You said that the GAL wanted to amend your PO to allow emails.

If you're going to shoot down these types of ideas, then your only recourse is to go to court. Either that, or live with it.

The reason I asked you if you read the notes is because this shows her that even though you say you won't communicate with her, you still are. Communication needs a speaker and a listener. Stop being that listener. What types of things is she sending in these notes? Is there anyway that you could contact your GAL and let her know that she is using your child as a go-between? I don't know how GAL's work where you are, but I thought they were meant to protect the child's rights.

No, it wouldn't go very well for her if I went back to the court with everything. The judge laid into her pretty good last time. One thing that I see as a negative is I met with her in March when my grandfather passed. I know. Bad move but she called minutes after i found out (my pastor told her) and wanted to be there for me because I literally have no one else. We both stand a chance at getting in trouble. I'm to the point where I'm willing to even risk that myself if I can put a stop to all of this bull.

In all actuality, Susie, I wanted to go back to court. I wanted to fight more. I really didn't want to agree to the terms of the divorce when I did. My lawyer and my GAL told me I would be looking at close to $4,000 more to go to trial, etc. I was already working 2 jobs to finishing paying for the lawyer to begin with. When they told me that, I just threw in the towel.

And I have been dealing with it. Now its starting to be too much. Im also sure the GAL will not approve of the messages.

Concerning the notes, I realized that I had to stop reading them as well as listening to what DD said. I did simply act on what was on the notes, I.e. dentist appointment's and such, but I stopped a while ago.

I seriously doubt that this judge would hold this kind of break of his order against you. He would have to be one cold hearted SOB to do so, and considering the circumstances, I just don't see it happening. Remember, she called you and you were very vulnerable because you had just lost someone very close to you. I wouldn't worry about this becoming a legal problem for you one bit. Again, I simply do not see it happening.

You have an ally in this judge. You need to use it. I know you don't want to, and I understand that, but what she is doing is just flat out wrong.

mark, does your state have "self-help" in the court system? Please call and check. Here in my state they have a day where you can go in and sit down with an atty who will help you file court actions on your own.

I don't know what you will have to do but letting your WW use your DD as a messenger is UNACCEPTABLE.

Are you documenting everything?

Yes! I have even kept all the notes.

She can't unilaterally decide to take a weekend away from you.

I do think that since you're divorced that you need to drop the Plan B. I say that as someone who understands what you're doing, but you're not trying to preserve feelings for your WXW.

At this point, your DD should be your primary motivator.

I would file something legally fighting the weekend takeaway. You should, at a minimum, document everything.

What exactly is the order regarding communications?

I was told by the parenting coordinator in my case that we should not communicate by phone unless someone was about to die or it was an emergency. I conditioned my WXW to put everything in emails and she followed suit right after.

If you do desire to maintain darkness and use an IM, then pursue that, but eventually you'll have to drop that if you stay divorced. Total darkness when kids are in the picture, especially for men, is nearly impossible and there comes a point when you flat out don't care anymore and can communicate with an ex when necessary for the kids.

I think that a general policy of not communicating over the phone or in person is called for, but it's really hard to do as a man who doesn't have primary custody. Your failure to answer to certain things can surely backfire on you legally.

I also tell you to not read too much into the reprimand the judge gave your WXW. Judges do that sometimes to make themselves feel better after giving custody to a mom who really doesn't deserve it.

I would recommend to put a legal protest into family court. Represent yourself if necessary or show up with the police and a copy of your court order. The cops can enforce a court order and you can show them that you are supposed to have your child and she's denying you.

They can't do anything without an order, however.

But if you let things slide they can use that against you in the future.

So have the cops go get your DD and charge her with either alienation of affection or something else depending on what a lawyer may advise.

If you can't afford a lawyer, then call the cops at a minimum.

Sorry for the late reply to this but with all the editing I wanted to do, I wanted to wait 'til I had computer access. Hard to do on phone...


So does divorced mean that I'm not trying to preserve love? I do still love her and I am trying to preserve love. That's just a fact. Divorced or not.


Prior to D being final, we communicated through my lawyer. Now, I don't have a lawyer. The GAL wanted MIL to be our IM but I refused that. I was told by WxW to stop contacting her mother when I exposed. NOW they want me to communicate with her. In addition, MIL told me that wxw wasn't doing anything wrong by seeing other people because we were seperated. I'm sorry for being judgemental but that is not the view a Christian should have (even though I know many do).


Why is it impossible? At this point, I've still been an active part of my DD's life and all while being totally dark.


Failure to answer to what kind of things?


You may be right, but our judge is known throughout the community as being one with a temper and one who can be harsh. If it were to be brought to his attention her repeated violations in light of his stern reprimand, I believe she would be in big trouble.


