Sorry Car for your pain. I hope the goes back up very soon.

Your father sounds like a wonderful, lovingly man and cares dearly for his darling daughter.


to you, my friend.

Sounds like a really difficult thing! But at least it's over now. Don't stress about the breaks in your plan B...just get passed it all.

Will the wedding gifts be triggers for you? Mine were from my first marriage but it's faded enough to not bother me anymore. So they were stored at my grandma's for many years.

Sorry for your pain, Caracal! Hope you are getting better today!

Thanks BH, Jen and Estrela.

BH, you're right. My father cares for me deeply. I am very blessed to have the family and friends I do.

Jen, I am trying to get past as many Plan B breaks right now as I can. Rushing through them, ripping the bandaid off as I know it needs to be done and I want to do it sooner rather than later.

Sooo, an update from me. Still pretty low on the coaster given my Plan B breaks.

Just when I started to recover from the Plan B breaks by clearing out marital possessions, Gollum sent a solicitor note. He is not happy about my having entered our storage. He has accused me and my father of trespassing on his friend's property and not acting "amicably". I tailspinned for the day after reading this, questioning if I was right to act this way.

Gollum still has the power to gaslight me, thank God for Plan B. With MB wisdom, and a bit of time, I can see it for what it is. Gollum does not like me challenging him or his feeling powerless. He has accused me of taking family heirlooms from our storage. This is an outright lie. I suspect he is trying to sling mud to make himself feel better. Also, he has still not produced any receipts for having "sold" marital assets under market value. So he is also likely using my taking items to deflect from his inability to provide these receipts.

I have been trying to contact his friend (our best man) regarding the allegation my father and I trespassed since we obtained permission from the friend's father (who is actually the land owner). I think he is avoiding my calls. Maybe I will try to ring from another number.

I also encountered another vulture last night. This one was much more forthright. Asked me to go to his place for lunch today, gave me his number, address and directions. Wanted to give me a lift home (which I politely declined). Sent me a FB friend request the same night. I sent him a FB message today declining the invitation, and did not accept his friend request. I hope he will get the hint. But I doubt it. I came home and felt so angry with Gollum for exposing me to this. As much as I miss having a relationship, I resent having to prepare myself for dating. I am married and I intended to marry for life. Even though I uphold my vows, I no longer really value them. I seem to just to it for my own sake. Not his. I'm glad of this, I think it is progress.

Another downer at this party, a friend of Gollum's and mine (although no longer in contact with Gollum) told me he visited one of Gollum's favourite uncles recently. This uncle (who I did not expose to) was aware of our separation. But did not mention the reasons. This man is so lovely, I hope he has the truth. Initially I was tempted to visit him and tell him. But I realise this is no longer my battle to fight. I will leave Gollum to his dishonesty and adultery. Let him be. I did the best I could at the time.

I have had some hurdles this last week with finance for the house. It is still not assured, some unexpected hiccups. I should know more tomorrow. I am determined to get this finance regardless. I WILL. Nothing is going to stop me, even if I have to get a second job.

A brighter note, tomorrow is my gallery appointment. Whooo Hoooo!

Hey Caracal, so sorry your rollercoaster keeps going down. Things will turn around.

You said you obtained permission from the friend's father (who is actually the land owner). Were you able to get that in writing? You should probably do that from now on, that will help cover any ridiculous accusations from your WH.

Also, cell phones are great in that they all have cameras now. What about taking a few pictures of the storage unit before you go in, take pictures of what it looks like afterwards, and some pictures of the things you take out. It can't hurt, and it takes only a few seconds. It might be useful at a later time.

I've never heard the term 'vulture' before. Is that people who try to date betrayed spouses while they are still married? Terrible!

Okay, I hope things get better. Keep your head up!

Dang wayturds sucked.

Sorry Gollum is still blind by his "precious".

What can you do to fill those cracks?

Good job on dodging the vulture. Good job on keeping those boundaries high. When a wayturd throws crap it's hard not to avoid the after effect and not fall into a RA.

Stay strong, my friend.

No, I didn't get it in writing. And my father (and the friend's father) are too old school for this anyways. I have decided if I can't get hold of the "best man" tomorrow, I will ring his father, the land owner who originally gave his permission. My father is FURIOUS that WH is trying to drag his name into the mud when we have acted honourably. My father has wanted to contact WH to challenge him on his accusations. I told him to wait at this point given our messy property settlement... I think this is right? I think Gollum desperately wants validation that I am the enemy. So he can feel better about his behaviour.

Didn't do this. I had the camera ready in case the assets he claims he has sold were there, but he had removed them already. And removed the key. He is so annoyed that I changed the lock (because I had to use the boltcutters given he had removed the secret key). It is all a wayward nonsense. I know that. I removed so many of our joint property that there was no point in photos. I left several boxes of his heirlooms, not thinking he would challenge on this. Actually, the only reason he would challenge is because his thinking is so paranoid based on is own poor morals (why would I take his family belongings? Although he is selling my personal belongings for his own gain...), or he thinks I would take his "heirlooms" from his beloved OC..., or he wants to divert attention off his inability to provide evidence about his "selling" marital assets.

I believe it is the last. Gollum is trying to take my focus off the real issues by throwing blame on me in any way he can.

