There is one other possibility. She files for separation now, and you execute an agreement giving her everything.

That could go far in demonstrating your commitment to do right by her.

It may sound harsh, but there is no way you are a safe spouse yet.

I brought this up to her. Her first question was something along the lines of "You want a separation?". I obviously said no, but that someone on the forum suggested it.

It looks like the idea of a marital contract is out the window, mostly because my interaction with OW or a future woman, in the event of separation or divorce, are not negotiable within the terms of said contract. I understand where she's coming from, though. It would be hard on the kids. Really hard. And harder on AI as well.

But this was all in the event of marital breakdown due to infidelity, and I don't intend to do that again regardless.

I'll keep researching this and any other prospects.

As for my AOs and all, I've only had one microburst, and that was at myself (as far as I remember). AI has caught me several times and warned me back, and I've been able to calm down exceptionally quickly.

I've ditched the idea of Anger Management sessions for the time being, and mostly because we want to save up for counseling with the coaching center.

We've also been exploring the psychology and treatment of those in an abusive relationship, and those who are the abuses in a relationship. We've talked about the subject at length, and are pretty much agreed that verbal, emotional, and mental abuse can sometimes (if not most times) be worse than physical. I'm on HIGH alert for any emerging manipulation tactics, etc. HIGH alert.

AI is also trying to get into MY head as to how I felt at the end of the affair, and what I've been going through/went through in regard to withdrawal. I don't know what to say. It dredges up badness, and I'm trying to let it out... but it's tough.

I'm also looking at where I was when I was wandering through the fog. It's a weird feeling to sit outside of it and look in. The fog is still there, but it's apart from my mind. The scary thing is the fact that it's still within arm's reach, which is exactly the place I feel it is for ALL wayward spouses for god knows how long.

This is a tough road, and the notion of happiness after a prolonged period of healing and fighting is daunting to fathom. It's so far away. But if you look at it, it's really NOT that far away. But for someone like me, someone who's spent the past 7 years in a marriage but living the single life and being a LOSER, it's scary. Stepping up and being a man has been the best decision I've ever made in my life. But it's harder than I ever thought it would be. Falling back on bad habits and old styles would be all too easy. This is the high road. The hard road. The one that actually has a destination at the end that affords true happiness.

I'll update more later. I'm writing a journal/diary with all of my findings between myself and AI. Good or bad. It's been eye opening.

Wow, I babble...

It's a good sign you're able to control yourself so quickly when you become frustrated.

Two things to be aware of (you may already know): it's still a love bank withdrawal when your wife even witnesses an angry outburst, even if it's not against her. And any angry outbursts will reinforce the habit, no matter who or what they are directed at.

"It was the biggest mistake of my life. I let other women meet my emotional needs, I fell in love with them. I will do whatever it takes to make sure that this never happens again."

Repost:

Repost:

Words.

What do they mean, exactly?

While I was researching divorce and separation in Canada, I saw that there isn't actually anything such as Legal Separation. Under the eyes of the law, you are either married, or not. In the case of separation, you can file a separation agreement, and it can be held legally binding, as long as the parties both agree. So, in short, you would write a separation agreement, on all of your issues, and sign it, leaving the date spot blank. That way, in the future, should you decide to commit adultery again, AI would have a document you would abide by. Give it to her, and have her put it in a safe place.

If you don't argue about the terms, you can agree to pretty much anything. I will state though that you can not give up all rights to your children, the government doesn't allow that to happen. So, don't even bother writing that down.

Look into it more and get it figured out.

I KNOW that AI can't keep OW(s) away from your children, that is a reality I deal with weekly, and it SUCKS.

So Scotty in Canada you cant have anything written up legally to keep OW away from the children?

So is there anything you can do? What if the OW or OM had a record? I'm just curious.

therightthing,

Where did you go? I think you ought to keep posting regularly to help yourself stay focused.

Unanswered.

At this point, I don't expect you'll make it.

Markos,

Thanks for taking the time to keep up with my thread, and I genuinely respect your opinion. The fact is, this marriage is going to make it. Regardless of what anyone here thinks.

As per AI's request, I'll be posting here again by, at the latest, tomorrow night. Straight facts as to what has happened since I last posted. No BS. Straight. Facts.

There've been ups and downs. More ups than downs, but the downs (as you've heard) have been big.

So I'll see You all here tomorrow night. Same bat time, same bat channel. I'll be looking for suggestions and the such, and have promised AI that I will follow through with those that are constructive.

Y'all can counsel AI to kick me out or leave herself, but until that happens I'm still in the game and working at fixing this. One step at a time.

What do you think your consequences should be for breaking EPs?

Ups and downs? Are you kidding?

Recovery is like trekking up a mountain. Hard? yes. I can only imagine what it is like trying to do it with the wounds of betrayal. And then getting wounded MORE on the trek by your hiking partner.

Every time you leave AI to saunter back DOWN and undo your progress, you leave her stranded and unsure of why on earth she choose to do this hard work with you.

Back in the valley there's a lot of stuff you enjoy, like porn and flirting, that must be abandoned FOREVER.

You can't take an 'up and down' approach to recovery. AI is the one who will have genuine 'ups and downs' due to her recovery wounds and destroyed trust. You dont get to have 'ups and downs' as to how safe you are for her.

You are either safe or not. You either keep EPs or not. You're either in this 100 per cent, or you're not worthy to be AIs husband.

No 'ups and downs'. No screwing around with her heart.

We will be here, eagerly awaiting your post. That amount of time until then is obviously necessary for you to formulate answers to the myriad of questions you have avoided over the weeks since you last wrote.

Right, we don't know anything.,


I would agree with that.

Please take NeverGuessed's advice and answer the questions you haven't answered.

I guess you'll spend the day doing your charm dance and sucking up. Perhaps you'll squeeze out a few tears to drum up AI's sympathy.

Sad. You are a very sad specimen. You just don't want to give up the thrill of your secret, selfish life. Guess what? It's not a secret anymore!

I hope she holds your feet to the FIRE.

TRT ~
You are still a very, VERY arrogant man!
I am going to "should" on you...
1) You SHOULD consider all of the MB Veterans to be your "source" of AUTHORITY in spite of what YOU think!
2) You SHOULD drop any / all arrogant beliefs, that you are in a position to know whether or not you are in a position to, It is very obvious that you still have not gotten over yourself!!!!!
Do not be surprised "when" the most valuable MB Veterans you could ever wish for completely alienate you in order to aid Al in HER recovery!!!!!