I will try and make this as short as possible. My husband, and I are both 53, married 31 years, together 34. We have one son who is 23. We have had a good marriage better at times than other times.. who hasn't! But never in my wildest dreams would I think my husband would do this.. It just does not fit his character, our life style at all.

Two and a half months ago I found out he committed adultery with two women. Both strippers he met at a club in Oct 2010. One was 23, and was with her for a 1 1/2 years having sex with her..he says every 5-6 weeks....til she went to prison in Dec 2011 for a Heroin addiction, which authorizes found out after a guy dying at her apartment of an over dose. , and he said he ended having sex with her then. But then still had number of other stripper-31, married, 3 kids!, and started having oral sex in his car with her , he says once a month.

He claims he was afraid the hooker with the heroin addiction would blackmail him by calling me.. so he said he would put money into her phone account at prison, she would call him daily from prison , I never had access to his cell phone records. He owns an insurance agency..and all that is private at his office. He posted bail for her in Dec.--6,000 of our money.. And then he claims to have had sex with her last in Dec, and never again.. Again he claims cause he was afraid she would blackmail him, sooo he takes her to Flordia -supposed to be seperate trips -to see her Father. (..and he has gone on this trip to Fl in the past .. so I do believe him there).. He was hoping it would futher keep her off drugs , and make her want to move to FL to be with her Father-- out of his life..cause it was too complicated now with her. In Feb, 2012 he "helped" her find a car cause she was going to college of some sort.. up near NY where her mother lived. She then even had insurance from our agency. All that car/insurance paid by her/ and her father , he says.. But air to FL paid by us.

He confessed to texting the first hooker often.. as much as 30 times a day , 3 days a week type thing..
And 2nd hooker I saw the records.. he was off and running with her.. one day 31 times, and that was on a sunday:( at home type thing.. ( I am stupid:(

She had to show up again for a drug test in March, and failed .. back to prison .. This is how I caught on finally --repeat number on his phone.. Last time she called him from prison he ended it.. (wasn't there ), but we did write a letter, that told her , he told me everything, and he even had me write a bit to stay away from him..and signed my name.. and mailed it to the prison. He claims to have had no emotional connection with them. He was able to end it easily , so maybe that is so.


There were other things.. that made me wonder , but he was soo good at lying, and I trusted him with my life.

He has been a wonderful husband leading up to this..and is trying hard to be one now.. He is honestly remorseful etc.. doing all things right. .. And I am in a muchhh better place than I was 2 and 1/2 month ago.. but today left my head spinning..

I saw a text to him from his "best" friend, asking has he heard from "April" lately, and they really need to go to a township meeting soon. I was saddened cause I would always say to him I think he --his best friend had something to do with him going to a strip club, cause my therapist said if it is that out of character for him, there may well be someone egging him on. And I though ah ha,, that guy I bet.. But he would swear 1. he was never at club with him. 2. he did not know he was cheating on me.

So today after the text he confesses yea, he was at club with him, but all he knew was that he was texing this April, and not having an affair..These are older men for heavens sake , not 16 year olds..

This has set me back.. cause all along he said he had nothing to do with it. and now alot of those township meetings I have found out were just to meet at bars.. never real meetings.. I am worried they were at other strip clubs, not bars.. How do I get him to confess it all , he claims he has.. not sure..

He claims this should not set us back at all.. but I am afraid it has.. Am I right to be worried/upset that there is still more?? More by way of other strip clubs with his friend that could have lead to if not sex.. things that no wife would want her husband doing..
Thanks to anyone that read this.. !

Welcome and sorry for your pain.

Whom has your WH's affairs been exposed to? Exposure 101

Schedule a polygraph and you can make sure he's coming clean on everything.
Polygraph Testing

Nikkin,

DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH YOUR H, he needs at lease 6 months to clear himself of likely HPV infections, do not put your health at risk. Do not trust you H if he tells you he wore condoms, although since a virus is small enough to get through a condom that is no protection either.

Also full SDT tests now and every 6 months.

God Bless
Gamma

Nikki,

Never believe the words of a wayward. Your H is wayward, and I have a strong suspicion he has been for much longer than you think.

