I, like so many others have been "lurking" here for several months. My husband was caught in an online EA with an ex-girlfriend 1/29/12. I had asked him several weeks before if he was talking to her and he said "a few times". I waited, being very nice and sweet, until I could find proof that my gut was right and "something" was going on. On d-day I found the email for his school account in the fb log in screen. He had always used his yahoo account for the fb account I knew about. I tried to log in to the school account but, the password was changed. I asked him for the password and he tried to stall me. Anyway, he was busted. My son came in as I was yelling at him and he was denying. The police were called and he had to stay at his parents for several days.(He said the leo told him he had to move over there but, I was not told that)Lots of things happened over the next few days, but he came back home and we made an appt. with a mc for the middle of the next month. We have been going first weekly, then bi-weekly. I found this website from a link on their fb page. When we went the first time we had already done the EN questionnaire. We have done most of the worksheets and have been trying to meet each others EN. I have been lucky in the respect that our mc believes in MB. That is why I waited that long to see her vs. taking the first one that came along. She focuses on love/passion w/ each other. We have a lot of baggage in our relationship that I didn't recognize until I began looking at this site. We both say we want to make it work. I'm just afraid that I am still "stuck" and I'm stalling the process of moving to recovery. I think the biggest problem I have is the "trickle truth" that he did...and now I feel he will lie at the drop of a hat if it benefits him...so I sure as heck can't trust what he says. How can I feel we can move to recovery if I am constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop?

Welcome and sorry for your pain.

Who has the affair been exposed to? Who is this OW? Is she married? Exposure 101

What are you both doing to eliminate AO?

Have you seen this? Thread for Newly Betrayed Posters

I agree you should not trust him. Trust is a feeling that is based on external conditions. The way you can come to trust him is to spy on him. He should not be ABLE to have an affair by making his life completely transparent. If you know what he is doing at all times, and can verify it, the feeling of trust will come back.

Do you have full access to all his email accounts? Did he delete the email account he used with this OW?

Is the OW married, and if so, has her spouse been informed?

All of our family knows. All 5 children, adult and minor know. Close friends. OWH knows. MC agreed he should be told when H balked. He called him with me there and told him what was going on...but, minimized. OWH called him back while I was at work and he did not tell me at first. Then OWH called me and we talked a few times.

So you gave the OWH all of the facts then? Your MC sounds like a winner!! You can't imagine how rare that is.

I have all the passwords. He deleted the account. As of last week we only have one account on fb. He deleted his other "regular" account at my request and we now share one. I asked for this because the OW's bff sent him a friend request. They met at this woman's house so I deff. don't trust her either. I check his phone and have a program on the computer to show me what websites he goes to while I'm at work. It has to have a second password that is emailed to my phone in order to log in. It's not a keylogger but, it was free. I really would like an actual keylogger.

I would get eblaster at spectorpro.com. It will email you the reports and is a good keylogger.

What is triggering your anxiety about him if you are able to check up on him?

Does he know you have keyloggers and spyware?

I would get some spyware on his phone too. He can easily delete phone logs and texts. eblaster has a spyware program for phones that has a built in GPS. How else could he contact the OW?

Have you checked for a secret cell phone?

Actually, OWH gave ME the facts! H was telling me he never talked to her or met up with her when that was a lie. OWH told me they had met & talked. He read me the messages she had saved. H had tried to delete all of his.

Did they sleep together?

Yes, he knows and says he doesn't care. I think it's that they met up with each other at least once and I'm afraid that it was a PA (even though OWH says he read no proof of that) I don't want to head into recovery and it be a lie. We are supposed to both take polys next Friday. It will be the first time we can afford them. He wants me to take one if he does...so I agreed. I would deff feel safer with the eblaster! TY for the suggestion.

Why would you take a polygraph, Resuscitating?

Here on some keyloggers.
Keyloggers

Also I would make sure OW and BFF are blocked on your joint FB.

Can you tell OWH about MB?

He denies touching he in any way except to pat her back.OWH husband says the messages read pretty much like that. The OW insisted on talking to me. She began calling me at work and sending me messages. She was angry according to her H. OWH felt she was trying to get rid of me so she could have my H. She says they kissed. They do not agree on the amount of time they spent together at the "house" they met at either. When she kept sending me messages he send her another email from my account telling her he loved me and was trying to right his wrong and the lying and contacting me over and over was making it hard to fix his marriage.

If he knows you have keyloggers on his computer then he can easily work around that. You realize this, right?

Did he write her NC letter?

Since he wrote it from your email OW's not going to believe it.

Does OWH want to save his M?

During the time that he was talking to her a man at work was coming up behind me and trying to rub on my shoulders, being inappropriate etc. He says he wants to know nothing happened. I had to ask to have the man moved elsewhere due to behavior. H feels if it was "nothing" he should have stopped the first time I asked him. I figure if it gets him to take one...I can do it. Yes, him knowing there are keyloggers is a concern for me. OWH says he does not use computers at all. So, he would not get on one to come here. I have blocked both on the fb account. I have done many things...that is wny I feel like it's me stopping us from moving on.

No, NC letter unless you count the one that was emailed to her. I can copy and paste to allow ya'll to read it. It says pretty much exactly what the letters on here say. Actually our mc was surprised enough after reading it to ask him directly if he wrote it.

Since it came from your account OW won't buy it.

Does OWH want to save his M?

BrainHurts, we have been working on AO too. It has not always worked but, we both re-did the LB and agreed that we have changed quite a bit. Not perfect yet...but, an improvement.