thank you so much! this looks excellent. this is great assignment and should really help me to organize my thoughts on all this. i do have a bad habit of going on for too long.

Tell us what Dr. Harley says.

hey mamansita,
I was busy over the weekend but I caught up so I have a few thoughts.
First, you keyed in on one of the dangerous aspects of separation and that is why I believe Dr. Harley recommends separation (e.g. plan B) as a last resort and even cautions that it is extreme but usually less extreme than the circumstances of overt adultery happening (which can cause severe anguish and mental/physical trauma to the betrayed).

EXCEPT in the event of verbal/physical abuse -- these are more dangerous than the pain of risking the perpetrator dallying into affairland or just having a vacation from the responsibilities of home.

I don't know if I mentioned it before on this thread but I used to have a considerable problem with AO's (before I knew of MB and had no idea what it really was - I just blamed it on my genes; "Irish Temper"). I attended Anger Management class once because I put a hole in my wall at home (nobody was home at the time). I thought the class would help, and it did a little.
But I still had OA's once in a while and would lose my temper with the kids. Nothing had more of a positive and influential affect on me than reading I did here about AO's. Dr. Harley makes it so clear and logical the damage that is done with even something like raising a voice when you're the man in the family.

do you know who else had a AO problem? Dr. Harley. He has talked about it a lot. And since he's a doctor/scientist if you will, he broke it down and studied it to get a handle on it and learn to control it. He now uses a sort of biofeedback to control temper. He acknowledges the physiological aspects of the situation (adrenaline, etc.).

I would encourage your husband, if he is truly interested in leaning how to not UNDO the love he has built up with you and the kids by LBing, to listen to as much MB radio as he can; Dr. Harley in my view is an inspiration for how to calmly carry oneself through stressful situations -- it comes through in the show itself.

Maybe brainy can come up with some clips where Dr. Harley talks about his OWN anger management techniques.

Also, obviously there are plenty of readings here by Dr. Harley himself regardign AO's, DJ's, and lovebusters. So if he's not interested in what we have to say (which is understandable), he could get it directly from the source!

Good luck, hang in.

opt

Yes opt I do.

Dr. Harley talks about is own issues with anger in here.
Anger Mgmt 101

thank you for the great posts. this is really helpful information and it looks like we came to the right spot. dr. harley is right in that you can tell when you are about to lose your temper there are certain biological things that happens. the more we can become aware of when its starting to happen, the easier it is nip an angry outburst in the bud. BEFORE you turn into the hulk. i think my husband was inspired by that last post and i am very thankful for it. i left it up for him to read and we had a nice conversation about how important it is for us to learn how to do this so we can have a peaceful home and teach our kids how to have healthy relationships and families. we have a lot going for us! we are definitely making a lot of progress from 2 years ago!
i am working on my letter to the dr.harley. would you like to see it here before i send it off? i truly do appreciate your words of encouragement and support! thank you so much!

and i am glad dr. harley makes it so clear how a man raising his voice or using sarcasm can have devestating affects on his wife and kids. even if they dont think it is a big thing, it is to their kids. my husband has more affect on us than i think he ever thought he would have on any one. its important for him to see that.

Yes post your letter here.

will do. it will probably be ready be tomorrow morning. me and the dh are going to ziggy marley show tonite. date night!

Enjoy and have fun.