Ceecee,<BR>Hitting the pit is ugly. Find something that pushes your funny button--whether it is dancing with your daughter, making funny faces with her, finger paints, slathering your face with heavy makeup (just in case you need a disguise...?)<P>Last week I found a Halloween prop that does it for me. It is a 8" rat that plays "Wild Thing" and dances while it mouths the words. I'm keeping it on the kitchen counter, every time I pass I make it play. I automatically begin dancing. Stupid, sure, but feeling like "wild thing" is miles ahead of those other negatives images that pop into my brain.<P>One evening my youngest daughter watched me dance and sing (to the rat, mind you). She says, "Mother, I'm going to need some therapy now." I said "OK, but now you must dance." So we both danced and giggled. <P>Of course I realize that an 11 year old dancing with her mother to a rat singin is not going to obliviate the need for therapy... <P>Life is out there, Ceecee.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P>

ceece<BR>WOW is sounds like your H dosen't like himself much and has been running his whole life trying to find happiness. You are # 3 or 4 as airheart said. Somebody needs to tell him he needs to search within himself although he sure dosen't sound like he wants to hear that! Good Luch and hang in thier.

Thank you all so much. You have no idea what your support means to me.<P>I have to start at square one again. Today was quite a day. Oh well. I am not going to let one person control and manipulate and ruin my life. He is trying, and it has been working. But, I will conquer this. I don't know when, but I will conquer this.<P>You are all right when you say that he is the one that is in desperate need of help. I was truly hoping that this time he would come to realize his problems and let me help him work them out. Nope, he just keeps running.<P>Well, I am changing my thought process now. I am no longer looking at saving my marriage, but saving my sanity. I am not going to let him keep doing this to me. I have tried and tried to be fair and reasonable. Yes, I need to be flexible w/ our d, but I certainly don't need to talk to him and let him 'get to me'. I believe in the beauty and committment of marriage. However, I have now realized that there are more important things than trying to save a sinking marriage, when you spouse is the anchor. I am letting go of the anchor and he can drown himself. <BR>I, at this very moment, am making a pact w/ myself. I will not talk to him. I will not let him push my buttons. I will not let him for one more moment treat me with this blatant disrespect.<BR>I am far more important to be treated like this. I am good person. I know that. I deserve much better than I have gotten from him.<BR>Again, Thank you ALL for your continued support, and prayers. I don't know what I would do w/o you.<P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl<P>PS. BTW, I'm #3!!!!<BR>PSS. Connie, I am e-mailing you. <BR>

Stay strong and learn to let go, it's not easy but it will happen. Over time you will find happiness with yourself and your child.<P>Your world must become your child, dig deep you were once happy with yourself long before you met him, look for that. Time is your friend

Along the lines of Lor, use your children as natural anti-depressants. While my young kids absolutely drive me nuts sometimes, they also know when to love me/pamper me when I'm feeling down. Volunteer some time at an elderly center, along with your kids, start a new tradition with your children/child (I began Disco Night which they love). When my children talk about what they do with me, my H is jealous of our fun times. I get a slight pleasure over this. Fun stuff doesn't have to be expensive. Paint pictures on rocks with your daughter, take a drive to the beach in the middle of winter, paint toenails blue....

Hi CeeCee -<P>I've had thoughts of you since last nite and am just checking in to see how you are. Did you and D do something fun?<P>You are going to get through this!!<P>Just remember - he can try to push buttons, show disrespect, argue, etc. - but if you don't feed into it...he's playing by himself!!!!<P>We Love Ya!!! BIG HUGS<P>Sheba<P>PS - Get that SAGE yet!!! LOL!!

Cheryl,<P>I don't know what to say except I have been there and it happened to me when I was 17 too. <P>You will survive this and I am headed to the mantle to light a candle for you.<P>Dear Lord, Please take care of CeeCee/Cheryl. Keep her safe. Amen.<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

ceecee,<P>You need to get control of yourself. He is not your life, he was only one aspect of your life. He cannot manipulate or control you, unless you allow yourself to be manipulated or controlled.<P>He is winning because you are letting him rob you of your happiness. Listen to what andy said he is right. I can see the legal end of it, and child support, but I cant see him roping you in.<P>He is saying he did not have any happiness with you, I dont know how long you were married, but it was HIS responsibility to communicate the unhappiness to you without going outside the marriage.<P>He is using anything he could to hurt you, but dont let him, remember anger and guilt cannot co-exist.

Thank you all for your responses. You are all gifts from God to me. You will never know how much you all mean to me.<P>Well, things just get brighter and brighter for me. I quit my job today-sorta. i got very upset-talked to h this morning. he told me i belonged in an institition. That I wasn't being any good to anyone, esp. our d. So, I tell my super what is happening and she agrees that maybe I do need some help.<BR>I lost it. I told her that I didn't belong here, or anywhere for that matter and I left.<BR>Well, the good news- i guess- is that I recovered pretty quickly. I called my super and asked if I could come back to work-if I still had a job. She said, ok, but that the the bosses wanted to talk to me.<BR>so, I get a lashing for what I did (yes, I deserved it) and was told not to bring my problems to work anymore. They said they already knew to much and that it wasn't helping the situation for the company.<P>So, can someone PLEASE tell me, how in the hell you can seperated all the aspects of your life into neat little compartments. My life is my life. Everything that I do and that I am, is my life.<BR>I realize that when I am at work, I need to be professional. No problem. However, if something or someone sets my mood the wrong way, and I happen to be at work, well, what do you do? Ignore it. Sorry, not how I operate. Cry? ok, but then what. I;m still bringing it to work.<BR>God, I have a headache. I as getting pretty sick of all the SH*T.<BR>I need the aliens to come and get me.<P><BR>Cheryl

Well, one alien in particular is getting to you pretty good!! Why did he call you there? When we talked earlier, you were doing so well.<P>Look, Cheryl, you DO need to see a doctor. Go get some meds to help you level out a little bit and deal with this jerk, OK? And don't take any more calls from him. NONE, NADA, ZERO!!!!!!!<P>It doesn't mean you're crazy. It just means you've been through hell and you need a break. We're all only human and there's only so much stress we can take. For yourself, for Emma. <P>You can't control him and his )&^%^$^)(*& ways, but you can try to take care of you.<P>Please, Cheryl. You've got to do this. Don't waste another day. Take a couple of days off work. Spend time with Emma, rest and GO TO THE DOCTOR!!!<P>Luv Ya,<P>Lori<BR>

Yes, I agree with Lori. There is no shame in going to a psychiatrist and taking anti-dep meds. <P>I'll agree that it's difficult to contain your personal life. I remember, when I was in the worst depths of my depression, just crying at my desk. But whenever I had to interact with someone, I had to somehow pull myself back together and act like nothing was going on. It was extremely hard, and I walked through many of those days in a haze not really knowing what I was doing. It wasn't a matter of ignoring the problems or feelings, but it was sorta like putting on another face just for the work people to see.<P>--andy

Hi guys,<P>Just to let you know, I am taking the rest of the week off of work. I am going to see my doctor in the morning and.....<BR>I am going out tonight. Am going to see Elton John in concert with a friend from work (no it's not a date)<BR>So, just know that I am ok, and thank you all for your wonderful concern.<BR>I am living my life for me now. Poo Poo on my STBX H!!!<P>I love you guys,<P>Cheryl

Good good good good good.<P>Wonderful. You are the responsible one, and this is a responsible decision. <P>Time to take care of you, and let pooh pooh stbx stay away from you taking care of you.<P>