she said I am free to 'lap up attention' now. Then she mentions she divorced her husband because she 'loved him but was not in love with him'. Blood runs cold and I excuse myself.

I LOVE your image of Gollum!!!

Originally Posted by Caracal
The choc and hazelnut parfait with mint and citrus salad that accompanied it may have helped as well...


Now that's a Plan B diet!


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Originally Posted by indiegirl
Originally Posted by Caracal
The choc and hazelnut parfait with mint and citrus salad that accompanied it may have helped as well...


Now that's a Plan B diet!
Now there's a thread... the Plan B must haves diet!

Of course, we have to combat the calorie intake with exercise, in true Plan B fashion.

But still... it sounds like a winner thread. I even think those wanting to seek different experiences might try your black pud Indie, although I would much rather suggest lamingtons and pavlova.

As for FLIES... I even have a cousin who proposed to an OW whilst still MARRIED (OK, his WW first ran off with the OM before he met OW but still!!!) He was actually frantically waiting for his divorce to be final, as the wedding was scheduled for a few days after. His father even rang my mother complaining that the ceremony may go ahead if the legalities of it were not sorted.

This cousin recently said in suprise to me, why have I not hooked up with someone else? I think my face said it all.

By the way, for those reading and thinking replacement of the WS may cure our pain... my cousin's wife looks miserable, at all family gatherings. I think it is just a matter of time before history repeats itself.

I would rather be lonely whilst I heal and better myself then deal with adultery again.

I hope history does not repeat itself in my case. And if it does... I will handle myself a 1000 times better anyways.

Oops, TJ over (again) Indie!


Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.

WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.

Plan B has set me free.

"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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New experiences? And blood pudding? Nooo

I'll stick with trying to figure out how to put in a sprinkler system on my own. Thanks for the thought though, Cara.

Good luck on the math, Indie! Wish I could help you. Unfortunately, writing would be my strong suit too, and I teach 7 & 8-year-olds for a reason - I can still do the math. smile


Married: 22 years
Me: BW 41
Him: WH 43
Sons: 19, 17, 12
Daughter: 16
DD 8/09
EA started 8/08
PA started 7/09
Brief recovery of a few months in there.
Separated 10/10
Legal Separation 8/11
Plan B 5/17/12
Plan D 5/31/12

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I loved the Gollum description too. Sometimes I look at pinoke pretending to be this calm, rational, reasonable individual, portraying me as the psychopath, and I just want to rip off the mask and expose him for what he is. HATE that! Too bad they can't have some magic screen on their chest that reveals what's in their messed up hearts and heads all the time.

A paraphrased quote from the stirring novel, Despereaux, which I just read to my students, discussing the poor RAT, Roscuro:

He was free to move between the castle upstairs and the dungeon below, back and forth between darkness and light, but he never really belonged in either place. Alas, reader, such is the fate of those whose hearts are broken and mend in crooked ways.

Maybe if Pinoke's heart ever broke again, and could actually heal in the right way - pray for that and move along, I guess.


Married: 22 years
Me: BW 41
Him: WH 43
Sons: 19, 17, 12
Daughter: 16
DD 8/09
EA started 8/08
PA started 7/09
Brief recovery of a few months in there.
Separated 10/10
Legal Separation 8/11
Plan B 5/17/12
Plan D 5/31/12

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Originally Posted by CWMI
I can't maths, either, but I aced algebra in my 40's due to great teachers and perserverence.

You can do this, and excell, and then forget it all again. laugh
ITA. Had the same experience aceing electronics calculations right up to simultaneous equations when I was in my late twenties, I think I mentioned that before to you

Yeah I didnt even know times tables and was quite rusty on everything, having given up at 6th grade, and barely passed my GED

But it's awesome how God preserves us in our humility, if we allow it

Surprised to find out I have a rather high IQ and not only aced the class, but blew away the regular college students and the engineer who were in the class too

Determination and insisting you can do it, like it is allready predestined

I for one belive it is so with you

Oh great idea on the 90 sec thing

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hug

Sorry that you had that bit of a slip. I wanted to let you know though, no worries, Softlad is most definitely just as typical as any wayward. Believe me. wink

Good luck on your maths. Don't eat anymore gross things Hehehhehehehe

driving on by.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

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It DOES make me feel better to hear that, Scot so thanks. Its an odd state of affairs to be reassured by the news you're married to a crackpot, but there it is!

