WH responded to my friend's email. She didn't say anything about it for a couple of days, but sent it to me tonight:

I wasn�t planning on responding to your e-mail. �I don�t need to justify myself to you. �First off I�m not sure why you are judging me. �You don�t know me well enough to judge me. �You don�t even know BW and I�s relationship well enough to judge. �You have spent a total or 4 or 5 hours with the two of us together. �I don�t know you well enough to judge you, or your husband, so I�d never judge either one of you. �You both seem like nice people, but again I don�t know either of you enough to ever judge either one of you.

Do you think I�m having fun right now. �This whole [censored] thing sucks. Do you think I wanted to be getting a divorce 5 years into my marriage. �Do you think I want to be staying with a friend and sleeping on a futon. �Do you think I want to be away from our house. �Do you think I want to be away from our dogs, which I love and adore, they are my kids. �BS and �I were supposed to be together for the rest of our lives. �What happened to us I wish I knew. �Was it her, was it me, or was it both of us. �I don�t know, sometimes we change. �Would I change how this all went down if I could do it again, of course I would. �It�s hard to tell someone you really care about that you might not be in love with them anymore. �Try thinking about that for just a second. �You don�t want to believe it, you think that felling is temporary and it will go way, but then it doesn�t or it does, but keeps coming back. �If I could turn back time and try to go through counseling sooner, I�d jump at the chance in a heart beat. �Maybe things would be different right now.

I don�t think of my time with BW was wasted time. �Many of our 9 years together were great years. �We were in love and having a good time together, enjoying each other. �So they were not wasted.

I pulled a quote from your original e-mail to me. ��But I felt it might be helpful if I told you the same thing I told BW.....be careful of who you listen to in this daunting and painful process. No one else is in your marriage. Those who are quick to jump to a conclusion or tell you what to do will not feel your heartache in the aftermath. � �I don�t feel BW took your advice, and I wish she had. �I�m not sure where BW got some of her idea�s from during this time, but some of them were not good ones, and my reactions to those idea�s probably made things worse.

Remember there are two sides to every story, and you are only receiving half the story. �The truth is to this day, to this hour, to this minute, I have not had sex with anyone besides BW since the day we started dating. �I know BW does not believe that, and I�m sure she has told you, and may other people different, but that is the truth. �I swear on my Grandmothers grave. �Have I made mistakes, yes. �I pulled a quote from your original e-mail to me. �And one more thing....you are not a bad person. That old saying "everyone makes mistakes" is an old saying for a reason. You're a good man, WS.� �You said this yourself!

I�m not perfect, and I will never be perfect just like every other person walking this earth. �I�m still seeing my counselor, and I have been going to church again now for about 6 to 7 weeks. �I�m not saying I found God or anything like that, but there are some good messages to be taken from church each week. �I hope in the long run I just become a little bit better of a person. �I�m sorry you feel the way you do towards me, but that is your opinion and you have the right to it.

I wish the best to you and your family, and happy long lives together.

Ridiculous.

He is being a bully. He is being an a*S.

Wayward nutcase.

Thank you so much for your response. I agree with you!!!

What is up with these WS's???

starfish, change the locks! *you* have received no letter; it's probably crap. you need safety and security. he can (might) take you to court, where you can air all his dirty laundry, including that he just wants access to take stuff. are you strong enough to do this? c'mon girl, don't let him move back in! plus, you have the email! where on earth does he say he loves you? where does he say he wants to repair the marriage? nowhere. and he's told *you* he only wants to be there for the dogs??? i'd like to see how that flies in court. wayward babble and bs. hang in there, star.

What is your lawyer doing Starfish!

Change those locks and be safe, honey.

Dont wait for legal approval. As you can see that approach is not working. Give a wayward an inch and they'll take a mile.

That great big 'whah mommy, where's my cake' letter he wrote your friend scares me.

He is NOT safe and cannot be trusted.

Tell your lawyer you do not feel safe or have privacy in your own home.

Tell her you expect her to deal with it or you will find someone who will.

If he broke your agreement about giving notice, then surely there is some penalty for that?

If he shows up again, call the cops and have your neighbour call you at work so you can call the cops on him.

I though your property was secured with deadbolts and a kwikkey - so how would he get in?

Does he really think he can sleep with multiple skanks and still enjoy Sunday brunch with you and the dogs?

