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I have to believe we can make this work without letting the world know his awful secret. It makes me look bad as well.. You don't have to expose to the world.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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He would probably leave me to be honest if I told his family , friends, etc. I would not want to contact the married stripper cause of them blackmailing us.. Blackmail? How could she blackmail you? Have you read Dr. Harley's path on how to Survive an Affair? How to survive an Affair Please get the book Surviving An Affair Please listen to these radio clips. Radio clip Segment #2They could as a couple blackmail us, cause to be honest I am not convinced this guy does not know she does this on the side. He married her as as stripper, knew she did it as a mother.. (if you could imagine), and I am guessing he probably said go on out there , and make us some money.. Jerry Springer style. Blackmail you with what? Telling everybody? This is why you want to expose your WH's activities yourself. Right now they are in control and you are feeling helpless and stuck between a rock and a hard place. Exposure transfers most of that control back to you because the threat has been removed. And by YOU! That threat of leaving is an empty threat designed to keep his transgressions a secret and avoid embarrassment. Well, sorry! He brought this on himself. You can choose your actions, but you can't choose the consequences of those actions. He won't go anywhere. Tough dookie.
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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He was tested for STD's. . I have yet to be , will be with my normal Gyn. appt. in July. You are going to ask your doctor for a full STD panel or just getting a routine exam? Don't understand why you waited...well I do actually. Did your WH's result come back clean?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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I have to believe we can make this work without letting the world know his awful secret. It makes me look bad as well.. Have you read what Dr. Harley says about exposure? Did you read the exposure 101 thread I linked for you? yes I did ,but he said he would leave me if I exposed what he did.. :(((((((( So you'd rather keep enabling him to continue to serial cheat? You're ok with that kind of marriage? Why do you say he would be a serial cheater? He has confessed to them both within a few days of one another , and swears he never will again. And you can see it in his face how disgraced he was , and how broken he was. We were not raised this way..and it goes against everything that we stand for.
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Another exception to the Policy of Joint Agreement when confronting infidelity is what I've called, "exposure." I highly recommend that while in plan A you tell your friends, family, the lover's spouse, your pastor, and possibly your wayward spouse's employer that your spouse is having an affair.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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He was tested for STD's. . I have yet to be , will be with my normal Gyn. appt. in July. You are going to ask your doctor for a full STD panel or just getting a routine exam? Don't understand why you waited...well I do actually. Did your WH's result come back clean? I am unsure if I need a full STD testing. I know I need HPV, I have been tested for that once before routine and was normal.. I waited cause he got tested it was totally clean with it all.. and I have proof of that.
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Here are some more radio clips from Dr. Harley on exposure. Dr. Harley talks about exposure on the radio
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Another exception to the Policy of Joint Agreement when confronting infidelity is what I've called, "exposure." I highly recommend that while in plan A you tell your friends, family, the lover's spouse, your pastor, and possibly your wayward spouse's employer that your spouse is having an affair. As hurtful as this has been for me, I just can not hurt him with this.. But I appreciate your help, I really do. And I may be totally wrong here.. but at least I will not have hurt someone else in the process..and yes, maybe I will be sorry for this.. but I have to live with me..
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He was tested for STD's. . I have yet to be , will be with my normal Gyn. appt. in July. You are going to ask your doctor for a full STD panel or just getting a routine exam? Don't understand why you waited...well I do actually. Did your WH's result come back clean? I am unsure if I need a full STD testing. I know I need HPV, I have been tested for that once before routine and was normal.. I waited cause he got tested it was totally clean with it all.. and I have proof of that. I would still get a full STD checkup on yourself. Peace of mind.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Another exception to the Policy of Joint Agreement when confronting infidelity is what I've called, "exposure." I highly recommend that while in plan A you tell your friends, family, the lover's spouse, your pastor, and possibly your wayward spouse's employer that your spouse is having an affair. As hurtful as this has been for me, I just can not hurt him with this.. But I appreciate your help, I really do. And I may be totally wrong here.. but at least I will not have hurt someone else in the process..and yes, maybe I will be sorry for this.. but I have to live with me.. You're ok with the OW's BH not knowing? Wouldn't you have wanted someone to tell you when he first started cheating years ago?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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As hurtful as this has been for me, I just can not hurt him with this.. But I appreciate your help, I really do. And I may be totally wrong here.. but at least I will not have hurt someone else in the process..and yes, maybe I will be sorry for this.. but I have to live with me.. Yep, you are totally wrong. Sorry. How would you be hurting anyone? What have YOU done wrong? Nothing at all. If he suffers from embarrassment from him being exposed, it's on him, not you. You have done nothing wrong. Okay? Right now he has no accountability whatsoever. And you're allowing that by not taking control back and exposing his adultery. It's within your power to do so. I know you're scared to death, and I feel bad for you, but you need to do this to eliminate any perceived threats that are being thrown your way. You'll feel a lot better when you do and give yourself a better chance at recovery. If you don't, you won't. You say you have to live with you. Are you willing to live with you knowing full well you wouldn't do everything possible to save your marriage? Just a thought.
