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Joined: Oct 2000
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He has sent me romantic emails and texts and I have not forwarded them to his gf because I'm worried how that drama may effect me and my daughter. You are educating your daughter on how to avoid conflict. How old is she? You need to explain to her what is happening in age-appropriate language. I have told him that I do not wish to speak to him, but that doesn't seem to be working very well. Because he knows (from experience) your words have no value if you lack the backbone/spine/guts/nerve/firmness/courage to BACK UP YOUR WORDS WITH ACTIONS ! Consider yourself ~~~>  2 by 4'd (gently)
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Joined: Oct 2000
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Your exH does NOT respect you.
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Joined: Jun 2012
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I know he doesn't respect me - he never has. It's just now at this point in time where I've made the choice to climb out of the pit I've been in and respect myself. We had a fight the other night and I basically told him off (something I've never done before) and since then things have been a lot easier. He is back with his girlfriend and for the time being I don't have to hear from him (until things go awry with his gf, again). Now he says that I am just angry because I'm still in love with him. I cannot tell you how ridiculous that statement is to me. At this point, after the fight, I would rather not write the letter so it won't invite more of his stupid opinions about how he views love and anger. In my view, I think that's best - just to leave our relationship where it lies and not introduce anymore discussion from him. On the other hand, I don't want to be an avoider. Is there anyone who has experienced anything like this? How did it work for you?
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Joined: Jan 2012
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Yes, and they are all in PLAN B. Have you read the link that was given? Those who are in Plan B have removed themselves from their selfish-hurtful- wayward- spouse's drama and are loving it! Which is why we keep recommendig it to you. It protects you mentally and emotionally from the abuse of dealing with their head games.
You deserve a better life, but you have to have the strength and courage to make it happen.
Last edited by Rocketqueen; 07/06/12 03:31 PM.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,479 Likes: 6
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I found an excellent radio clip from Dr. Harley, of why it's a good idea to go into Plan B after divorce. Tell us what you think. Radio clip on Plan B after Divorce at 5:25 mark
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Jun 2012
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Yes - I read the links on PlanB and listened to the clip (thank you). I agree with the radio clip and the article. When I do no contact for a while with my ex, I feel great. It's difficult to maintain for me because of his tendency to whine and he knows how to pull at my heart strings (i.e., manipulate). I'll just have to be stronger and maintain that gaurd around him all the time. It's tiresome, but hopefully I can keep up the strength and courage to keep it going.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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tc, it will be up to you to shut him out. All you have to do is stop taking his calls. Block his calls, block his emails and don't allow him in your house. Find a good friend who will act as an intermediary and agrees to only pass on absolutely pertinent information about visitation and finances in her own words. I would just send him a letter that goes something like this:
Dear Bob,
I have decided it is much better for my peace of mind to have no contact with you because of all the past unpleasantness. I feel a wonderful sense of peace when we are not in direct contact. I have decided to make that a permanent condition. If you have any pertinent information that I really must see, please send that through my friend, Sally, who has agreed to act as an intermediary.
Appreciate your cooperation and wish you all the best.
Best regards, XXX
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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It's difficult to maintain for me because of his tendency to whine and he knows how to pull at my heart strings (i.e., manipulate). The beauty is that he won't be able to manipulate you if he can't contact you! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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The beauty is that he won't be able to manipulate you if he can't contact you.
Worth repeating again.
"Get busy living, or get busy dying"...... The Shawshank Redemption.
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Joined: Jan 2012
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When I do no contact for a while with my ex, I feel great.
Biggest flaw in this sentence "FOR A WHILE" Do not contact him AT ALL, EVER!!!! You need to completely shut him out of your life or you will not find peace and will not recover.
Write a letter and have it be the grand finale of the two of you. It will be the "end all" to his manipulation and your record for ending it.
Me (WS) Husband (BS)
DS - 15
DD -10
My D-day - 11/12/11
Today Me (BS) H (WS)
D-Day #2 01/14/12
I don't want to just survive my affair, I want to recover from it!
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Joined: Jan 2012
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Write it exactly as Mel showed you. Change your number if you have to. Do whatever it takes just don't let him suck you in anymore. Every time you contact him he knows that he has control of you once again. You say that you do not love him and that is probably true but you need to stop letting him control and manipulate you.
He is only as strong as you allow him to be.
Me (WS) Husband (BS)
DS - 15
DD -10
My D-day - 11/12/11
Today Me (BS) H (WS)
D-Day #2 01/14/12
I don't want to just survive my affair, I want to recover from it!
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Joined: Nov 2011
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I am getting divorced due to an affair.
I plan on having no contact with my wife post divorce, as much as possible.
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