Yes and it was very tough when we are all trying to go by Dr. Harley's concepts and someone tells their own opinion. It is confusing and frustrating.

Not speaking to you Wes.

Ah, gotcha. It's been quite a few months since I read Scotty's thread beginning to end, and I do recall you being engaged in it, so I'll leave it at that. I was spitballing, and I guess I missed.

Anyway, I just wanted to take this op to reach out to you Scotty and give you a job well done kudos.

Hang in there friend.

It has been a matter of how long. As Scotty said earlier to me it takes some longer than others. I stood for my marriage too (26 years) but gave it up when it became clear to me it could not be saved. Maybe others would have stuck it out longer. How long one sticks it out is not strickly regulated by Dr. Harley. So I didn't feel I was going against Dr. Harley when I had an opinion about moving on. I'm glad Scotty is at the 'moving on' point....well, as she said she isn't divorced yet but she can now see herself happy with someone else someday. That is all I want for her and for anyone who suffers infidelity where the marriage cannot be saved.

And to be clear I have NEVER disagreed with her decision to not date while married.

hi scotty. i'm glad to hear that you are at a point where you can think about what comes after.

i'm still worried about your health, though. any updates there?

hugs to you and the boys. disgusting to read the whole "goodbye" thing. bleech!

So glad for you, Scotty, coming to the point where you are taking control of your future! It's nice to see that the cocoon of plan B has helped you prepare for the next stage.

About the goodbye to OW...waywards never change on this. My dad is wayward, has been since he left my mom for the teenage babysitter when I was three months old. And he's on his third wife now. A few years ago, he didn't think I was appreciative enough of my step-mom one Christmas and got all huffy about how she made my kids a homemade present (nothing to me personally, I might add) and I should have gotten her something personal. I got them something as a joint gift. Didn't mention the fact that I had made awesome homemade presents for years for her and she barely ever acknowledged it. Anyways...I would just prepare your kids as best as possible that he's never going to change about putting OW's feelings above their own, even his PERCEPTION of OW's feelings.

Yes, I thank all of you who posted to me.

The people who had me defending my positions also helped me immensely. Having to defend my choices, here on my thread, helped me sort out many of the thoughts and feelings that I was having at the time. Also, MANY people have had me defending my choices IRL, and doing it here helped present it to them in a grand way as well.

SW, I don't think that anyone suggested that you were advocating dating while still married. I sure don't remember you ever taking that stance. You did press me on choices I was making, but again, if you didn't have me examining my choices, I wouldn't be able to defend them as well as I can.

I think it's awful that I still am having the "dating while separated" debate over and over again IRL. It's quite sickening, but I understand that some people make that choice, and they feel the need to defend it, and in a lot of ways, by me making a different choice, it makes them examine what THEY themselves are doing. Just yesterday, I had this same debate with a person I box with. One of the other women I box with is recently separated, and she has decided that she would like to date soon(in Canada, you can't divorce for 1 year after separation). So this friend of hers was pressing me on why I'm not dating. I simply said, "I'm married." She said, "You're separated." I replied with, "Yes, and that means still married." Then I said, "When you date someone who is willing to date a married woman, you are looking a lot lower than the quality person whom I would want to date, after I am divorced, of course." That shut her up. What was she supposed to say to that?

I didn't get the Full Time position I applied for. Looks like the wall I keep beating my head against got thicker. Gotta find my door.

I am soooooo antsy. I need to improve my life more.

And of course, I have been a bigger presence on MB again lately. Can't stay away. It was such a lifeline for me in my darkest days. I'm not gonna be around as much as I was, but I'm always lurking. So, any of you Plan Bers that think you'll get away with something, remember, Mama Bear Scotty is always watching. HEHEHEHEHEHE

Yeah I know you can't fool me

hey scottie. i thought this was a good quote for MB, but wasn't really sure where to post it! since your sig line has the one about walls and doors, i thought i'd put it here. feel free to repost it where necessary

When one door closes, another opens;
but we often look so long, and so regretfully
upon the closed door
that we do not see
the one which has opened for us.
--alexander graham bell

Last week, had I posted, I would have been very sad, and stressed. Adding to my personal and health stuff, more financial strains got slammed onto me. I couldn't see through the rumble that I felt my life had become. ARGH.

Today, however, it is a bit different. There is ALWAYS a GRAND plan. One that we do NOT see ourselves at first, and sometimes NEVER. I am learning to look at the pluses, instead of dwell on the stresses.

My financial strains are still there, only I am not looking at them in a negative light, but an opportunity. GREAT changes are going to come, because the only way we change is to hit a rough patch and not want to live there anymore. I'm choosing the HIGH road.

Now, with these financial strains, I have found out how many people truly and dearly care for me. Even people that I didn't think of as caring too much about me have offered their help. It's been a GREAT learning experience.

Yesterday, I had a manager at work take me into the office and tell me that with everything that happened with Bampot, I have come out of it showing true strength and grace. I gave MB the props, stating that I wouldn't have been able to do it without the plans, and all of you, when she pointed out that I CHOSE to follow the plans, it wasn't just the site that brought me to where I am today. How true is that? There are so many people who come here and choose NOT to follow the plans at all, or pick and choose. So, yes, that does show true strength. I hope others will find their strength to do that as well.

