Dear all,
Is receiving phone calls included in the "undivided attention" concept? I believe that when you schedule time for undivided attention, and you receive non-urgent phone calls, you should either not answer or simply answer and say "I�ll get back to you later". But my b/f believes that he should answer any call. I really think that answering a phone call during dinner, for example, while seated at the table, is bad manners, unless it's urgent. Please help. We both read "his needs, her needs" and we would really benefit from an "official" interpretation of the undivided attention aspect and the phone calls. Thanks so much.

lost, if he's giving his attention to the phone instead of to you, how could it possibly be called "undivided attention"? It's inherit in the name "undivided attention" that during that time you give each other your undivided attention. If you divide your attention between your spouse and your phone, then it's divided attention, not undivided attention.

But really, the thing to do is to let your boyfriend know that you need him to give you his attention in a different way. Have you read about the Policy of Joint Agreement? You have to both be enthusiastic about what you are doing in order for your relationship to work. Taking calls when your spouse doesn't want you to take calls is a violation of the policy of joint agreement. In other words, even without any other Marriage Builders commentary on the matter, if your spouse doesn't want you taking phone calls, then it would be thoughtless of you to do so, undivided attention or not.

Of course, since he's your boyfriend and not your husband, there's nothing that says that he has to give you this level of care and thoughtfulness, and he may not be ready to do that, yet. But if he's not interested in being that caring and thoughtful, it may be time to move on.

It's not UA if he isn't giving you the attention. Dates are supposed to be undivided.
The Policy of UA

Do you have Dr. Harley's book "I Promise You" and "Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders"?

My husband views that as a lovebuster and becomes very offended when I take calls during our UA time. It can ruin an entire evening! So if you are offended by that, make sure he knows it so he can stop doing it. I turn my phone off when we are out.

I'm offended by other people's spouses taking phone calls when we've invited them out somewhere! We've taken several couples out to dinner (our treat) where the guys thought nothing of answering their phones and walking away from the table. None of them on-call emergency medics, either. Hello??? People are too connected to their phones, in general. If he continues to put whoever is on the phone above you, after making it clear that you are offended by this behavior, consider moving on.