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Nope. All. Dry true. Only one that changed is that he doesn't want a divorce. He wants our marriage On what conditions do you want this marriage?
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Nope. All. Dry true. Only one that changed is that he doesn't want a divorce. He wants our marriage On what conditions do you want this marriage? He's wanted adultery and incest too.
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Nope. All. All true. Only one that changed is that he doesn't want a divorce. He wants our marriage Yes, we all want good things that cost us nothing, even if they cost other people dearly.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Can anyone recommend any good books that you may think would be good for him to read? While he is wayward? No, I can't think of any. I've got some good ones for him when he's ready to repair your marriage, though. 
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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He does want to repair. I don't know if I can though. Every time we talk about fixing things all he thinks about is fixing the sex problem between us. I told him there are bigger issues that need to get healed and fixed before any sex issue. Fix those and then the sex issues will follow. I'm so frustrated.
Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June
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He does want to repair. I don't know if I can though. Every time we talk about fixing things all he thinks about is fixing the sex problem between us. I told him there are bigger issues that need to get healed and fixed before any sex issue. Fix those and then the sex issues will follow. I'm so frustrated. All of those issues get fixed together in the Marriage Builders program, but of course, he has to protect your marriage first by taking extraordinary precautions to guarantee he will be faithful. That's the first step in the program. If he wants to follow the program, then yes, you guys will get to fix the sex problems.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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all he thinks about is fixing the sex problem between us. Have you ever explained to him about the LOVE BANK theory? Here is what I recommend. Go to the questionnaires portion of this site & print out the LOVE BUSTERS for both of you. Tell him you want his participation. Download the parts for both husband and wife. *** LINK HERE *** <~~~ One for wife and one for husbandTell WH he has one day to finish his portion. You too. Then, exchange your answers and do not discuss for another 24 hours. Then, set a one hour time for discussion. Another hour the following day. And so on. Discuss it daily for one hour until you are satisfied he understands. Pretty simple. Pretty easy. Not too demanding. Not threatening. If he fails to do this simple task to restore your love for him ... he has failed the "is he recovery material" test. He gets the boot. And, you will have your answer. Like it or not.
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Dr Harley writes: The results of these questionnaires will help you understand the pain and unhappiness that�s created in your marriage. When you cause your spouse emotional pain, you not only withdraw love units, but you encourage your spouse to build emotional defenses that make him/her withdraw from you. Those emotional defenses prevent you from depositing love units to make up for the loss. In other words, when your spouse has withdrawn emotionally from you, he/she won�t let you meet his/her emotional needs. It�s only when you overcome Love Busters that the emotional barrier is removed and you�re in a position to meet your spouse�s emotional needs. That�s why your Love Busters should be eliminated before you learn to meet each other�s needs. That�s the goal of the third step to romantic love. Frenchie, WH cannot possibly expect you to be in love with him while he is still love-busting.
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Frenchie, if WH displays any arrogance or becomes irked by your request he learn about and fix his love-busters, PLEASE, stop the exercise, and post here. You should not force him, EVER. If he needs to be forced, he gets ~~~> THE BOOT !
WH should be grateful he's even getting a chance to sit next to you, much less insert his penis inside of you because he wants to. Remember, Frenchie, him sitting next to you is a privilege at this point. A freaking privilege.
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Here is a radio show where Dr. Harley explains the path for men to get their sexual needs met in marriage: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=68There is something about romantic love that creates a special incentive to do the things that the other person needs. So a man and a woman that are in love with each other romantically -- which this person doesn't seem to value (not yet, we hope he'll get there, yes) -- if they're in love with each other romantically, your emotions kick in and encourage you to do things that you might not need yourself.
Woman become far more sexually oriented when they are in love. They are more interested in helping them out domestically; they are more interested in looking better for him. They are more interested in going to football games along with him and participating in his recreational activities.