Today, I actually had TWO women tell me how great I have been looking lately. How I have looked well put together, I have been smiling, and radiating light. WOW. Did that ever make me feel good.

And the fact that I didn't get the F/T job last month has actually worked out for the best. FUnny that. HAHAHAHA

Hey all.

The last few weeks have been somewhat trying. There have been actual thoughts of breaking it. Only because I have been having IM issues, and sometimes, the thought comes through that it might be easier to just do it myself, and save any hassle. I honestly don't know what's going on with my IM. A few months back, I found out from my IM that she wasn't receiving all of the emails Bampot and I were sending, so she changed the email addy, and it seemed to work fine, for a couple of days. Then, I needed to send a message a few weeks ago, and I heard nothing back. I need Bampot to write a letter giving me permission to take the boys to the States. We're going to Disney for a couple of weeks, on the 10th. Well, I didn't receive a response, and since it was time sensitive, I asked for a confirmation that she received my email. I heard nothing. So, I sent an email to her personal email address. I still heard nothing. I leaned on Indie as an emergency IM to send the message. She has been a great help. I'm not sure what has happened with my IM, I hope she is okay. Without her, my Plan B wouldn't have existed, and I wouldn't have healed as well as I did. I thank her for EVERYTHING she did.

I won't break Plan B. I will find a new IM. But, in my keeping with honesty, I wanted to show other Plan Bers that there are times when even a seasoned Plan Ber wants to throw in the towel. It's a normal reaction, but sticking with MB and Plan B is ALWAYS the best choice.

Lately, my DS9 has been missing Bampot something fierce. He cries. He can't sleep. I don't know why it came on as suddenly as it has, maybe he realises that daddy isn't coming home. I think he's still grieving his family. Tuesday night, he came to my room about midnight, and he was crying. He just kept saying that he missed daddy. He told me that he tried to call, but that it just went to VM. I then told him that he could email Bampot if he wanted. He did. I was at work on Wednesday, and DS9 called me on my break. He was crying again, saying that he tried to call Bampot again but that he didn't call him back yet. I told him that I was sorry and he could email him again. He phoned me back a few minutes later and said that Bampot called him right after I hung up, and he was going to come and get the boys for a couple of hours after work. Bampot has NEVER spent time with the boys other than the weekend visits. He took them out for mini putt. DS9 said that although he had fun, he still misses his dad. I'll get him through this, as I have, it's just trying. ARGH.

I have also had to change my shifts at work, so I can get more hours. I feel really guilty because I need to leave my kids home alone more often, and I am most likely going to have to work a lot of evening shifts, so I won't be there for homework, etc. And fingers crossed that DS9 doesn't have difficulties in school. He has the same teacher that he had when I began my Plan B, and she wasn't able to deal with him.

Well, life continues, with it's small hiccups, but it is definitely better than the alternative.

You know I had a similar episode recently. When my divorce process hit the rocks, adrenaline just took over and I wanted to wade in and sort it out personally.

It's at times like those that Plan B feels limiting. But having calmed down, I havent torn a breach in a plan and I am so grateful for keeping a cool head.

It seems strange that you need his permission to go. Is that because you are still married? Is it worth getting a lawyer's advice? Can anyone here suggest a way around this?

It's because I am going to a different country, and there have been MANY kidnappings of children, so the US government wants to ensure that I have his permission to take the children out of Canada.

Ditto for us taking kids into Canada, which is an AWESOME place to visit.

Scotty, sorry for all the stressors you are facing, especially the difficult balance of a working mom. Are there any after school tutoring or programs your 9 year old could do? Mine are going to a Taekwondo and at has the added benefits of good male role models.

Are you coming to Florida?

When I asked my emergency IM(Indie) to shoot off an email, I spelled Bampot's email address wrong. Hopefully, he moves on this, and sends me the letter this week, since I leave on Monday.

Hopefully we won't have any more hurricanes to spoil your trip! Though last week it was nice to have a bonus day off with my kids (thankfully my work got closed...though they didn't make the decision until 5pm so I was already scrambling since school decided to cancel earlier in the day).

Keeping you in my thoughts, family vacations are such a wonderful thing!

Oh wow Scotty, I didn't realise the Disney trip was so soon!

Have a wonderful time with the kiddos and family.

How was your vacation? Enjoyable, I hope?

Sorry BH. I just saw this post now. The trip was AMAZING. The trip of a lifetime. We went to Universal, so I could see Harry Potter, for 2 days. We went to Cocoa Beach. We went to see Cape Canaveral. St.Petersberg to spot dolphins and snorkel in the Gulf of Mexico. Legoland was a trip. Then, the last four days were spent in each of the Disney parks. An awesome, but tiring trip.

It was a complete surprise for my boys. They saw the airport and got both excited and scared(DS9 was refusing to go on the plane until we told him where we were going).