This does present a problem. The order says something different. After the PO was put into place, I wasn't able to see daughter at all due being unable to communicate. When the GAL got involved, my work situation was assessed (I was working to jobs - 8-5 Mon-Fri and 5:30 to 10 pm on 4-5 nights a wk and mostly on weekends) and I began getting her on Wednesdays and Sundays. The order says more time, which is eventually the goal. It's just not that way right now.


I do believe I need to do something before they go on the trip. On Monday, I plan on trying to get something done. What that is right now, I just don't know....

MANY BSs choose to continue PB even after a divorce. I don't see a problem with that.

Wow! I didn't realize it had been over a month since my last post. I very rarely even read the thread at all anymore but I just thought I'd share something from last night.

I decided to go out and enjoy myself for a bit. I had been standing out front chatting with a few people for about 15 min. when here comes my wxw and 2 of her gfs. The 3 entered the building, walked right by me and I DID NOT CARE.

She obviously didn't care about the bogus PO she has against me since I was there 1st so neither did I. At first I contemplated leaving because they were there. That thought was quickly scrapped. I entered a few minutes later, walked within 2 ft of the trio without eye contact, bought a beer and sat down. I had planned to do it anyhow, so that's what I did.

They ended up leaving about 1/2 later but I REALLY DIDN'T CARE!!!

This was only the 2nd time I've seen her in over a year. In the days and months before, I would have literally fell apart and probably even left, allowing simply her presence to fluster me. That didn't happen and it felt GREAT.

At one time, I came her proclaiming my "unconditional" love and now I even wonder if I still even love her at all. One thing I am totally sure of is I've let her go.......

In some ways, I almost seem like last night's encounter was some sort of victory. I mean, I can barely tell you what she had on or even what she looked like. I noticed she was wearing white pants and that she had long braids, but other than that I don't even know. Once I entered, I didn't even look her direction.

She was probably quite surprised to see me out and drinking a beer. I hadn't done either of those things in the last 6-8 years of our marriage. Actually I hadn't drank in 10 yrs. Maybe that's a regression of sorts but I don't drink to get drunk. I don't even drink at home.

But nonetheless, I'm happy about how things went last night....

Cool!

Mark, they say that the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. Seems to me like you are headed in the right direction, and that is definitely something to be proud of. You did EVERYTHING you could to save your marriage. Good on ya.

So this makes 2 weeks in a row that I've encountered my wxw on a night out. This time i didn't realize she was in the same establishment (it was a packed house) until a mutual friend told me they saw her. I REALLY DIDN'T CARE!!!

I stayed and did what I'd planned to do, have a good time, and i did. I shot the breeze with some guys, drank a couple of beers, danced, and simply enjoyed myself. I did pass wxw a few times throughout the night but, again I didn't care.

At one point, i stepped out to catch some air and passed her with some overweight guy. I didn't care. I actually laughed because I'm a former college/pro baseball player who has maintained my physique over the years. The guy she was with didn't seem much like an upgrade....oh well.

Last time, I wished I'd had a girl on my arm. This time I was glad I was alone. I had a good time all by myself and I'm SURE she saw it.

This is true MB warrior style.

Mark, I'm really glad you are finding such peace and happiness. I read your fight for your marriage, you deserve this.

It really is a turning point when we no longer make choices concerned with the wayward reaction huh? I have a way to go with this (but am making progress!), but you are inspiring and it helps to follow your progress.

You will not get me on an "entitlement" kick because I know too much about life to think I "deserve" anything other that what's currently going on in my life.

I will say, though, that I have made great strides towards my healing and recovery. I'm actually taking another step now, as we speak. I decided to finally completely update my fb page. I'm deleting pictures, changing statuses, etc. This includes going from Married to Single.

I'd not done this because there had always been a hope that somehow, someway things would work out differently. That hope seems have all but totally evaporated. There may be a morsel of hope left, but it is TINY.

I also wasn't ready for the questions that would come once everyone knew. I guess I'm ready now.

WOW! What is going on???

Today, I ran into my wxw twice. This makes 4 times in the last 2 weeks. Before that, I had only seen her once in 8 months.

The first encounter today was as I was driving by a house where she must have been working (she's a social worker). When I turned the corner, I saw her standing on the porch. When I passed, I looked in the rearview and her eyes were fixed on my car.

The second encounter today was about 1/2 hour later. I met up at the park to chat with a girl a met recently and my wxw drives up. Again, she seemed to be working, but i was surprised she stayed because it was obvious she saw me standing there.

I didn't stay once she got out (since her PO says I'm a physical threat to her...which i'm not). But the real reason I left was the point was made even clearer than what she witnessed the last 2 saturday nights.

The last 2 Saturday she's seen me out having a good time by myself. Today, she saw me talking to another women. She now should understand that I AM MOVING ON!!!!

Will you ever be able to get the PO removed?

It expires July '13.

Well the best revenge is living your life well. Which I'm sure your WW has taken note.

Keep enjoying your life. How's your DD doing?