Happily married to my husband of 7 years. Two boys, and am over all sexually satisfied. I have always been attracted to women just as much as men but chose to not really explore it all. Sure i have played spin the bottle and i kissed a few girls that way. I dunno my emotions were not so much in play then. Sure it was nice, but not ....so i chalked it up to chance. Ya know.
Well my i moved to a city house and my neighbors and i became fast friends. Her and her Fiance were just starting out and what not. We were instant friends. Could tell each other just about anything...ANYTHING. Well i confessed to her my interest in women. Not cause i wanted to be with her, i was just discussing the subject with her as i do many other subjects.

Weeks later we were out drinking and she asked me to go on a potty party with her and she kissed me. Romantically two times. I was a little startled to kiss back. She was drunk i did not wish more to be made of if cause she was drunk and some people just do that when they drink. Well later she was embarrassed and i had to bring it up. she was so mortified we never discussed it in depth.

well last night we got together and i hung with her at a hair apt and we decided to go out for drinks with our husband and fiance, we also decided they would stay at our house on account of the bar only being a block away.
she said she would be sleeping (with me) tonight. i brushed it off for the most part till she at the bar kept hugging me and telling me that she loved me so much. But....she was quite drunk. we went back to the house when the bar closed and hung out. She whispered to me that she wanted to be intamate with me and have it be an ongoing thing. and that she thinks about it a lot and that our husbands dont need to be involved....

Well i was conflicted. my curiosity is definatly piqued. but to enter into that spur of the moment and drunk is just not my way. i told her i would discuss it sober. and that perhaps it was something we could do but only after she has weighed all the consequences....after all i have not myself.

I dunno i am left just confused. it would be fun to explore and my husband is supportive, but it just feels awkward and that it more than likely not turn out how i want. I would not like our friendship to lessen or become intrusive on my marriage. I value my husbands relationship over any... i am just unsure of where to go from here. I want to.....But i am way too cautious and scared to proceed at this time.

please forgive my lack of interest in spell checking and grammar. Im just too tired from last night still.

I need advise from someone who has been there.

Welcome, bingo.

This forum is called Marriage Builders, which I'm sure you know. The slogan at the top of the page, which I'm sure you've seen, is "building marriages to last a lifetime". If you have read any of Dr Harley's basic concepts, which you are expected to do before you post, you will know that this forum is pro marriage and anti affair.

Being married means you made a commitment not to have an affair even though "it would be fun to explore".

Do you remember getting married? Do you remember what it means? Well, there's your answer.

PS:

Your thread title:

Married woman's dilemma.

Married woman.

Remember that.

Grow up.

Big problems here. Not only is it your problem/dilemma, I suspect your husband might use this as a pass to do the same with another woman.

You have two young children (I assume, under 7) and are out drinking with swingers, one of which who is willing to make physical moves on a married woman.

That is not a 'friend'. This woman should not be in your life, you may think this is just drunken fun now but did you think of your two little children and family, when you get into this lifestyle? About the anger, hurt feelings, the reality of it when your husband starts pushing you for him to do the same???

I suggest you visit the SAA (Surviving an Affair) section and search the topic of swingers - you might be surprised (or not) to see what happens when the fantasy becomes reality, and the subsequent destruction.

When are you going to tell your Betrayed husband about your affair?

Why is it that you feel entitled to behave like an alley cat in heat even though you are married? And even more puzzling is that you are posting about this on a website that supports and respects marriage?

Your basic issue is that you have no respect for marriage. And unless that changes, your marriage is not likely to last for long. You are willing to destroy your marriage and your children's safe family for what? So you can act like a slut?

Your destructive actions don't just affect you; they affect 2 small children and your husband. Why not start behaving like a grown up?

I read a post on here from a woman who had opened her M up to another woman, a 'friend.' Her H was also 'supportive' of this relationship and sometimes partook in the activities. Eventually, she discovered that her H was having a SECRET A with the friend, and was devastated. I recall that when she found them together, her WH and the OW actually LAUGHED. I can't remember how that thread turned out, but I remember thinking, of COURSE he thought it was no big deal to bang another chick, especially the one his own wife had introduced into their bedroom! How could this wife possibly think she was not opening a door that could never be closed again? She was basically saying, having sex with someone else OUTSIDE the M (and if you think that because she is a woman and not a man it is OK, you are wrong, same difference, nobody around here cares if it is with a man or woman, same rules apply...) is NO BIG DEAL. Yet here she was, devastated on an affair forum because she couldn't believe her WH would have an A.

Bringing another person into your marital relationship, even IF your H is supportive, is the single worse decision you could ever make for your M.