Had my exam this morning. No idea how I did. I didn't freak out (entirely) at the sight of the questions, so I'm taking that as a good sign.

Afterwards I went shopping for a new back door with my Dad and went economy crazy with coupons and vouchers in a budget supermarket. So I had a very productive day!

I'm going to cook up lots of bulk recipes and freeze stuff to save money. I've already frozen lots of ham and pastrami sandwiches for lunches. My BiL made me some home made piccalilli for them, yum! Love those Indian spices. Specially with mayo.

One thing nobody mentions about Plan B is the effect on your spending habits. You're in a miserable mood and you feel like you deserve treats. I'm a true shopper and even though I balk at expensive stuff I like to do it A LOT. Only my friends' love of swap parties has saved me really.

This has to stop NOW! If I'm going to afford the trip to India. Divorces are expensive, too.

I'm going to dinner at my friends house tomorrow, and none of us are drinking because we all live too far away from each other and it's a school night.

I thought we needed something nice to gossip over though, so I've made some elderflower cordial to take.

Talk about saving money! I got the flowers from my parents' elder tree, mixed them with boiling water, lemons and sugar and voila!

The house smells amazing. All lemony and the flowers gave off a honey smell when they were infused. In the morning I'm going to seive it into a pretty glass bottle and pop a ribbon gift label on it.

I can't believe I've been buying this stuff. Making it is so easy!


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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mmm, that's sounds delicious!

here in nz, people are really into making stuff from scratch and not buying things. since we don't have ready-to-go food, i cook all our meals from scratch using my mother's 1960s wedding present cookbook. it's great! i also like making my own body scrub, cleaning agents, etc. although not as cheap here because the ingredients aren't as cheap as in the USA. but we do have a place called Bin Inn where you can bring your containers and buy just what you need/want for ingredients. i love them!

i have a swiffer mop (do you have these in the uk?) and made my own "refill" with my DDs original nappies. soooo glad my H didn't let me get rid of them all those years ago. they are super for lots of things!


fBW 49
xWH 55
DD 22
DDay 6/07
D 8/15
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Originally Posted by indiegirl
It DOES make me feel better to hear that, Scot so thanks. Its an odd state of affairs to be reassured by the news you're married to a crackpot, but there it is!
Hahaha, I remember early in Plan B when I was still foggy, my IM read a post on here and rang me to say rather sternly "Caracal, he is as wayward as any other".

I too felt relief that my sitch was no different, as bizarre as it sounds...


Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.

WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.

Plan B has set me free.

"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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Originally Posted by indiegirl
I'm going to dinner at my friends house tomorrow, and none of us are drinking because we all live too far away from each other and it's a school night.

I thought we needed something nice to gossip over though, so I've made some elderflower cordial to take.

Talk about saving money! I got the flowers from my parents' elder tree, mixed them with boiling water, lemons and sugar and voila!

The house smells amazing. All lemony and the flowers gave off a honey smell when they were infused. In the morning I'm going to seive it into a pretty glass bottle and pop a ribbon gift label on it.

I can't believe I've been buying this stuff. Making it is so easy!
Indie, I just wanted to let you know that reading your thread at times makes me feel like I have entered a boutique gift shop, and am browsing amongst the many beautiful and girly things I might like to purchase...

Hey, did you end up doing your application for the job last weekend?


Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.

WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.

Plan B has set me free.

"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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No!!!!!

I'm shockingly remiss. Part of it is I hate those long forms they make you fill out nowadays and I view it as grown up homework. Then whenever I grit my teeth to do it, things always go wrong. I spent half of Saturday trying to get a borrowed laptop set up with a new dongle I'd bought. Most jobs seem to be online these days with online forms I cant access on my silly phone.

Turns out the laptop is too old to support the dongle, which is why it kept crashing. So I was back to square one. Then I had to abandon that project and get moving with revision for the exam. And I got my divorce docs sent off, too which is also q important.

