In Jan I was here looking for help, I was at my witt's end
Origonal post Two months after that (March), on the day of my daughter's birthday party, it came to a head. I totally walked out, leaving my 18 year old to deal with the party (thank God she was capable & agreeable!). I spent the day sitting in my car making calls & trying to figure out how/if I could leave. That weekend I told him to leave, & he did. He was gone for 2 weeks. I told him that he could not come back until he met some criteria, which he did. Apparently it really scared him.
(he had to: see his Dr about his addiction; make a plan to get off the pills; arrange marriage counceling)
So, since then, we have had huge improvement. One thing that I am extremely warey of is him becoming complacent. I have to give him credit that he HAS stayed on top of things & is always making the effort to keep the family & marriage a priority. It hasn't been perfect, but it is promising because he has been very pro-active about it.
But I can't bring myself to kiss him or initiate any kind of affection. We'll hold hands & hug, but always at his initiation & that is as far as it goes. He's begining to get frustrated & feel like I'm just "used to" this level of intimacy, & I feel like I can't trust him to stay committed & don't want to be duped again.
I want to "love" him, and I am pleased at the effort he is making. But I am so worried that if I let my guard down it will all just slip back. And I am still getting very annoyed at insignificant things. We've been seeing our councelor about every 2 weeks (we both like him), & he's said I need to think about what I "need" to move on, and I should work on putting it into action.
We're both 41, married 20 yrs, kids: 18, 14, 3