Just buzzing through, but I wanted to let you know that, as always, I'm reading, and twitching to find Gollum and kick his a@$.



Fill up those cracks, and get into a dark Plan B. You know the blanket of protection that it provides. And I would go a step further with vulture, and block him on FB. What a $*@&

I hope this is his 'last gasp' of desperation, and that he will give up his senselessness soon. But who knows? Stay strong.

It's good to know about vultures; I need to keep my gun handy in case I see any!

Thanks BH.

Boundaries are high. Although this latest assault... I realised I am longing for attention. Gratefully, I am still MB and logcal, and determined to stay so.

As for Gollum... I think I see him for what he is.

I haven't wanted to mention this in case I am wrong and just buying the kool-aid Gollum is selling.

But... maybe Karma is already on its way.

Gollum did lose his job and was evicted by the employer who always welcomed the two of us back over 10+ years. I suspect this employer did not like Horse Ho over the year, or Gollum's new personality was showing through. Regardless, I suspect that Gollum has invested and is self-employed (he strongly maintains with my solicitor that he is unemployed since March?). I don't believe this. I think they have started a business. Whatever, he is trying to support Horse Ho who can no longer work given OC is on it way. He is clearly not earning much. They are living in a caravan.

So... he has gone through 75% of his savings (although this may be invested in Horse Ho?), has 15% left in Aus that I am aruging over as partially mine, has a baby on the way with a 21-year-old who will be unable to work for some time.... hmmmm. Good luck to them.

Sadly, they are probably in a better financial position them I am.

But I have no responsibilities of my own choosing. I will NOT drag another person into this mess.

And I am starting to have hope that Karma takes it time... but it does strike. I think it might be lining Gollum up....

Can you get alimony?

Also, if he is working and is lying that he's unemployed, will this help you if you can prove it?

Caracal, you sound like you're doing AMAZING.

Some Plan B breaks are necessary to stand up for yourself and what's yours. You're rocking it.

(Jah, vultures are EVERYWHERE. I started a thread about it! Will link it when I'm on a proper computer)

BH, thanks, I'll follow this up with lawyer tomorrow.

Indie, so so thank you. I worry I am not doing so well with the hurdles. You have made me feel more confident, and proud, of what I am doing. It would be easier for me to walk away. I sometime want to do this. But it would not be RIGHT. And more than anything. I want to stand up for what is right. Marriage.wH, myself included.

Especially me.

I linked it on jah's thread already, but here it is again.
VULTURES

I chose my colours!!! Ice snow for the kitchen caesarstone, and osprey to the bathrooms.

I admit it, I spent waaaay too much on a couple of stainless steel shower grates and chrome plugs, along with feature tiling to the shower niches. The tiling is feminine with a touch of bling; I fell in love with it.

Pale colours throughout, something I never could have chosen with Gollum's job.

Lucky for me after the budget blow-out, I got offered a fixed-term full-time contract today! It isn't ongoing, but I have been told the next ongoing job that comes up is mine. This will tide me over to December, good news when I need some job security with the mortgage.

Congrats on the colors.

Any news from your lawyer?

oooo, i went and looked at your colors. what is the feature tiling? how exciting! i can't believe how many choices there are for edging, and am impressed you can make a decision at all! i looked at wallpaper and curtains over the weekend and my head about spun off! well done, cara!

Love your IB on your choices

BH, I managed to catch up with my solicitor today.

Alimony isn't relevant in my case... as Gollum is claiming he is unemployed (although this is still not verified) and there are no children... not possible for me. Also, I have been the bigger earner during most of the marriage, and in Aus they base it on not just current, but potential earnings. I have a degree, he doesn't.

I suspect financially I am going to lose in this. Gollum holds a lot of the cards.

The good news... I have been sifting through documents, and have managed to find a few that Gollum did not remove whilst in Aus. The plot thickens... he has provided a superannuation statement (after I provided mine). But I now have evidence that he has not provided all of the statements to my solicitor. Only the lowest one.

My solicitor has sent another letter. This one is very direct. Discounting the trespassing allegation as my father obtained permission from the land owner, and I only changed the lock because the key was no longer available as previously arranged. Asking for receipts from sold assets immediately "as he has had ample opportunity to obtain these". And for Gollum to provide evidence at his expense to show me his superannuation total.

Gollum still has not shown me receipts of marital assets, or his UK statements where obviously his income would be going into.

Nothing Gollum might do in response to this letter will suprise me. Actually, I already suspect his response. The thing is... he could afford to pay me what he owes, just to be rid of me and for us both to get some peace. Yet he doesn't.

I will never understand the selfishness of a wayward, and I am glad of that. At this point, as much a divorce will hurt, I really just want this over.

I want to be free of Gollum. There is nothing left to recover.

Yeah, but I still haven't filed.

Enjoy your Plan B mansion!

When the time is ready for you to file, you'll know.

You'll think 'Oh I have too many piles of money lying around. I should probably give them to a solicitor in return for batches of paperwork' That is a happy day, my friend.

I only filed for protection, before I was ready and that isn't pleasant. Because I genuinely held out hope that filing would knock sense into him. You should really do it when you don't care.

Now, I'm impatient! I want my final D papers!