Update: he's created his own thread. Do I think he's being totally honest with me ? No not really. Theres something there that I'm just not picking up on..

Maybe it's his lack of actions?

Words are empty.

He is still putting the onus on YOU to sort his fact from fiction. This is not a remorseful man.

Excellent radio clip on lying.
Radio clip on liars

I will have to see if I can pull that up on my Ipad tonight after work. Thank you for the clip. I'm really interested in hearing it.

It's just so sad that I've found myself here - never would have thought I'd find myself in this situation - and especially after a short period of time being married.

It's been said that "warning signs" are there...for me, they just weren't...

Thank you again for the posts...

Well, I couldn't wait to pull up the radio clip on liars - so I did so on my lunch break.

From what I gathered, I believe my husband is a combo of the Protector Liar and The Stay out of Trouble Liar - leaning more towards the SOOTL. I believe it may start out as he being the Protector Liar then (depending on the situation), it then starts to flow into the Stay out of Trouble Liar - again depending on the situation.

I liked the points that were brought out in regards to the person (me) just wanting honesty and wanting to work thru the issues as a married couple - because that's just the way "married life" is and should be. That's what I was intending for our lives to be...an open book and each other's crutch when life threw circumstances/obtacles/rocks in our path. Be there for one another.

My husband (murph04) and I just had this sort of conversation yesterday at lunch. I handled it very well even though it had touched a nerve that yet again (I felt) he was "mis-informing" me in regards to something that was just brought to my attention (he turned into: The Protector Liar during that conversation). There was no need for him to become the Stay out of Trouble Liar because what we were dealing with was beyond both of our control.

I didn't overeact. I understood what was going on. I could see where there would be a "solution", but I needed to know what was going on before any more days/weeks went by so that a solution or just talking it over could take place.

I do understand how the "liar" could be viewing "the person being deceived" perception and reaction. I'm still learning in that regard to "hear" what is being said and not to over react because I don't want him or anyone else for that matter not feel that they can come to me and discuss things.

I have told my husband that matters are worsened later when things have escalated beyond where they should have.

My motto has always been: Clean Slates/Fresh Starts. As of late, the slate is loosing it's once glossy black finish and the eraser is wearing out.

I do believe he is understanding just how serious things have become and that he does need to work on them. He is the owner of those mistakes. I also have to realize that it's not an overnight fix but I would be there to help him along the way...with my learning from the experience as well.

diamond is exactly right with her above comment and i do know where i stand right now and the seriousness of the issues and knowing at any point i could loose her. i will continue to work hard and hope one day neither diamond nor myself will have to log into this sight even tho it is fantastic. as jimmy valvano once said......never give up, never ever give up and thats what i am going to fight for. i love you diamond.

Update:
I'm not even sure where to begin. Things have seemed to spiral out of control. I dug a little deeper into phone records and to my total shock and horror, found a number that he was calling and texting. To make a long story short, it was an x-girlfriend. As far as I can tell (as far back as the records go) they had been in contact since 02/11.

I confronted him, called her and exposed the whole mess. I feel like such an idiot. How did I not see that one?

I had a long conversation with his sister. A visit with his mother, and we have been discussing the issue at great length. His older daughter called me and was apologetic to me in regards to her dads actions.

I have been totally taking him for his word as of late, but I'm guessing that I can no longer do that. I am in total shock and still reeling from that one.

We went to our counselor on July 3rd. She's not familiar with Dr. Harley, but is steering us in the right direction. He obviously has a problem and it's him who needs to clean up the mess he has caused.

Only time will tell where we will be. I don't know what to do at this point...if there really is anything to do? I guess I just sit back and see how his actions/words/etc are and take it from there.

I almost feel like our whole marriage was a joke. Here I was on cloud 9 and not knowing what he was doing behind my back. For what? He had/has everything and was not lacking in any department...

I love my husband...I just hate what he has done and caused...

Diamond,

If you continue to sit back and see what happens, nothing will improve. I predict you will be divorced in the next few months.

If you want to end your H's affair and recover your marriage, do the following:

1. Ditch the counselor and call the MB counseling center.

2. Get the book, "Recovering from an Affair" and read it asap.

3. Continue to expose the affair to anyone who can assist in breaking it up, to include OW's family and friends.

4. Move your thread over to the affair forum.

5. Plan A for approxiamtely three weeks. If you don't know what plan A is, read about it here. If your H continues with the A, then go into Plan B.

Also, be prepared to learn that this is a physical affair and your H has been having sex with this old girlfriend for quite some time. This is a long term affair that explains much of his behavior.

AM

Also, did you say your H has a thread on here? Don't tell him you are posting here.

AM

Yes, he has a thread on here too. How do I move my thread?

Great advice. I will begin working on those immediately. Thank you....

I'm so very sorry you are going through this painful ordeal.

Click the "notify" button at the lower right side of the reply box and ask the moderator to move your thread to Surviving an Affair.

Click the notify button at the bottom of the page. Tell the moderator you would like your thread to be moved.

What is your H's name on here? Does he read here? post?

AM

I have done the notification. He is Murph04 - He really hasn't done much posting - only at my request. Thank you.

Because of his continual lying to me, it's really hard for me to believe too that it hasn't become physical. He tells me that it hasn't....

Waywards lie. Don't believe a word he says at this time.

Get a polygraph so you can find out exactly what you're up against.

Get tested for STDs, too, to be safe.

What is his handler name?

Never mind I figured it out.

Is this OW married? Did you also expose to her side?