Thank you Gamma! I agree that you should NOT have sex with this man until you and he have been fully tested for STD's and you can confirm that he is not continuing to engage in sex with drug addicted prostitutes. Even if he used a condom, there are MANY STD's that can be contracted. In fact, HPV which is the leading STD and has been for yrs, does not even need penetration, just genital area contact.

OK I'm off that soapbox, of which I am kindof a stickler, although it seems many others on here don't agree.

Next you need to expose these affairs, I am not expert on exposure but Brainhurts gave you the link to a proper exposure, and many on here can answer your questions on how to do that.

SCHEDULE A POLY. I would not let the sun set today without doing this. I am VERY suspect that this behavior has been going on for much longer than you think, and that your WH is a serial cheater. You need to know what you are really dealing with here.

You say he is honestly remorseful and doing all the right things...what things is he doing? The road to recovery after an affair is very narrow. Are you familiar with the MB principles and recovery plan? Have you read Surviving an Affair? What 'plan' for recovery are you following?

ITA. he's been having sex with sex workers who likely share needles. the heroin alone is exposure to HIV , never mind the oodles of yucky, disease-ridden sex partners. NO SEX w/the WH!


same questions from me.

He was tested for STD's. . I have yet to be , will be with my normal Gyn. appt. in July. What is he doing? -- well he has let me have access to his cell phone records, did away with his cell phone number , now have a new one. I have 'find my phone" on his iphone , and pretty much acts as a GPS, and I insist he has this on his person always.. and you can tell if he does.. or sitting in his car.

Our son works at his office, so he is able to check real mail type things..he would never use work email. So that should be all clear.

He has said this is not his friend's fault in any way.. BUT he will break all ties if that is what I need, and I do need that. That guy last I saw him, and last our son saw him, can not look us in the eye..I found that sooo odd..and now I know why. Thank you for all your help!

Who have you exposed his affairs to?

Just our son, 23 years old, and my sister. And well I guess his friend today when I found the text asking if my husband heard from her lately. Husband claims his friend was with him at strip club, but knew nothing of his affair, yet he saw him get her number, and knew he was texting her?? (odd) Is that what you mean by exposed?

Yes did you read the exposure thread I linked to you?

All the people that Dr. Harley says who needs to be exposed to? Especially the stripper who is married. Her BH needs to be told.

He would probably leave me to be honest if I told his family , friends, etc. I would not want to contact the married stripper cause of them blackmailing us.. Just spoke with him about telling everyone, and he said he would leave if I did this.. so I am right. He is ashamed. This isn't an affair of the heart.. but something he did for sex. Does that make a difference? I have no choice here , I can not tell people unless I want to end my marriage, which I don't.

I read about a prenup, and he said not in this town will he, I have to find a lawyer from next town, ok so I say I will, and he says all that means is he has to tell me when he is going to cheat before he does, not that he never will??? Not sure what to make of that remark:(

Blackmail? How could she blackmail you?

Have you read Dr. Harley's path on how to Survive an Affair? How to survive an Affair
Please get the book Surviving An Affair

Please listen to these radio clips.
Radio clip
Segment #2

They could as a couple blackmail us, cause to be honest I am not convinced this guy does not know she does this on the side. He married her as as stripper, knew she did it as a mother.. (if you could imagine), and I am guessing he probably said go on out there , and make us some money.. Jerry Springer style.

You don't need to worry about the skank blackmailing you, your WH is doing that already and you are allowing it. Your WH is still in this marriage for him...not you. Marriage on the terms of a wayward and out of fear...good luck with that because you will need it. Sorry to be harsh but this will be a death by a thousand cuts and denial.

I agree with BR.

Your WH knows he can continue to manipulate you and he's doing a good job.

Did you read the exposure thread? You do not ask the wayward for their permission.

I have to believe we can make this work without letting the world know his awful secret. It makes me look bad as well..

Have you read what Dr. Harley says about exposure?

Did you read the exposure 101 thread I linked for you?

Well, you can believe that, if you want.
No one here will support that belief.

Buy Surviving An Affair.
That's the best you can do.

*** LINK *** to bookstore

yes I did ,but he said he would leave me if I exposed what he did.. :((((((((

Please listen to these radio clips from Dr. Harley.
Radio clip of a BW in denial
Segment #2
Segment #3

So you'd rather keep enabling him to continue to serial cheat?

You're ok with that kind of marriage?