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Joined: Jun 2012
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I was shocked this week to learn that someone in my family has been having an emotional affair. The spouse reached out to me for support, being naturally distraught and heartbroken. I love them both. I'm disappointed in the wayward spouse but hopeful that the remorse that has been shown is real and they are on their way to recovery. I just wonder if there is anything that extended family should do or not do to help that recovery along and give them the best chance of healing their marriage. Children are involved.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
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Joined: Nov 2010
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I was shocked this week to learn that someone in my family has been having an emotional affair. The spouse reached out to me for support, being naturally distraught and heartbroken. I love them both. I'm disappointed in the wayward spouse but hopeful that the remorse that has been shown is real and they are on their way to recovery. I just wonder if there is anything that extended family should do or not do to help that recovery along and give them the best chance of healing their marriage. Children are involved. Welcome. Yes definitely you can send the betrayed spouse here and we can help them. Dr. Harley has an excellent plan for recovery if it is followed. What are they doing to affair proof their marriage? Has the affair been exposed? Who did they have an affair with?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,757
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I was shocked this week to learn that someone in my family has been having an emotional affair. The spouse reached out to me for support, being naturally distraught and heartbroken. I love them both. I'm disappointed in the wayward spouse but hopeful that the remorse that has been shown is real and they are on their way to recovery. I just wonder if there is anything that extended family should do or not do to help that recovery along and give them the best chance of healing their marriage. Children are involved.
--And, have steps been taken to ensure that the wayward spouse and that person's emotional affair partner never have any contact again?
Answers to those two questions will give us a better picture of the situation you're witnessing.
A sincere wayward spouse will be amenable to changing his/her lifestyle to live with complete transparency with respect to his/her spouse, and will not balk at taking extraordinary precautions to guard against any further contact with the affair-partner.
Emotional-affair situations are particularly insidious in the sense that, often, the affairee doesn't acknowledge it as a true affair, and thus doesn't treat the situation with the seriousness it deserves. Let me be clear: An emotional affair is a mortal threat to a marriage; if left improperly checked, it is likely to become physical, and so the probable outcome is exactly the same, and it must be treated the same.
Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009
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Joined: Jun 2012
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I have referred the spouse here. I don't know if she will come to the forums or not, as I don't know that that is her "thing", but I hope she's reading and learning some things. The affair was with an old high school flame, via FB, and is somewhat long distance. He has called the OW to break contact and is now showing shame and remorse. I don't know how many people know about it, but I know that several people in our family do.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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turqoise, if you will send the betrayed spouse here, we can guide her through recovery. The most important step is for the wayward spouse to end all contact with the other person. Once that happens, they need to go through all the steps of recovery. We can help them do this.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jun 2012
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I have sent her a link, thank you. I hope that she'll take advantage of the support and help here.
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 12,357
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I have sent her a link, thank you. I hope that she'll take advantage of the support and help here. Turqoise, what a great thing you've done, to direct the BW here. Well done! You appear to be familiar with MB concepts, so you probably understand that ending the affair is just the first step in healing the marriage. There is much work to be done for the husband and wife - and it's the best work they're going to do. Please send that poor woman here, so we can help her.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
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My wife has had at least one confirmed Facebook affair.
I am familiar with Facebook.
Cheaters like it.
But the wife needs to get involved. And the wayward husband.
I think the best thing a relative can do is Take a Stand for Marriage and Never condone an affair.
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Joined: May 2011
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You are clearly a caring person who values marriage by posting this about a relative.
Be supportive of the BW, and hopefully she will come here. It has been such a help in my healing.
As for the WH... I hope he is committed to no contact. I think exposure helps get rid of some of the fog, especially if as HDW says, others stand up for the marriage.
Have you spoken with the WH to let him know you know and how this makes you feel?
I have taken a stand in a friend's sitch, and I think it helps both the BS and WS. The betrayed knows I have her back, and the wayward knows I will hold him accountable. As the fog lifted, he has seen this is because I had his best interests at heart. He risked losing his kids and loving wife.
Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.
WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.
Plan B has set me free.
"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
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