I have been reading thread for the last 3 months.

My story: I suspected my husband might be having an emotional affair in 2008. We have been married for 26 years now, dating for 28 years. I met my husband in 1984 when he was my patient. I am a Cosmetic Dentist. My husband had been married previously and had 2 children, ages 2 and 4. When I met him, he was divorced. His ex wife lived in New York City. He was living in Los Angeles, but visiting his 2 children every 3 months. We got married in 1985 and soon afterward he got custody of his 2 children as he was the more nurturing parent. We were happy and I immediately became a MOM. His ex-wife didn't fight too hard for the children. I adapted and we were happy.

Fast forward 25 years from the time I met my husband... He had started his own Business as a Mechanic. He is brilliant as a mechanic,but not a good business person. He had his own shop and I had my own Dental Practice. Financially his shop was not profitable, so he wanted to close his shop and buy a piece of property to start his own business. Since we were getting closer to retirement and I vetoed the idea unilaterally. For this, he has never forgiven me.

In 2008, I found out thru his actions and texts that he was having an emotional affair with the woman that was showing him potential properites to start his business. She was a professional ice skater, teaching students and also selling real estate on the side. I found out that they were looking at potential real estate properties while on our motorcycle. I immediately confronted my husband and told him that this was not proper.

My husband immediately made me feel that I was just being jealous and there was nothing improper in this. But, since it was bothering me, he agreed to not look at properties with her on our motorcycle.

BW, are you asking him if you should believe that nothing improper happened? If so, you already gave the answer here:

Welcome and I'm so happy you joined us.

Does he still see the OW? Is she married? Who has his affair been exposed to? Did he write her a MC letter?

In 2009, my gut was feeling suspicious. We had gone to Hawaii for a professional meeting and although he hadn't wanted to come with me initially, we had a good time. After a week in Hawaii, while on our way back home, his mood changed in an instant. He became cold and I couldn't figure out why. When I got home, I started searching for an answer. I saw that he had texted this woman, "the real estate agent and professional ice skater". He had texted--"It's my birthday today. Did you get your Iphone?" I realized that he had a relationship with her, but still was too dumb to realize the depths of what was to come.

When I confronted my husband in the spring of 2009, he admitted that he had a friendship with this woman. Of course, I sensed danger and asked him to cut off all ties with her. After some time, he agreed that the relationship was inappropriate and asked me to give him some time to cut if off. My husband collects guns and said to me that he had given her one of his guns and he needed to get it back from her. I was reluctant, but loved my husband and was willing to give him the time and space to make it right.

The other woman is not married and has never been married. She is adopted and her adoptive married are both deceased.

It doesn't sound to me like you got the truth about the relationship. Might be worth his while to take a polygraph test. That would remove your doubts and exonerate him. It would be a win/win. Unless he is hiding something, of course.

For the next 2 years from the spring of 2009 until Dday, July, 12, 2011, I suspected she was in the picture, but had no proof. Occassionally, I would talk to my husband about "Emotional Affairs", but I don't think he bought into this idea without the physical aspects.

BW, a big part of the problem is that your husband has inappropriate boundaries with women. If he has friendships with women, he is just asking for an affair. That is HOW affairs begin. About 50-60% of all marriages experience affairs and they start with opposite sex friendships.

How is it you had no proof? That is very, very odd for a wayward to hide something so well for 2 years. Waywards are typically sloppy and eventually leave evidence. Its not hard to find with some minimal sleuthing.

On July 2, 2011, my husband got up around 4 am. That was not unusual as my husband tends to get up in the middle of the night to eat. I remember that July 2nd was a Saturday morning. The previous night we had a wonderful dinner in Malibu with one of my colleagues and his wife. We had a fun time and I did not "sense" that anything was amiss. When I looked at the clock and it was 5 am and my husband hadn't come back to bed, I got up to look for him.

