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Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 2
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 2 |
I have been reading Dr. Harley's books and I have a question that I haven't been able to figure out the answer to.
My husband has a long history of sharing way more about our relationship than I am comfortable with, with a rather wide array of his friends. I mean everything from minor irritations between us as a couple to PBS-documentary-level details of our sex life. It's the sharing of sexual details that I find most bothersome. A few of his buddies are no more discreet than he is, so often details regarding our sexual habits become topics of gossip. I'm not a prude, but I do feel less comfortable sharing a mutually fulfilling sexual relationship with him when I know that every detail will be shared with people I see socially and professionally in the normal course of my life. It's just awkward and embarrassing.
My question is this: what love buster category would cover this behavior? It feels disrespectful to me, but it's not a disrespectful judgement, per se. It's dishonest, I suppose, because he doesn't let me know he's sharing these details about our relationship. It just feels like something that should be so obviously out of bounds that I'm a bit stumped as to how to effectively address it with somone who clearly does not think it's out of bounds at all. I want to identify the problem I have with this behavior in the context of our discussion of love busters (without veering into disrespectful judgements , demands or angry outbursts of my own) and am just not sure where it really fits.
Last edited by Rowan; 07/03/12 12:13 PM.
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3
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Member
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 7,362 Likes: 3 |
It's Independent Behavior.
It's the failure to follow the Policy of Joint Agreement.
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Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 2
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 2 |
Ah, thanks!
I guess I was just thinking of it in terms of it being disrespectful rather than as an independent behavior.
Last edited by Rowan; 07/03/12 02:59 PM.
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,820 Likes: 7
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Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,820 Likes: 7 |
Most Love Busters are disrespectful in nature, when it comes down to it, but in this case the important principle to focus on is the Policy of Joint Agreement. If the POJA is being violated, it's Independent Behavior.
Has your husband seen the Marriage Builders concepts?
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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