Also, how does the OW's fiance feel about it? Or are you all willing to deceive him for your own selfish venture?

Swinger marriages are a disaster. WE have had many of them end up here on the verge of divorce. Harley discusses them here on the radio: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=776

Here's another good clip also. The BH let his WW swing and now their marriage is destroyed.
Radio clip on Swinging
Segment #2

Harley also talks about how bad marriage counselors are at the 4:00 mark in this link.

Sometimes a husband and a wife both support not spending any time together at all, but that does not mean it is a good idea for their marriage.

Sometimes a husband and a wife both support drug use, but that does not mean it is a good idea for their marriage.

Sometimes a husband and a wife both support committing a crime together, but that does not mean it is a good idea for their marriage.

The golden rule is still a good idea. "Do to others as you would have them do to you."

How do you feel about your husband having sex with another woman? With another man?

If you feel negative about this, that's a good sign that you should not do the same to him.

Even if you feel you would be okay with this, that does not necessarily mean it is a good idea for your marriage. Most people who have had open marriages feel immense regret later. Your husband may feel immense pain and regret later because of this decision. Suppose he made a similar choice, with your "support," and then you later felt immense pain and regret.

Bingo,

She whispered to me that she wanted to be intamate with me and have it be an ongoing thing. and that she thinks about it a lot and that our husbands dont need to be involved....

I know a married couple with this arraignment, he tolerates her fooling around with other women, which her H said justifies HIS cheating with other women because it is "mutual". You are handing your H a cheat on you card. The couple never have sex anymore btw.

By kissing this woman you have already started him down that path. Would you tolerate your H kissing this woman?

That she is in "Love" with you is even worse, you are helping to destroy her relationship with her fiance.

Do you confide things to each other that you don't say to your partners, that is deadly in any relationship?

Since you have already cheated with this woman you need to have no contact for life, this is no longer a non-sexual friendship.

God Bless
Gamma

This is the life you have chosen.
A very long time ago, a very wise woman told me this:

"Never do anything you do not want to see printed in the newspapers"


Get rid of that couple. Never associate with them again.
Tell your husband what happened. Everything.
Think about what you want your life's legacy to be.
Think about the life you are building for your family, and act accordingly.
The BIG PICTURE is what counts.

Bingo,

our husbands dont need to be involved

If she is asking you to lie to your H you realize this has gone way too far, not "involved" who is she kidding?

Not only is your H involved in this affair, but in a very real sense so are your children.

This woman no matter how she acts is not a babysitter for your children or an "aunt" or anything like that she is a treat to their long term well being.

God Bless
Gamma

I think its fairly obvious that this woman meets needs of affection and admiration.

She's coldbloodedly feeding those needs to you like a free trail of drugs to get what she wants. And you're willing to do whatever she wants in return. Even betray your marriages fidelity. The happy one, remember?

What if she wants your H too? Are you willing to give that up?

Its very common for female predators like her to do that. We see it here all the time.

They see a happy couple. A woman who is prettier and happier than she is. They can't wait to ruin that.

I used to work with such a woman. She shamelessly told us how she seduced a female friend of hers. She said the friend was 'in love with her' (she had made sure of itt of course)

She had done it because she wanted this womans husband. Sure enough she saw to it that they were soon having threesomes,

You can guess what happened next. The WH left his wife for the OW. The OW was in control all the time. She made the BW love her. She made her believe she was special. She still doesn't understand why the BW hates her.

The BW feels like a double fool. And she is one.

If your H is 'supportive' of a vulture moving in on his wife, he's probably already in an affair with her, if not someone else.

Oh.

When this womans fiance finds out, tells everyone and you have to confess to your children how you ruined their family....

.... How will that feel?

Bingo, Please read and think about all the comments that have been posted here. This "friend" is no friend to your marriage or family. You need to be honest with your husband and cut all contact with this woman. You are on a very slippery slope of destruction, if you continue on this path you will not only destroy your marriage, your family but in time your soul.

Speaking as a BW and watching the pain and devastation adultery has caused my children, I can say firsthand that no selfish act of pleasure is worth the pain your husband and children will suffer. The pain a betrayed spouse suffers is beyond words but watching your children suffering as well is heartbreaking.

Please read some of the threads in this forum, hopefully reading the experiences of others may help you to re focus on your "happy marriage" Read some of the articles written by Dr. Harley to help build a great satisfying "affair proof marriage" You will find this more satisfying and rewarding than giving into the temptation of fantasy.

What was the point to your post, bingo? Did you actually have one, or no?