He was nowhere to be found. All of our cars were there, but I noticed that our motorcycle was missing. Starting at 6 or 7 am, I started calling his cell phone, but the call went straight to his Voice Mail. I knew he had turned his cell phone off.

And where was he?

Melody Lane--for 2 years I so much wanted to believe my husband, I didn't do the sleuthing that I am doing now. He told me that he was getting the gun back and that it was over. She was engaged to someone else. I believed him. At this time, I do believe that that it was surface passion, but I thought it was over.

He came back home at 11:30am and said he had "gone riding with some buddies", but I DID NOT BELIEVE HIM.

I knew in my heart that he was with her. From that moment on, I was snooping on him. He left the trail really easy for me to find. He kept receipts from their "lunch dates". Its almost as if he wanted me to find out.

On July 12, I was leaving for work, but felt that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. As he went into the kitchen to get me some coffee, I looked thru his wallet. I found a receipt for a restaurant in West Hollywood. I knew then that something was wrong. My husband absolutely hates traffic and West Hollywood is in the Middle of traffic in LA, I knew that the real estate broker lived in West Hollywood. I knew he was with her.

I would definitely give him the opportunity to prove it to you by asking him to take a polygraph. It is obvious he was having an affair. Does he still see her?

Do you know how to contact her? You might contact that skank and try to get the information out of her. Tell her you know what happened and would like to hear her side of the story. Before you do that, slip some spyware on his phone and put a VAR in his car so you can hear what is discussed when she calls him up.

I confronted him at 6:30 am. I had patients to see at 7:30am. I couldn't believe this was happenning. I told him to get out of the house and within 5 minutes, I told him not to leave that I could forgive him. I felt as if my life was coming to an end.

So, in July of 2011, I felt my world had ended. I called 2 of my 3 adult children. I really felt that if they talked to their father, all would be good. WRONG! MY 2 sons came over. They are 24 and 31 years old. I overheard them talking to their father. My husband had told them that he had found "his soulmate" and he no longer was "in love" with me. I sensed in my heart that "this couldn't be". My husband and I had a good relationship. Yes, we had our ups and downs, but I had a deep down passion for him and I thought he had the same feeling for me. I asked my husband to see a therapist with me and give our marriage 30 days as he had insinuated to our children that he wanted to leave our family home.

Bottom line is we went to see a counselor that did nothing to help us. My d Day was July 12th and our oldest son was getting married on July 24th. My husband agreed to try and give our Marriage a second chance. That decision was based on surface feelings. We were giving the Rehearsal dinner on July 23rd. I didn't know how we could get thru this. Looking back on this time, I know now he was gaslighting me, but at the time......I had hope

The Rehearsal Dinner was wonderful. It was held about 2 hours from where we live. The morning before we were to drive out of town, he sent the OW a text that he wanted to work it out with me and please to give us the time and space that we needed. I was happy and hopeful as he did this without me asking him. The Wedding was a mixture of ups and downs. Of course, I was walking on eggshells and truly did not believe anything he said, although I was hopeful.

During this time, I still did not know about MB, but I did have the sense to be suspicious of anything he said. We are Catholic and my husband goes to Mass every Sunday. During this time, he was going to Mass every Sunday and sometimes going to Church EVERY DAY. I couldn't understand how this could be possible. How could he be going to Church and receiving Communion when you couldnt receive Communion when you had a Mortal sin and Adultery is a mortal sin.

The bottom line is during this time when I was walking on eggshells, not knowing where my Husband stood, my Husband was wanting both of us (the Skank and ME!) I made the mistaken assumption that all was relatively well because he was home every night and we were making love every night. For myself, I knew that I could not make love to him and have feelings for someone else, but that was not how he felt..... My husband was an independent contractor and had lots of free time. We carpooled together. He would drop me off at work at 7am. I usually worked til 6 pm Mon-Thurs. Little did I know that she was happy having him during the day when I was working. He was lukewarm at night so I actually thought he was on track to fix our marriage.