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#26434 11/02/99 06:36 PM
Joined: Nov 1999
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<BR>My H disclosed about 6 weeks ago that he has been having a 2 year affair. He claims not to love that person the same anymore and has been trying to break it off for over year. We have been married for 20 years and together for 6 prior to marriage. <BR>I love him with all my heart and always will. We are trying to work through this. Problem is he seems to be having difficulty actually making the break. She showers him with attention and this is what he misses. I could shower him with attention too but at this point, I feel he needs to get rid of her before we can begin to rebuild. I told my H that I wanted to talk to her and he continually talked me out of it. Out of the blue last week, the OW called me! I took that opportunity and ran with the ball. She said that she called just to say how sorry she was. I made it clear to her that he's not her husband, he's mine and that we wanted to rebuild our marriage and that I would fight for him if I had to. I asked what her intentions were and she said that she had none. That my H had never promised her anything. My question is this, I felt really good after talking to her. I really really got my point accross in a very classy way. I came out smelling like a rose! I felt at that time that this would really help to put a stop to this affair. When I told my H that I had talked to her, he cried. He said it made it so final. But my question to other OW's is this, does talking to the wife help you to tell the MM goodby?

#26435 11/02/99 11:40 PM
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Try <A HREF="http://www.gloryb.com" TARGET=_blank>http://www.gloryb.com</A> ...... I'm sure they'll let you know

#26436 11/03/99 12:45 PM
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I suppose it depends on the tone of the conversation.<P>I spoke to the wife of my OM...it made a difference initially, but it really didn't make it any easier to say goodbye.<P>It's really up to the OP, not the spouse, to make the person give up and walk away.<P>When the wife called me she told me to stop contact with her husband. I told her that I needed her husband to tell me that. She put him on the phone and he couldn't say it to me. He made his wife believe he was telling me it was over, but was answering yes or no questions from me that was telling me he still wanted to remain in contact. This really p*ssed me off. I was at my lowest point in my life after this conversation...it hurts to look back on it. Yeah, I guess I deserved it.<P>It's hard to listen to the spouse when the OP is making it so difficult to walk away.

#26437 11/04/99 09:02 AM
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I spoke to the OW the night my husband confessed. A part of me didn't believe it until I heard it from her. She kept saying how sorry she was, and how she had wanted to tell me for a such a long time. UGH! I didn't speak to her for more than 20 seconds, just enough to confirm how long the affair had been going on for.<BR>Since then she has been ringing him, leaving messages in tears, hanging up on me in the middle of the night when I answer the phone.<BR>I wish I could ring her, and give her the talk, but can't bring myself to do it. I don't blame her for loving my husband but I do blame her for invading my marriage, my home, my life.

#26438 11/04/99 11:34 AM
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In my first marriage - which seems like a lifetime ago,<P>I called an OW while X-H was standing there and confronted her. He was denying. She denied. (I didn't know he was having 2 affairs at the same time....)<P>Ow next night went to the top of a building and threatened to jump off. X-H had to go with the fire department and talk her down. That ended that relationship. She got seriously depressed, ended up losing a high profile job, and H just invested more in 2nd OW, who eventually married.<P>

#26439 11/04/99 12:15 PM
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The talk I had with the other lasted more than 20 minutes with me doing all the talking. It seems to have helped somewhat with my H and her. He has not called her (so he says, and I really don't trust him anymore) and she has not called him either. She wasn't calling him anyway, he would always be the one to call her. I did tell her that I appreciated the fact that she wasn't calling him and told her that when he calls her it causes us all pain. I can't control what she does but I did suggest that the next time he calls, she should do us all a favor and be "busy". She agreed that seeing him makes her miserable, makes him miserable and makes me miserable. I hope that things continue on this path of no contact, although I'm intelligent enough to know that at some point he will call her. I just keep praying!

#26440 11/04/99 04:02 PM
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I would NOT recommend the gloryb.com site. (Sorry InShock, everyone who goes there ends up "In Shock"). Go if you must but lurk before you post.


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