Good luck and have fun... Glad things are good for you.

so happy for you mark

Just thought I'd let you all know the show went well. I ended up doing 6 songs. I definitely learned I need to recondition my vocal cords. I hadn't sang that much in years and I felt my voice tiring about the end of song 3. I just lowered my remaining songs a half step or two and finished fairly well.

About 10 of the 100+ people I invited showed up. It was nice to have some familiar faces out there. It wasn't a huge crowd but it was nice. AND I got paid to do it!!!

Yay!

Yes, singing more than three songs is stressful on a voice. I don't know how people do it!

Congrats!

Its been a few months since I've posted anything but i want to know everyone's thoughts on something.

Its been over 2 yrs since my saga began. We've been divorced since December
Still NC with WxW but I'm getting a sense that DD might start asking questions sooner than later. Some of her statements to me lately cause me to believe this.

She has openly started expressing displeasure with her mother (which i quickly put to a halt) and is really starting to show affects of everything IMHO. WxW and her family, Im sure want everyone to believe all is well concerning DD (who is 9) but i know better.

My question? While i am an extreme advocate of telling the truth in appropriate ways, how much do i tell her now? I told her about the adultery (in an age appropriate way) quite some time ago but as a veey mature and smart 9 yr old, i get the feeling she will want to know more soon.

What should I do?

First......don't put a halt to dd expressing displeasure with mom. That is telling dd she can not share her inner thoughts. You can let her vent and give her feelings validation but tell dd that it is okay to vent but that you, as father, feel that she should not let anger envelope her towards her mother. That she ought to know that she can not control mom but be open to any good stuff between them. Mom is not all bad.

Second.....you did tell dd that the marriage did not survive due to mom dating someone else. I don't know what you need to tell dd other than that?


Just attempt to address what is all factual and respectful to all parties AND gives your dd info she needs in her own life and future.

Thanks Reading! I would have to agree with you about her comments concerning mom. I will readdress it with her so that she does know she can talk to me. Great thought!!!

As far as my conversation with DD, she was 7 when I told her and I don't think she understood, especially since her immediate comments afterwards were concerning a toy or game or something along those lines.

What I feel is that she is just now starting to understand it all and will want to know more.

Tell her you respect her feelings and have had many conflicted feelings yourself about the end of the marriage but that you're willing to answer questions or talk to her about it whenever she wants to. I think the important thing is that she fels safe talking to you. Do you know if your WxW bad mouths you?

Wow! More great input! I knew you all wouldn't let me down. I was thinking along this line, JV, but I wasn't sure exactly how truthful I should be about certain things, especially how I felt about it all. If she asks, I will answer.

I do not know if my wxw bad mouths me. I have no clue. I haven't seen or spoke to her since my grandfather died in March. Before that it was June the previous year. DD says nothing about what her mom says about me. We never even mention her.

Excellent parallel parenting.

I never really think of it as parallel parenting. To me, it's almost like having used an eraser. There was once such a thing as me, wife, and daughter. Now it's me and daughter!!!

I don't know what's going on in wxw's life and I don't care to know what's going on in her life.

Tell her the truth. I have a 8 year old daughter and he knows the truth of her moms adultery. Dr Harley advocates telling the truth.
Make it a learning experience so that when our kids are older they will hate adultery