I haven't been on here in a while.

Our marriage is going good. We are making sure we each meet each other's needs and we get our one on one time together.

Out of no where I get a strange text. Then a few more texts. Dh had multiple one night stands then one he met up with regularly in town. He told her he would marry her at one point. I told the text that I didnt know who the person was since dh had multiple affairs. I showed dh the texts. Then she started emailing dh. Dh has immediately shown me. He has got down on his knees to apologize to me that he has brought this on our family. We have moved halfway accross the country. She has mentioned revenge in her email that dh wont see it coming. She has also gone crazy about how horrible he was for cheating on her nevermind she cheated on her dh and has 3 boys with her dh.

Would you just let it go? She would have to travel a long way to come after us - 24 hour drive time. Is there a way to tell between true threats or just a woman going crazy on email?

Tammy

Yes email was cancelled. She got dh's new work email. He has a linked in profile that he cant bring down. The job is even a newer one than what he moved out here for. In order to leave his old job he had to do a one year noncompete so he has only been at this job for under 6 months at this point as he had to go a year out of the industry.

Tammy

Can you get a restraining order on her?

Seems quite sad that many BS's fear getting into trouble for exposing an A, but AP's can do whatever they want without fear.

I would save all the nasty texts/emails and anything else she has sent to you and try and get a restraining order on her if possible. At least then you have some recourse if she tries to contact you or retaliate against your WH in any way.

Has your H told you which one this is, is it the last OW that he just went NC with in Dec? Or is there potential this is one you were not aware of?

Last affair was 2010 - yes this is her. I know all the mistresses at this point, well I dont know the one night stands but neither does he type thing.

I just dont know if a restraining order will be enough evidence with just emails. I read online and it says it is harder to get one if the person is not family. My dad is a cop in the state we moved from and he says we have 3 police reports first.

Tammy

meant to say we are saving everything so we have documentation. She also spoke of sending a care package and we will see how to turn that in if we get one.

Tammy

I manage my H's LinkedIn acct, I don't even know if he has the PW. I somehow managed to 'block' the OW in my case, not that she was trying to contact him in any way but bc they are in the same profession and have common friends she came up as a suggested contact. Not really sure how I did that it was awhile ago. If I had an OW trying to get in contact through any social media I would delete it, totally unnecessary. But at the very least see if there is a way you can block her, and anyone associated with her.

Linked in is the professional version of FB so to speak it is not about finding a job but working with associates and contacts. No he cant take it down. He uses it for business. She is creating different emails so cant stop her and he cant change his work email. She got my phone number a long time ago back in 2010. I had my old state phone number and needed a phone number in our new state so I did change my cell phone number. She didnt email dh until I had a new cell phone. Getting a new email address is not possible at work - maybe to someone who does not run an entire division and have contact with big customers of the company.

I did email her once w dh reading it and agreeing to it. I told her I was praying for her and if she truly wanted to find happiness to really give her marriage some work. I even gave her the link to marriagebuilders. I feel bad for her that she is this attacted after so long. I mean I understand. Her dh is an executive and is probably not giving her the attention and my dh was giving her tons during the affair and it felt great to her.

The issue with blocking which I do believe she is blocked is that just running a google search will show the front page. This is how I know her dh's company and work title without even logging into linked in. We pay for a paid feature on linked in for dh that shows us who looked at his account. We did see where she created an account and looked at him. His FB is totally locked down where he doesnt show up in any search. My shows up in searches but you cant see pics or what I say without being a friend. Dh knows no one associated with her. She was just a person he met off Craigslist so not through friends or anything like that. He saw her in a hotel room and for lunch type of thing so there was no meeting with other people. I have all the passwords to Linked in, Facebook and so on. He has now offered to set up my computer so it can pull up his work email, he had voluntarily put on programs on his cell phone to show he wants me to see everything.

mommy, you need to keep all emails and texts from this crazy OW. this is your proof for a RO. do NOT send anything back to her, or SHE will have proof, too.

i would file for the RO. don't worry about having "enough," the one would certainly do it, never mind multiples.

I would take the evidence and go the police.

File a complaint, RO or whatever.

Then figure out how to stop all the contact she is able to do.

Is she in the same city?

I think that's the nothing to lose mentality of an AP, vs. the everything to lose mentality of a BS.

No she is not in the same city we live 24 hours away driving now. She use to be in the same metroplex but not now. She has vowed not to stop and it is her mission in life to let dh know that she is always around.

I have no problem exposing the affair. EVERYONE knows on our side so she holds no power as far as running to family or anything like that. Everyone knows both my family and dh's family. I have been very vocal about my recovery. Dh obviously was upset at first now is not and is happy that it has helped with recovery. The nice part about full exposure is there is no ackwardness know telling family that she has gone psycho b/c they already know about the affairs and more make jokes about hoping dh has learned his lesson. He has even made some jokes saying this has remove any and every temptation there ever was.

However getting a RO is a court document so then it becomes public record that is something that is not something that either of us are excited about as his level of employment they would pull up such a record so he would hate for it to be out there but even he is wondering if we should see about getting one now.

Then expose to her side.

mommyof3monkeys, I would keep all the emails especially the one about sending a care package. The OW is about to get herself in serious trouble with the federal government when she starts talking about sending packages along with what she has said in her emails. You might want to contact the USPS inspectors and let them know what is going on. That might be enough for the inspectors to make a visit to her to explain what she means by "a care package".

We have talked about exposing her side even more to what she is doing now. I know where her dh works but could that make her truly act out vs. just what seem like for now empty threats. I dont want to put my kids in harms way if that will make her truly act out. This is the one thing I am wrestling with! Does anyone think this is not a true "what if" to think about?

Tammy

"My dad is a cop in the state we moved from and he says we have 3 police reports first." That may be the case in that state where you lived now the laws might be different in the state you live in now. At the very least you should go talk to a detective at your local police station or an attorney and explain that this woman is harassing and threatening your family. Some agencies don't take threat lightly.

Agree with the comments lightout has made. There always will that "what if". You have to decide if you are a fight or flight person. I've had people harass me and told them to knock it off or ignored them for a reasonable period of time. Those that didn't listen or buy a clue, got slapped. If they were dumb enough to come back for more (which they weren't) they would have gotten slapped again.

You can file a compliant with the police. It may not be enough to warrant an RO (that is very unlikely for what you have described so far) but it is a start to building a case if she continues to harass you.