And men, when they're in love, they're more interested in talking to her for hours at a time, to being affectionate with her; they are interested in being more honest and open. In other words, they are more interested in meeting each other's needs when they're in love.
So, the point of my seminars, and the books that I write, says, look: being in love is a big deal. It'll make your relationship really move along, and be very, very, very good for you, and all of his "utility needs" end up being met in a relationship where there is mutual love
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Frenchie, if WH displays any arrogance or becomes irked by your request he learn about and fix his love-busters, PLEASE, stop the exercise, and post here. You should not force him, EVER. If he needs to be forced, he gets ~~~> THE BOOT !
WH should be grateful he's even getting a chance to sit next to you, much less insert his penis inside of you because he wants to. Remember, Frenchie, him sitting next to you is a privilege at this point. A freaking privilege.
I felt this need to be posted again and in a larger print so it is not over looked. Excellent post.
"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
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I felt this need to be posted again and in a larger print so it is not over looked. Excellent post. Ha! Thanks. I think Frenchie feels she needs to give her sad-excuse-for-a-man-WH one more chance. Which is why Frenchie can offer to do the Love-Busters exercise with him. At a leisurely pace. If he is not thrilled to death at having this (LAST) chance to learn how to make her happy, then ~~~> the boot ! Frenchie, you are giving this man a chance he does NOT deserve. It is your right to offer that *grace* to him. You are not obligated to try at all.
You are certainly not being advised to make more efforts than he is willing to (gratefully) make.
I will be surprised if Frenchie's WH is up to the simplest of tasks. We'll see. But, I offered this because I think Frenchie needs to know she tried everything.
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And some of us have given chance after chance after chance after chance after chance after chance and then more chances.....way more than the WS EVER deserved......then able to walk away guilt free that "hey, at least I tried and tried and tried and tried....then i tried some more".
It is not necessary to do this over and over. Save yourself sometime and if you do allow to give a chance, make it only 1.
"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
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Thanks everyone. I will have him do it. But to be honest I don't know if I have it in me to even try to work it out. I think that too much damage has been done. Sometimes I wish I didn't feel like that and that I could fall back in love with him like before but I don't really know if it's possible after all he's done. All he cares about talking about and fixing is the "sex" and I'm not interested at all.
Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June
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Frenchie, you could give WH the BOOT today.
We will all applauded that decision.
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Your husband reminds me of my aunts husband. She was married for 30 or so years. She never saw one Of his paychecks.
He spent his pay on escorts. She later found a "black book" listing the girls, their contact info and the various sex acts they were good at.
She divorced him, but recently took him back.
Whatever you know about your husband, it's probably a 100 times worse.
I would divorce the worthless as addict.
If in doubt call the Marriage builders radio show and ask the Doctor if a lifelon sex addict can change.
I'm very sorry.
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The thing with your husband is that he is an ADDICT.
Dr. Harley says that persons in affairs have ejaviors SIMILAR to addicts. However your husband actually IS an addict.
He will feed his addiction before you, his kids and himself.
Addictions are progressive and it will get worse and worse.
As his spouse you can either enable his addiction or help him by making him FACE the natural consequences of his addiction.
You cannot argue morality with an addict. He is probably very ashamed of his own behavior. He is powerless over his addiction.
You are also powerless over his addiction.
There is a group called Sex Addicts Anonymous. Tey use the same 12 step program that AA and Al Anon use. The first step is to admit that you are POWERLESS over your husbands addictions.
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He needs to deal with his issues all on his own, without you in the picture. You need to heal all on your own, without him in the picture.
Once you have two healthy pictures, then and only then should you even start thinking about making a composite image.
A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb Neak's Story
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If he doesn't show up to court will they still go forward with it? He refuses to go.
Me:BW 41
Serial cheater WH:44
Married for 21 years together 22
5 one time cheats,then
10 times with prostitutes
one night stand that turned 6 mo affair resulted in child 1992-1993
3 mo EA with half sister 3/2011 to 08/2011
they were physical 3 times in June
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