With those two things out of the way, the job hunt is definitely a priority now. I'm out tonight and working the weekend, so that leaves Friday night. Might camp out at my parent's place and use their internet to get it done.

I travel way too far for work. Im blowing too much money on petrol. Its not good for the environment or my Plan B!!!

How did you get on with your application?

Originally Posted by Caracal
Indie, I just wanted to let you know that reading your thread at times makes me feel like I have entered a boutique gift shop, and am browsing amongst the many beautiful and girly things I might like to purchase...


Its funny you should say that because I do feel my world is prettier these days. In the past I'd buy some art or something for the garden and WH would go: "thats weird" or "I dont like sitting in the garden" so of course I'd take it back. I love how selfish and 'Plan Me' Plan B is.

My friend who stayed a few weekends back asked what I had done to the living room and I couldnt answer her. There were a few knick knacks added, that's all. One of them was a gift from her - a cartoon hero and heroine kissing in a guilt frame as a gag valentines (my birthday) gift. I siad 'Nothing' in surprise and she said: "It's a much prettier and girly house now, but I can't put my finger on what it is"


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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How did the exams go, Indie? I skimmed back through, but sorry if I missed it. I picture you in this beautiful, romantic cottage, surrounded by flowers. lashes

Best of luck on that, the applications, and the D. Sorry for you on that. hug



Married: 22 years
Me: BW 41
Him: WH 43
Sons: 19, 17, 12
Daughter: 16
DD 8/09
EA started 8/08
PA started 7/09
Brief recovery of a few months in there.
Separated 10/10
Legal Separation 8/11
Plan B 5/17/12
Plan D 5/31/12

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Originally Posted by indiegirl
With those two things out of the way, the job hunt is definitely a priority now. I'm out tonight and working the weekend, so that leaves Friday night. Might camp out at my parent's place and use their internet to get it done.

I travel way too far for work. Im blowing too much money on petrol. Its not good for the environment or my Plan B!!!

How did you get on with your application?
Its Friday night here, morning for you... I'm reminding you of your priority tonight, hehehe!

I know about commuting over in UK. It wore me down to a frazzle, it really is EXHAUSTING. I LOVE being able to walk to work in 20 minutes here, or drive in five.

I'm no better with my application... well, I did at least contact the company, but discovered it would involve a move. Not what I'm after right now.

Originally Posted by indiegirl
Its funny you should say that because I do feel my world is prettier these days. In the past I'd buy some art or something for the garden and WH would go: "thats weird" or "I dont like sitting in the garden" so of course I'd take it back. I love how selfish and 'Plan Me' Plan B is.

My friend who stayed a few weekends back asked what I had done to the living room and I couldnt answer her. There were a few knick knacks added, that's all. One of them was a gift from her - a cartoon hero and heroine kissing in a guilt frame as a gag valentines (my birthday) gift. I siad 'Nothing' in surprise and she said: "It's a much prettier and girly house now, but I can't put my finger on what it is"
I wonder if it is your personality shining through Indie?

I LOVE how Plan B allows us to focus on whatever WE want without thought of a partner. Before, I used to seek approval from H when buying something, or show him after to get consent it was okay. Now... I really have to curb my shopping appetite! As for girly, my mother pointed out some dark coloured towels recently, making the practical suggestion I get them for my new home. My response? Without a H who did manual labour, I can get the lightest, prettiest towels I want!


Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.

WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.

Plan B has set me free.

"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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Originally Posted by rainysweet
I picture you in this beautiful, romantic cottage, surrounded by flowers.


Oh I must burst your bubble, Rainy. I don't live in a pretty cottage!

I live in a former council house. (Puts history hat and teacher specs on) CHs were built by the government in the 40s and 50s to replace the tenements and terraced houses destroyed in the blitz.

There were also a way to give working class people better living conditions, as many peoples homes didn't have running water. CHs are boxy, very uniform and quite uninspiring but they are larger and brighter than traditional terraced homes. CH tenants paid rent directly to local government (the council) and many people purchased their council houses in the 80s under the 'right to buy' scheme.

We bought the house from an old lady who was a right to buyer. She was clearly from the 'old neighbourhood' of the inner city, like my own grandparents were before they were shipped out to the 'new town' of council houses in the nearby countryside. Which is now suburbia.

