Have you read this?
Are "Friends" A Threat to Your Marriage?


The conditions that allowed his affair is what must change. If conducted his affair on his phone then change the condition.

Put spyware on his phone and change all contact information. You must have complete transparency.

False R (not even R, trying to be comfortable to R...)...I'm confirming it.
1. He was home, but didn't feel like therapy this wk, so he didn't go. He said I annoyed him when I reiterated he needed to go to be able to try to R.
2. He thinks he should 'feel' something. It's been not even 3 wks and he "doesn't really want to be at the house" but "does not know if he wants to be with her bc he doesn't know if it would work out" and he wants to be positive about his decision.
3. He seems to me to be depressed or something of that nature, he's drinking a ton each night.

I know he is going through some serious withdrawal and I know I have not been perfect w not using djs and some love busters. I'm trying to be so good to him.
But I don't know how to watch him night after night just drink so much and look so awful, it's tearing at my soul. Not that I'm hurt for me, I'm hurt for him bc it's obvious he's spiraling downward.

He's been really great about other things, we are talking more, he's helping with the house, he seems more interested in me, such as my day etc. He's planned activities for us. We went to a movie and it triggered me and he was so good about understanding why and apologized and said he should have looked into the plot further to determine if I'd be ok to see it...

He is reading on the MB site, he sent me the following link, saying he feels this way.
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5065_qa.html

But I think for all he wants to be in R, I think it's false trying to R. Not bc he has some mean plan to be awful to me, but bc he will not look within himselfto say ok I'm going to commit to restoring love in y marriage relationship and not focus on my lack of affair relationship. He keeps saying its not my fault, he wishes he could go back and he'd never talk w her etc. But then he feels the therapist is supposed to give him advice about what to do, he doesn't need to figure out how to proceed w any MB principles himself. (our MC uses basically the same as MB. Not exactly it but it's close enough for us to
work w him while using the workbooks at home I think, as we don't have money for anything else right now)
I also wonder if he's really given enough time for withdrawal given that he works in that area and cannot/will not quit his job so I think there is some trigger there.

Now says he's giving it a little bit longer and if he doesn't feel better he's signing to D.

I know I should be plan B, I know. I just feel so badly to leave him right now, he's a mess. I also know, the wrong reason not to plan B for myself.

Did you ever write the Harleys?

I haven't had a reply yet.

Guessing NC was today or is currently being broken. GPS registering nothing...He texted at 5 that he got home and had to go to the store bc his cell phone has had issues. (it legitimately has so I thought ok, we'll see what happens now)
Now it's nearly 9 pm and nothing. I've called and texted, no replies.
Sigh. This forces plan B except I need to stay in the house tonight, what if he comes back? Just lock the bedroom door and ignore him?
Help please. Now this does hurt again. :-(

Please write them again and notify the MODS.

I'm so sorry this is what I was worried about for you.

Where does GPS put him? Can you go see where he's at?

Yep, it's over. He went up there...he activated his new phone and she's been texting his google voice number that I didn't know he still had...so he went there and now he really thinks he wants a divorce.
I cannot even cry, I just feel empty.

You're numb.

Text him and tell him to not come home and pack his stuff and leave on step. Can you block the door or leave for the night?

I'm just locking the door. He's not going to try to come in, he doesn't care enough about me for that.
I don't understand why he'd put me through this these past few weeks. I mean I got this really elaborate card for my birthday about how he wants us to grow old together etc, he was making plans to go for a beach day...I just don't understand, again. Just at a loss.
What kind of person texts and texts after getting an NC letter? I know she got it.

Because he's a cake eating wayward and had two women meeting his needs. She is his drug and he's addicted.

False recoveries can be more hurtful than an original DDAY.

She was adding pressure to him. Please get back into Plan B.

Are you going to be ok tonight?

He says he's so sorry, he doesn't know how this happened, he wants it to be different, he wants to love me but he doesn't feel any different about me than 3 weeks ago so he feels it'll never change...crying now, cannot stop. why is he so defeatist, so passive about this? How can he sit there and talk about how I've always been there for him and always loved him...it's like I'm a pet dog to him, not his wife.

It's because he never broke contact with her.

He needs to have true NC and he isn't willing to do that.

You need to protect yourself.

My friend that I've stayed with off and on through this called, so I'm going to see her this weekend now.
I understand OW added pressure, but why would you want to pursue someone who clearly asked you to stay out of their life forever? I don't understand that thinking.
You are right, this is worse than DDay in some ways.
I've gone through this so many times in my head. What if she hurts him? What if as she's capable of being this way now, after being divorced and going through issues with her ex before him, she's capable of hurting him too without caring, 1, 5, 10 yrs down the rd? I would never want him to feel this.

I talked with him about mental NC and how it would be so much worse with him working in that area. He said he understood and he knew if wouldn't be easy.
He said he's emailed the Harley's, trying to get a plan. Who knows if that is true.

He did stay here last night, in the guest room. He tried to talk to me but I just couldn't, and couldn't stop crying. He left without saying anything this morning.
I'm so sick to my stomach, I don't know how I'm going to work today, sigh.

I kind of don't know why I'm so upset, this really isn't different than anything before. Nothing's really changed about the situation, when I look at it objectively.

I feel like some old loyal dog that he put outside, then he decided to take it in, give it some additional care for a bit and then decide nope, what's the worth in an old dog, and put it back outside in the rain.

I'm so sorry he won't pull his wayward head out of his bunghole.

Please take care of yourself.

What's your plan to get back into a true and dark Plan B??

My wife told me she was going to the movies and ended up at om house.
You can't believe Anything he says.
Dr Harley is very clear that a wife should plan A for 3 weeks then go to plan B.
You have been recommended to do this.
Are you ready to?

He said he emailed the Harley's?
Schedule a phone session with Steve today.
Let Steve talk to him and you.

He's thinks now that he wants a divorce and wants to be with her. I just found he became fb friends w her June 28th...a week after supposed NC. I couldn't see it then, but now today I can see it somehow on there. she's emailed photos of dogs nursing monkeys. Seriously? That is what you email your ap who is married?

She's really not that interesting. A funny thing, he ranted and raved about my chin length hair and how it was too short...hers is shorter. same basic body type and hair color as me. We actually look kind of similar. She's a little bigger, a little taller, but I think we'd both be considered to be small sized body type people.
I was hoping at least she'd be gorgeous, but I think I'm prettier actually.
Why he would be flattered that she thought he was cute I have no idea when I told him all the time how attractive he was. Literally at least 3x a week I would say he was cute or hot bc I know his appearance mattered to him, but being cute matters from her?

Hoping everything just gets signed soon.
Feeling awful. Worse than awful.

His mom actually told me today to stop letting him hurt me and she thinks I need to just focus on myself.

He doesn't want to talk to Steve any more, slept on it, thinks it won't help.

She meets his EN. They sometimes affair down. He is wayward and will continue to abuse you.

Is she married? Did any of your exposure personally affect her?

I'm very concerned for you to be around him. He made you think there was NC and he was in contact with her. He hasn't stopped his affair. When you were in a dark plan B she couldn't meet all of his EN. Please protect yourself.

What is your plan to get back into a Plan B?