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He was tested for STD's. . I have yet to be , will be with my normal Gyn. appt. in July. You are going to ask your doctor for a full STD panel or just getting a routine exam? Don't understand why you waited...well I do actually. Did your WH's result come back clean? I am unsure if I need a full STD testing. I know I need HPV, I have been tested for that once before routine and was normal.. I waited cause he got tested it was totally clean with it all.. and I have proof of that. I would still get a full STD checkup on yourself. Peace of mind. Ok then I will. It will be sad to say I need , I have been going to same dr, since I had my son believe it or not. I suppose they are some what use to this? I live in a small town ..
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Did you get the radio clips to work that I posted?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Posts: 39
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Do you have have to be a paying member to get the radio clips to work?
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Posts: 20,440 Likes: 4
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Do you have have to be a paying member to get the radio clips to work? Only if you want to go back through the archive. Are the clips I posted not working for you? Another poster who I just posted to tonight was able to get the clip to work and she doesn't pay.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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He would probably leave me to be honest if I told his family , friends, etc. is that really such a bad idea? do you want to stay in a M where your husband behaves this way?I would not want to contact the married stripper cause of them blackmailing us. erm, uh, HOW? don't contact her, contact her BH. he may let her strip (whatta man!) but sex? really? i bet your WH told you that thing about the blackmail, right? don't believe a thing your WH tells you about her BH either.Just spoke with him about telling everyone, and he said he would leave if I did this.. so I am right.  no no no. you do NOT tell your WH the plans here. it only gives him something to work with to hide his behavior. and he won't leave. he'll be massively pissed off, but so what? as we say around here, your M can survive anger. it cannot survive APsHe is ashamed. This isn't an affair of the heart.. but something he did for sex. Does that make a difference? no, it makes no difference whatsoever.I have no choice here , I can not tell people unless I want to end my marriage, which I don't. YES, you DO have choices! and they don't have to include ending your M, if that's what you want. Marriage Builders is about building good marriages, not ending them.I read about a prenup, post-nup and he said not in this town will he, I have to find a lawyer from next town, ok so I say I will, and he says all that means is he has to tell me when he is going to cheat before he does, not that he never will??? Not sure what to make of that remark:( this is from the "ashamed" man? really?nikkin, right now you are in that "i can't *believe* it! space. but you've gotta shake it off soon and start deciding what kind of M you want, and a plan to have it. i know you really don't want to settle for what he's been giving you, and you want so badly to believe him. but you CAN have the power to break this cycle and even save your M. are you willing to work the MB programme?
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Did you get the radio clips to work that I posted? They still don't work.. it must be from my end.
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I'm sorry nikkin but when you are dealing with prostitutes and heroin addiction, you are at a much higher risk of diseases far more serious than HPV, such as HIV. Get tested ASAP, make your appointment today or Monday.
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Alis, Slight correction here, HPV is a deadly STD because it can cause various cancers. From the CDC site. For whatever reason this information is not as well know as the lethality of AIDs. So kissing is no longer safe either. Human papillomavirus (HPV) has been found to be associated with several types of cancer: cervical, vulvar, vaginal, penile, anal, and a few head and neck (oropharyngeal) cancers. Each year, more than 20,000 HPV-associated cancers occur in women; cervical cancer is the most common. More than 11,000 HPV-associated cancers occur each year in men; oropharyngeal cancers are the most common. http://www.cdc.gov/cancer/hpv/God Bless Gamma
Last edited by Gamma; 06/23/12 11:22 AM.
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Sorry, I don't mean to apply that HPV itself isn't serious (I should reword that, but I'll leave it be with your correction), it's just that our OP said "I don't know if I need full testing..." she has been exposed to the high risk group for HIV and Hep C (among others), IV needle users/prostitutes. The majority of IV using prostitutes I have worked with in the past have been Hep C positive and a good percentage HIV positive.
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