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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 60
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 60 |
My wife is having an EA with a guy. This isn't the first time I'm dealing with infidelity. I've been busting my tail trying to fix my marrage. My wife says that she's trying to work on this ONLY for the kids. I asked her to stop contact with OM. She said that she has. I know for fact that it's not true. She lies right to my face. I need help. I don't trust anyone. She even had my kids lying to me. I was away for weeks at a time. I've always been a yeller and that made my wife very unhappy. I've been home for the last 4 months and doing everything possible to fix this. My wife told me she wanted a diuvorce and my kids were for it untill I came home. Now they see how hard I'm working on trying to fix things. I don't yell at all and try to show nothing but respect. I do the bulk of the things at home. My kids are now against my wife. They didn't like lying to me. I tell my kids that she is still their mother and should have respect. I need help PLEASE.....
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 |
My wife is having an EA with a guy. This isn't the first time I'm dealing with infidelity. I've been busting my tail trying to fix my marrage. My wife says that she's trying to work on this ONLY for the kids. I asked her to stop contact with OM. She said that she has. I know for fact that it's not true. She lies right to my face. I need help. I don't trust anyone. She even had my kids lying to me. I was away for weeks at a time. I've always been a yeller and that made my wife very unhappy. I've been home for the last 4 months and doing everything possible to fix this. My wife told me she wanted a diuvorce and my kids were for it untill I came home. Now they see how hard I'm working on trying to fix things. I don't yell at all and try to show nothing but respect. I do the bulk of the things at home. My kids are now against my wife. They didn't like lying to me. I tell my kids that she is still their mother and should have respect. I need help PLEASE..... Welcome to Marriage Builders. You've landed in the best place to help your marriage survive from your wife's affair. Who is this OM? Is he married? Good job on telling your kids the truth. Is she still in contact with the OM? Need to expose this affair. Read this. Exposure 101
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 |
Also you may be 50% responsible of the demise of your marriage but your wife's affair is 100% her fault.
There may be reasons for an affair but NEVER excuses.
What are you doing to control your lovebusters? Especially your angry outbursts?
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 60
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 60 |
I know that we're both at fault. OM is an old boyfriend from when we were young. He is divorced twice and has custody of his daughter. Since I've been home I haven't raised my voice once. I try not to even talk to her about it. It only makes her pull away. I do the bulk of the house work and running around of the kids. Yesterday we went to a graduation party. My wife looked really good. She was wearing a new outfit. When we got home and went to bed I told her that I missed her and asked if we could make love. She told me that she couldn't guarantee that she would be thinking of me. Needless to say that was a shot in the heart. So i didn't push it. My kids are telling me to kick her to the curb. That's not what i want. I want to save my family. I work full time and she works part time. She neglects everything. Her life revolves around the computer and a cell phone that she keeps locked. My kids come to me for just about everything.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 |
I know that we're both at fault. OM is an old boyfriend from when we were young. He is divorced twice and has custody of his daughter. Since I've been home I haven't raised my voice once. I try not to even talk to her about it. It only makes her pull away. I do the bulk of the house work and running around of the kids. Yesterday we went to a graduation party. My wife looked really good. She was wearing a new outfit. When we got home and went to bed I told her that I missed her and asked if we could make love. She told me that she couldn't guarantee that she would be thinking of me. Needless to say that was a shot in the heart. So i didn't push it. My kids are telling me to kick her to the curb. That's not what i want. I want to save my family. I work full time and she works part time. She neglects everything. Her life revolves around the computer and a cell phone that she keeps locked. My kids come to me for just about everything. Good job controlling your lovebusters and working on filling her lovebank. Do you know what your wife's top EN are? Did you read the exposure thread I linked for you? Read this. Carrot and Stick of Plan A
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 60
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 60 |
Yes I do know what her EN are. I've been trying to meet her #1 need (communication) but I feel like I'm beating my head against a wall. I know more about the affair than she knows. I know that she is still in contact with the OM even though she says she's not. As long as there's contact I'm doing nothing but spinning my wheels.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6 |
Yes I do know what her EN are. I've been trying to meet her #1 need (communication) but I feel like I'm beating my head against a wall. I know more about the affair than she knows. I know that she is still in contact with the OM even though she says she's not. As long as there's contact I'm doing nothing but spinning my wheels. Exactly that is why you need to expose her affair and it will kill the affair. Does this OM have a facebook page? Did you read the Exposure thread I posted to you?
FWW/BW (me) WH 2nd M for both Blended Family with 7 kids between us Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Yes I do know what her EN are. I've been trying to meet her #1 need (communication) but I feel like I'm beating my head against a wall. I know more about the affair than she knows. I know that she is still in contact with the OM even though she says she's not. As long as there's contact I'm doing nothing but spinning my wheels. I would expose the affair wide and far. Run the OM off by exposing to all his facebook friends and then confronting him. You are being too timid in your approach. OM are rat cowards so when you give them trouble, they run off.
Last edited by MelodyLane; 06/25/12 07:26 AM.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 633
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 633 |
Your wife is in a dark fog. Your marriage will not recover until you have exposed the affair and all contact with OM is done. Read the links and listen to the posters. Exposure killed my affair and brought me back to reality.
Stick with MB no matter what happens
Me (WS) Husband (BS) DS - 15 DD -10 My D-day - 11/12/11
Today Me (BS) H (WS) D-Day #2 01/14/12 I don't want to just survive my affair, I want to recover from it!
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 60
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 60 |
The problem is my wife told me that OM said that she should try and work on our marriage because of the kids. They didn't talk for a short time. But my wife started contacting him. She denies it but I know the truth. She's the one that won't stop communication
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
The problem is my wife told me that OM said that she should try and work on our marriage because of the kids. They didn't talk for a short time. But my wife started contacting him. She denies it but I know the truth. She's the one that won't stop communication Did you read my post about running the OM off? You have to be firm and raise holy unmitigated hell with them. Is the OM married?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 5,247 |
The OM will stop talking to her if you make it unpleasant enough. Tell his wife or girlfriend.
Tell his mom.
Tell his coworkers.
Expose his dirty little secret - he will likely tell your wife to get lost.
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 60
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Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 60 |
OM is not married and is out of state. This has been totally emotional. She had plans to go see him. I was told that she was going to see a sick aunt. Her aunt lives very close to OM. I found all the evidence on what she was really going to do. She tells me that she has no feelings for me and it really hurts. I just don't understand with all that I've been through with her. I still love her and want to fix this. I asked her if we could go out tonight. Just to talk and spend some time together. I got the standard answer. We'll see. Most of the time when she says that it doesn't happen. She says that she doesn't mind going out but she knows that I'm going to start talking about the situation that we're in before the end of the night. I try not to bring it up but it's so hard not to. I guess I'll find out when I get home.
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