There are a few cottages dotted about though. The new town I live in was originally a lord's estate and there are some cottages which his labourers and some independant farmers would have lived in.

There's a wood a few streets back behind my house. I forage there because its full of fruit and berries. There're quite a few cottages spread along there and they're in great demand because they have character and our town is smack bang between two cities making it good for commuters.

There are two close together that have been turned into one cottage. Been on the market for months. It's covered in ivy and wisteria and looks fantastic with Christmas lights.

I would LOVE to live there. Buts its worth about �350,000 and my house is worth about �80,000.

Besides which my friends are telling me to look at getting into a city, near a good job and an active social life and they're right.

For now, the corner council house in my little suburban square will do.(corner plots have bigger gardens, a bit like the corner piece of the brownie pan being larger!). It's been splashed with my sense of style. Or will be when I get a hall carpet and repaint my kitchen and bedroom.

Maybe the super cottage will be available when me and the future Mr Indie are looking for a family home near the best babysitter in the world. My marmee!

Last edited by indiegirl; 06/15/12 04:23 PM.

What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Sometimes life stacks up to destroy your Plan B happiness. Not in big ways but in a thousand little ways that are very annoying.

I hate rain. I know I live in the worst corner of the world for such a sentiment, but I do! The Met Office has issued an amber warning for floods and driving to work this morning was like driving along the bottom of a swimming pool. At least it's not a red alert. Not even my huge transparent Lulu Guiness umbrella with red roses on it makes up for SO much rain. And I discovered a leak in my boots. And I can't afford new ones. Or rather I shouldn�t buy stuff right now. I'm going to try and patch it up with shoe goo.

Money is tight. I need to save up for this India trip in October and I had thought I'd be done paying solicitors and be divorced by now. I hadn�t counted on the burglary either and the fact that we had an insurance excess.

But I am going to India if I need to live on beans and soup between now and then.

But today I am working my nana's economy dish of Scouse. It's the only antidote to rain. Potato stew cooked slowly until it's all rich and mushy. I bought a cheap neck end cut of lamb and the sweetest baby veggies I could get on sale to flavour the stock. And crusty bread! Welsh lamb is the only benefit to the rain we get here. All that rain makes very green grass which makes fantastic lamb. It doesn�t quite make up for wearing black opaque tights in June though. I'm going to indulge in a bit of Scouse tonight with red wine, and chocolate tiffin.

I've been cooking a lot more and stocking the freezer to save money. There's already a nice Bolognese in there, chilli made with Pinto beans, a Spanishy fish stew and Chorizo and chickpea stew. (Rain makes me want to eat stew)

Then tomorrow I have a campfire party to go to (assuming the rain doesn�t put it out) and watch the Olympic torch pass through Lancashire before going to a comedy club with friends

On Sunday I'm going to be a good girl and look for a new job. When I've checked sites this week there has been nothing! Grrrr.

I don't think working in the garden is going to be an option. But working on my life is probably a much better plan anyway.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Make smores at your campfire. laugh


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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BH, I fear that is an unattainable dream.

First there seems to be no English equivalent for Graham crackers - and second the campfire has been cancelled!

Lots of the Olympic events have been due to the rain.

But there's an indoor music festival happening with lots of hay bales, live music and snacks.

So I will make do with that. Some foods need to be left on their native soil to encourage you to travel, anyway.

When I first came to the states it was 1996 and I was bowled over by the coffee. It was delicious! This was before Starbucks invaded our shores. At the time even half-decent coffee was hard to find in Britain. Now its everywhere.

That's nice, but it sort of takes some of the fun out of travelling.

Its like British people who won't go out of the country without packing tea bags and little long life mini cartons of English milk. So they can have a 'proper brew'

No, no. That's for returning home to. You aren't supposed to have a cup of tea on a balcony in Greece!


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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Unless it is mint tea!


BS (me) 46
STBX WH 53
Married 2000
DS, 11; DS, 10
1st A: LT D-Day - 02/14/06
2nd A: D-Day - 12/21/11
Plan B since 1/17/12
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Originally Posted by estrela
Unless it is mint tea!


EXACTLY


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

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