Mr Wayward needs a reality check.

You have some pretty GIANT holes in your Plan B, what are you going to do to fix them? Not fixing them is leaving you in Plan C.

If your WH decides he is going to move in, are you able to move out? Sometimes, the BS needs to move out to enter into a true Plan B. Fight to stay in the house, but have an option ready.

I'm not going to comment on his message to you, or your friend, because had you been in a true Plan B, you wouldn't have known about either one.

If you have a kwikset Smart key, just have it changed to another key.

If you have one.....he could have given you notice as he legally wrangled and had it keyed to his key in 30 seconds and then when he had come and gone with notice, you set it back.

People.......check out the Kwikset Smartkey.......(google it). Once a knob is installed, any adult/child can use the special little metal key setter to change keys back and forth in moments.

Anyway.

You must tell your lawyer that you do not feel safe. That WH did not give you notice and this is NOT acceptable. That no human being could live with this very frightening invasion of privacy and security.

Change the keying.

Enough.

And for crying out loud (I almost am....), if he must get in....he MUST GIVE NOTICE.

I agree, but it will not have really affected her Plan B peace because she doesnt have any. He's in her home, that needs to stop yesterday!

He's out of town until Wednesday, so I'm going to call my lawyer on Monday to see what can be done to help me. Our mediation isn't until Mid-September, so until there is a decision on division of assets, I would have nothing if I moved out of the house.

so...change the locks! star, you can see we're all horrified for you. you have to protect yourself.

He's not in the home now, but you're right... I don't want him there!!!
I'll see about changing the locks once again! I should've never given him a key... I was doing what my attorney said to do, because she said that he could change the locks on me if I didn't give him a key. I was scared, but now he has access whenever he wants and he's not giving a notice as he promised. I should've know better than to believe a promise from a wayward! Thank you all for giving me advice and caring so much.

If he was really serious about recovering his M his actions would show.

He's very wayward and waywards are entitled.

He is just tired of sleeping on his friend's futon. Every time you have a break in Plan B, look what happens to you? Have you been trying to stay focused and look for another job?

I don't believe you will truly begin to heal until you're away from his drama and completely dark. I think you're hoping with each little contact or break in Plan B he has changed.

If you reset the kwikkey - isn't that as good as changing the locks?

Do that ASAP.

A wayward that claims to be going out of town isn't necessarily speaking truth.

He wants back in and he may be trying to lower your vigilance

also, i think it's unlikely that a locksmith would change the locks for him if he can't get in in the first place. just a stray thought.

hang in there, star. you've come so far, and now it's nitty-gritty time. hang on!

Indie, I only have that one type of lock on the front door. The other three deadbolts can't be changed without a locksmith.

star, if you have a #2 Phillips screwdriver and can read, you can change these deadbolts yourself. It's not that difficult at all. You don't need a locksmith for that. There are only four screws involved (perhaps six if the strike plate has to be replaced). Two on the interior and two on the edge of the door that slides into the strike plate on the door jamb. If you want to try it yourself, just shout out and I'll walk you through it step by step as you do it. I'll keep an eye out for you. You can get them from Lowe's or Home Depot for probably less than 20 bucks each.

It's a VERY basic DIY job. Let me know if I can help. If you do go to buy them before reaching out for assistance, if there is ANY glass in the doors that you are putting the locks in make sure you get a double cylinder lock. What that means is that you have to use a key to open it from the inside and outside. If no glass, single cylinder will be fine as it has a knob on the inside to open instead of a key.

Hope this helps, and thinking of you!

If TW can walk you through it, that would be great.

My advice? I changed my locks 3 days ago. Cost 60$, the locksmith came and did it in less than an hour. I had asked my manager and a carpenter friend beforehand if it was easy to change; they said it's too complicated, and from looking at the locksmith as he worked, I have to agree.

jah, you're a doc, not a DIYer. It's a VERY simple job. Those guys make things look harder than they are to justify their charges. It's BS. I could literally change a deadbolt with my eyes closed.

No, I'm a DIYer. I've built shelves and cabinets, and a small simple outdoor greenhouse from scratch. But you're right, I don't touch mechanical stuffs.

I think it's wonderful that you are willing to walk her through it step by step.

That's what we try to do here partner. Help any way we can.